NYE

It is the last day of 2001 and i must say ... i am soooooooooooooooo happy this year is over!!!!!

I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...

i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100


we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV


i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...


well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)


Happy New Year!!

It is the last day of 2001 and i must say ... i am soooooooooooooooo happy this year is over!!!!!

I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...

i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100


we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV


i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...


well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)


Happy New Year!!

Wedding Story

i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...


i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...

i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...


i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...

What Is It?

this isn't going to be a very happy entry for christmas eve ... but i gotta get it out so i stop crying ...


i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...


i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...


everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...


i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...


what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...


shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...


my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore

this isn't going to be a very happy entry for christmas eve ... but i gotta get it out so i stop crying ...


i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...


i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...


everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...


i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...


what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...


shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...


my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore

Odd Dream

i had some very vivid dreams last night ... i dreamt i was breast feeding a baby ... i dreamt i was in lawrence, kansas and hanging out at a restaurant while an old good friend (not sure who it was) was working ... and a woman came over to me to order a pink cake ... i told her i didn't work there but that i would let someone know for her ... i dreamt i tried to breast feed while driving and deceided it wasn't a good idea cause i almost bumped into the car in front of me cause i had trouble reaching the break peddle ... and i dreamt i got to my house and had to open the gate with a key and got it open just in time for a big truck to roar out the gates ...


so this is what the dream dictionary says:

Breasts / Breast Feeding

Dreaming about breasts can have obvious sexual meaning. However, consider all of the details in your dream in order to obtain the most appropriate meaning. Breasts also represent tenderness, love, and other matters of the heart. Breastfeeding is symbolic of giving or receiving, nurturing, and sustenance. It represents motherly love as well as physical and emotional support and well being. Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.


Cake

It may symbolize the sweet and pleasurable parts of life. The dream may be interpreted according to your interaction with the cake in the dream.


Pink

Pink usually symbolizes health and good feelings. It is a traditionally a feminine color, and some feel that it connotes love. Pink is soft and fuzzy, like girls!


Car

The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey


Key

As with most dreams, look for the obvious connections by comparing the details or the theme of your dream to your daily life. Are you trying to figure something out and "unlock" a puzzling question? Do you wish to hide something? Are you locking something up or are you opening the door? Last, but not least, does this dream have any sexual connotations?


Baby

Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless.

i had some very vivid dreams last night ... i dreamt i was breast feeding a baby ... i dreamt i was in lawrence, kansas and hanging out at a restaurant while an old good friend (not sure who it was) was working ... and a woman came over to me to order a pink cake ... i told her i didn't work there but that i would let someone know for her ... i dreamt i tried to breast feed while driving and deceided it wasn't a good idea cause i almost bumped into the car in front of me cause i had trouble reaching the break peddle ... and i dreamt i got to my house and had to open the gate with a key and got it open just in time for a big truck to roar out the gates ...


so this is what the dream dictionary says:

Breasts / Breast Feeding

Dreaming about breasts can have obvious sexual meaning. However, consider all of the details in your dream in order to obtain the most appropriate meaning. Breasts also represent tenderness, love, and other matters of the heart. Breastfeeding is symbolic of giving or receiving, nurturing, and sustenance. It represents motherly love as well as physical and emotional support and well being. Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.


Cake

It may symbolize the sweet and pleasurable parts of life. The dream may be interpreted according to your interaction with the cake in the dream.


Pink

Pink usually symbolizes health and good feelings. It is a traditionally a feminine color, and some feel that it connotes love. Pink is soft and fuzzy, like girls!


Car

The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey


Key

As with most dreams, look for the obvious connections by comparing the details or the theme of your dream to your daily life. Are you trying to figure something out and "unlock" a puzzling question? Do you wish to hide something? Are you locking something up or are you opening the door? Last, but not least, does this dream have any sexual connotations?


Baby

Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless.

Pain

i am so depressed ... my life feels like it is going down the crapper ...

when david gets mad or upset with me ... i try to work things out ...

when i get upset or mad with david ... he punishes me by not speaking to me and sits in the other room ...


i don't understand that ... i don't think that he realize that when he does that ... i spend half the time in this room crying ... it makes my chest hurt ... my heart ... i feel a lump on my soul ...


and when i go and get in bed ... he will wake up and come back in the computer room ...


i am aching with pain right now ...

i am so depressed ... my life feels like it is going down the crapper ...

when david gets mad or upset with me ... i try to work things out ...

when i get upset or mad with david ... he punishes me by not speaking to me and sits in the other room ...


i don't understand that ... i don't think that he realize that when he does that ... i spend half the time in this room crying ... it makes my chest hurt ... my heart ... i feel a lump on my soul ...


and when i go and get in bed ... he will wake up and come back in the computer room ...


i am aching with pain right now ...

Meaning Of Life

Mallory from "Family Ties" meaning of life ...

be happy

try not to hurt other people

hope you fall in love

Mallory from "Family Ties" meaning of life ...

be happy

try not to hurt other people

hope you fall in love

Unhappy

i am really scared ... i am scared david is unhappy with his job and life because he isn't happy with me ... he talks about how much he loved working at his last job [the one right before we were working at the same place ... where we met] ... and since then he hasn't had a job he is happy with ... and he is frustrated and upset so much of the time ... i don't want to be the reason he is unhappy ... it really scares me ...

i am really scared ... i am scared david is unhappy with his job and life because he isn't happy with me ... he talks about how much he loved working at his last job [the one right before we were working at the same place ... where we met] ... and since then he hasn't had a job he is happy with ... and he is frustrated and upset so much of the time ... i don't want to be the reason he is unhappy ... it really scares me ...

Lacking Attention

everything lately seems to be about what makes life easier for david ... and it is kind of starting to irk me ... when i worked and he didn't i still had to ask him to do dishes or fix dinner ... once in a while a bug would get up his butt and he would clean without being asked ... but i felt like i still did more around the house than he did ... now he is working and i am not and i have been doing the dishes all the time ... in the last 2 weeks he hasn't done them once ... and i make dinner every night ...


i just asked him if we could leave here at 11:30 to take him to work so we could go to the post office first ... it is right down the street and that way we could use his credit card and i would haven't to stop and get money out ... he said "why don't you just stop and get money" ... see so it makes life easier for david ...


i guess i am just frustrated ... and lacking attention ...

everything lately seems to be about what makes life easier for david ... and it is kind of starting to irk me ... when i worked and he didn't i still had to ask him to do dishes or fix dinner ... once in a while a bug would get up his butt and he would clean without being asked ... but i felt like i still did more around the house than he did ... now he is working and i am not and i have been doing the dishes all the time ... in the last 2 weeks he hasn't done them once ... and i make dinner every night ...


i just asked him if we could leave here at 11:30 to take him to work so we could go to the post office first ... it is right down the street and that way we could use his credit card and i would haven't to stop and get money out ... he said "why don't you just stop and get money" ... see so it makes life easier for david ...


i guess i am just frustrated ... and lacking attention ...

Movies

well the DVD player is bitchen ... we went and rented a couple of DVDs ... we watched Rush Hour 2 and then i watched the second DVD of Fight Club ... all the while i started working on wrapping my christmas gifts ... i thought i would be finished tonight and could mail everything tomorrow ... boy was i kidding myself ... i didn't even put a dent in what i need to wrap ... i will be spending the day tomorrow wrapping gifts ... so i think when i take rush hour 2 back i am going to rent Legally Blonde ... cause even though i want david to watch it and i know he would dig it ... he isn't going to watch it so i might as well spend the day watching it and wrapping gifts ...


we also didn't get to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" today so i think i may watch that tomorrow too while wrapping gifts ... i love that movie so much i could watch it 100 times ... :)

well the DVD player is bitchen ... we went and rented a couple of DVDs ... we watched Rush Hour 2 and then i watched the second DVD of Fight Club ... all the while i started working on wrapping my christmas gifts ... i thought i would be finished tonight and could mail everything tomorrow ... boy was i kidding myself ... i didn't even put a dent in what i need to wrap ... i will be spending the day tomorrow wrapping gifts ... so i think when i take rush hour 2 back i am going to rent Legally Blonde ... cause even though i want david to watch it and i know he would dig it ... he isn't going to watch it so i might as well spend the day watching it and wrapping gifts ...


we also didn't get to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" today so i think i may watch that tomorrow too while wrapping gifts ... i love that movie so much i could watch it 100 times ... :)

Bad Day

this has been a sucky anniversary ... david was in a foul mood when i picked him up from work ... and then he was late for class ... when i got home there were 3 packages sitting there ... one was a huge box with our DVD player ... it was light but my dad packed it in a bigger box ... well while i was carrying it downstairs kramer tried to get out and when i yelled at him i tripped and fell down the stairs ... and came smack down on both knees on the tile floor ... dropped the dvd player and slammed my elbows into the floor as well ... not a good day

this has been a sucky anniversary ... david was in a foul mood when i picked him up from work ... and then he was late for class ... when i got home there were 3 packages sitting there ... one was a huge box with our DVD player ... it was light but my dad packed it in a bigger box ... well while i was carrying it downstairs kramer tried to get out and when i yelled at him i tripped and fell down the stairs ... and came smack down on both knees on the tile floor ... dropped the dvd player and slammed my elbows into the floor as well ... not a good day

Karma Doubt

that stupid man from ebay bothered all me all day ... you know sometimes it seems like there is no reward for being honest ... all this hassle and i lost 30 bucks ... it just isn't right ... i doubt karma on occasion and this is one of those occasions ...


well tomorrow david works all day ... kinda of a bummer since it is our anniversary ... only a bummer cause he will be so tired when he gets home ... and we are supposed to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" ...


and since he is going to be at work all day tomorrow i am going to work on wrapping holiday gifts and setting up the candles i want to make ... cause i really need to get those made .. because i need to get my gifts in the mail ... at least i am still waiting on a couple of items that are being shipped ... :)


well i have been up late enough ... i am going to give sleep another shot ... i got into bed at midnight with davie but just couldn't fall asleep ... so now that it is 2:30 i think it is time to head to bed ... :).

that stupid man from ebay bothered all me all day ... you know sometimes it seems like there is no reward for being honest ... all this hassle and i lost 30 bucks ... it just isn't right ... i doubt karma on occasion and this is one of those occasions ...


well tomorrow david works all day ... kinda of a bummer since it is our anniversary ... only a bummer cause he will be so tired when he gets home ... and we are supposed to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" ...


and since he is going to be at work all day tomorrow i am going to work on wrapping holiday gifts and setting up the candles i want to make ... cause i really need to get those made .. because i need to get my gifts in the mail ... at least i am still waiting on a couple of items that are being shipped ... :)


well i have been up late enough ... i am going to give sleep another shot ... i got into bed at midnight with davie but just couldn't fall asleep ... so now that it is 2:30 i think it is time to head to bed ... :).

Bad Buys

i am so upset right now ... unethical people grate at my last nerve ...

last month i bought 2 QuickCam Pros on ebay ... i paid 28.00 for each of them ... when i got them one worked just fine ... one looked totally different and didn't work ... it had a shorter cord and was a different color ... i contacted the seller and he told me to mail the cam back and he would send me a replacement camera ... so i did


well i didn't hear from him for about a week ... and when i did hear from him he told me that the camera he received wasn't the one he sent me ... that the cord had been ripped out of the camera, shortened and put back in ... that i colored the ring with a magic marker to make it look like a QuickCam pro and that it was beaten in on the side ...


i had sent him my phone number and he said he tried to call me several times but no one ever answered ... i checked my caller ID and there wasn't one unaccounted for call ... nor did he ever leave a message on my machine ... so i wrote him back explaining i did not send him so old camera in hopes of ripping him off and that i worked out of my home and that his number was never on my caller ID


he never responded


i wrote again telling him i wanted my money back for the camera ... again he never responded ... so tonight i filed negative feedback ... then he filed negative feedback saying i was trying to rip him off ... then he wrote to ebay's SafeHarbor saying i never paid for my purchases ... since i bought two cameras from him he filed a non payment twice ... when you get 3 of them you are cut off from using ebay ...


so i filed fraud charges against him on SafeHarbor sending my paypal receipt that i paid for the items ... i also filed a claim through ebay insurance to get my money back ...


i am just so mad ... being accused of something i didn't do ... and getting ripped of in the end ... it is just wrong ... and bad karma ...

i am so upset right now ... unethical people grate at my last nerve ...

last month i bought 2 QuickCam Pros on ebay ... i paid 28.00 for each of them ... when i got them one worked just fine ... one looked totally different and didn't work ... it had a shorter cord and was a different color ... i contacted the seller and he told me to mail the cam back and he would send me a replacement camera ... so i did


well i didn't hear from him for about a week ... and when i did hear from him he told me that the camera he received wasn't the one he sent me ... that the cord had been ripped out of the camera, shortened and put back in ... that i colored the ring with a magic marker to make it look like a QuickCam pro and that it was beaten in on the side ...


i had sent him my phone number and he said he tried to call me several times but no one ever answered ... i checked my caller ID and there wasn't one unaccounted for call ... nor did he ever leave a message on my machine ... so i wrote him back explaining i did not send him so old camera in hopes of ripping him off and that i worked out of my home and that his number was never on my caller ID


he never responded


i wrote again telling him i wanted my money back for the camera ... again he never responded ... so tonight i filed negative feedback ... then he filed negative feedback saying i was trying to rip him off ... then he wrote to ebay's SafeHarbor saying i never paid for my purchases ... since i bought two cameras from him he filed a non payment twice ... when you get 3 of them you are cut off from using ebay ...


so i filed fraud charges against him on SafeHarbor sending my paypal receipt that i paid for the items ... i also filed a claim through ebay insurance to get my money back ...


i am just so mad ... being accused of something i didn't do ... and getting ripped of in the end ... it is just wrong ... and bad karma ...

Love

well i set up a great menu for the week ... since david has to work so much i am going to fix dinner each night ... no more pizza and fast food shit ... and there will be enough to pack left overs for his lunch ...


Wednesday, December 12, 2001 will be our 1 year anniversary ... i can't believe we have been together a whole year ... time has just flown by ... it really has been a great year ... we have had amazing hardships ... things most couples don't deal with for years and years and we tackled them all head on and grew stronger from the experiences ... wow i do love him so much ... i can't be thankful enough that he came into my life ... :)

well i set up a great menu for the week ... since david has to work so much i am going to fix dinner each night ... no more pizza and fast food shit ... and there will be enough to pack left overs for his lunch ...


Wednesday, December 12, 2001 will be our 1 year anniversary ... i can't believe we have been together a whole year ... time has just flown by ... it really has been a great year ... we have had amazing hardships ... things most couples don't deal with for years and years and we tackled them all head on and grew stronger from the experiences ... wow i do love him so much ... i can't be thankful enough that he came into my life ... :)

Stuff To Do

tomorrow is david's last day off for a week and we have a ton of stuff to do ... today we didn't do any of it because 1. i like to avoid doing stuff on the weekend when i have time to get stuff done during the week ... everything is a little less crowded especially during the holiday season ... and 2. i only got 3 hours of sleep last night ... i just couldn't sleep anymore ... so i wound up taking a nap durning the afternoon ...


well i am working on a grocery list so i can't really think about writing here ... maybe when i am finished ...

tomorrow is david's last day off for a week and we have a ton of stuff to do ... today we didn't do any of it because 1. i like to avoid doing stuff on the weekend when i have time to get stuff done during the week ... everything is a little less crowded especially during the holiday season ... and 2. i only got 3 hours of sleep last night ... i just couldn't sleep anymore ... so i wound up taking a nap durning the afternoon ...


well i am working on a grocery list so i can't really think about writing here ... maybe when i am finished ...

Gift Troubles

ok so it has been quite a while since i have written ... david and i had a pretty good time in DC ... we went to the Air and Space museum and the National Building museum which had an awesome photo show of the WTC ...


we got the new car which is amazing ... and hung out with my parents ... it was a fun week ...


since we have been home we have done pretty much all of our holiday shopping ... it is amazing we are both out of jobs but did all our shopping online instead of braving the mall ... hahahaaa ...


well i guess technically david isn't out of a job anymore ... he is at starbucks which is my dream job for him right now ... hahahahaaa ... not his ... but he isn't hating it which is good ... we get free coffee now ... he is working so he is a much happier person ... and it looks like it will lead to some groovy computer opportunities ... which i know would make him happy ... i think he will also be able to start going to school now ... so things look groovy in that area ...


i finished our holiday card today ... it says "peace" in 7 different launguages around the outside edge [it is a postcard] and then says "you may say i'm a dreamer ... but i'm not the only one ... i hope someday you'll join us ... and the world will live as one - John Lennon ... so now tomorrow i am going to go to kinko's and get it printed up ... i think i am going to use one of those 'spot color' machines so instead of photocopying in black the ink is red ... i did a card with that machine like 5 years ago and it came out so groovy ...


i am having such a hard time coming up with a christmas gift for david ... and it just makes me feel so badly ... last year we hardly knew each other and david got me an amazing bubble lamp ... i was blown away with what a great present it was ... and i got him a stupid palm pen that could be used as a pen or for the palm pilot and he never used it ... so after new years i tried to make up for the lame gift and got him a palm keyboard ... he used that for a few minutes and it has been sitting on the shelf ever since ... in may when his birthday came around he was recently out of a job and we just didn't have much money at all so he wound up getting nothing ... well we went to the city to stay in a hotel [my brother gave us a voucher for a hotel] and we went out to dinner ... but it is just driving me crazy that i can't come up with something that he will love ...


next week is our one year anniversary and i feel like i should just know what to get him ... and my mind is a blank ... i mean i think i did great job of finding awesome gifts for everyone this year except for the man i love ... it is breaking my heart ... all i want to do is find something that will wow him like he wowed me last year ... i want to find something he will love so much ... that makes him feel good ... that lets him know how much i love and appreciate him and to show him how very special he is to me ... :)

ok so it has been quite a while since i have written ... david and i had a pretty good time in DC ... we went to the Air and Space museum and the National Building museum which had an awesome photo show of the WTC ...


we got the new car which is amazing ... and hung out with my parents ... it was a fun week ...


since we have been home we have done pretty much all of our holiday shopping ... it is amazing we are both out of jobs but did all our shopping online instead of braving the mall ... hahahaaa ...


well i guess technically david isn't out of a job anymore ... he is at starbucks which is my dream job for him right now ... hahahahaaa ... not his ... but he isn't hating it which is good ... we get free coffee now ... he is working so he is a much happier person ... and it looks like it will lead to some groovy computer opportunities ... which i know would make him happy ... i think he will also be able to start going to school now ... so things look groovy in that area ...


i finished our holiday card today ... it says "peace" in 7 different launguages around the outside edge [it is a postcard] and then says "you may say i'm a dreamer ... but i'm not the only one ... i hope someday you'll join us ... and the world will live as one - John Lennon ... so now tomorrow i am going to go to kinko's and get it printed up ... i think i am going to use one of those 'spot color' machines so instead of photocopying in black the ink is red ... i did a card with that machine like 5 years ago and it came out so groovy ...


i am having such a hard time coming up with a christmas gift for david ... and it just makes me feel so badly ... last year we hardly knew each other and david got me an amazing bubble lamp ... i was blown away with what a great present it was ... and i got him a stupid palm pen that could be used as a pen or for the palm pilot and he never used it ... so after new years i tried to make up for the lame gift and got him a palm keyboard ... he used that for a few minutes and it has been sitting on the shelf ever since ... in may when his birthday came around he was recently out of a job and we just didn't have much money at all so he wound up getting nothing ... well we went to the city to stay in a hotel [my brother gave us a voucher for a hotel] and we went out to dinner ... but it is just driving me crazy that i can't come up with something that he will love ...


next week is our one year anniversary and i feel like i should just know what to get him ... and my mind is a blank ... i mean i think i did great job of finding awesome gifts for everyone this year except for the man i love ... it is breaking my heart ... all i want to do is find something that will wow him like he wowed me last year ... i want to find something he will love so much ... that makes him feel good ... that lets him know how much i love and appreciate him and to show him how very special he is to me ... :)

i hurt my back ... and i am in such terrible pain i can't believe it ... and david just screamed at me about it ... i don't fucking get it ...

Ass

i hurt my back ... and i am in such terrible pain i can't believe it ... and david just screamed at me about it ... i don't fucking get it ...

happy birthday dad

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Ready to Go

well we are pretty much packed ... just the stuff we need to use in the morning are left ... and i took an antihistamien {however you spell that[ so i am actually feeling a bit drowsy and it is only 11:49 ... besides i did a whole bunch of stuff today ... including cleaning out my car so we are so ready to go ... of course being so busy tonight i forgot Absolutely Fabulous was on tonight ... i am so bummed i missed one of the all new episodes ... well i guess it will be all new to me when it becomes a repeat ...


i am so excited to get out new car tomorrow ... Ford Explorer Limited... shit it has a cd player in it i should throw some CDs in my bag before we go ...


well i am off to bed ... i have to set my alarm for 5:30 AM and that is usually when i am going to sleep ... :)

well we are pretty much packed ... just the stuff we need to use in the morning are left ... and i took an antihistamien {however you spell that[ so i am actually feeling a bit drowsy and it is only 11:49 ... besides i did a whole bunch of stuff today ... including cleaning out my car so we are so ready to go ... of course being so busy tonight i forgot Absolutely Fabulous was on tonight ... i am so bummed i missed one of the all new episodes ... well i guess it will be all new to me when it becomes a repeat ...


i am so excited to get out new car tomorrow ... Ford Explorer Limited... shit it has a cd player in it i should throw some CDs in my bag before we go ...


well i am off to bed ... i have to set my alarm for 5:30 AM and that is usually when i am going to sleep ... :)

Getting Trip Ready

man i was going to go to sleep earlier tonight like david did ... but i didn't ... it is almost 3 AM now ... i needed to go to sleep earlier cause tuesday we are leaving to get the new car [wooohooo] and spend the week with my parents ... but i taped a bunch of stuff tonight that i wanted to watch and frankly i am just not tired ... i also have a bunch of stuff i need to do before we leave and i am sitting here trying to get stuff together and make notes of the things that must be done tomorrow ... thank goodness we aren't leaving tomorrow like we were supposed to ... i think it is easier to leave on a tuesday than monday ... cause it is like i got the weekend and an extra day to get ready ... the thing is we have to leave no later than 7AM on tuesday if we want to get to cumberland maryland on time ... i have to go to the DMV to get everything taken care of with the car so we have to get there in time to do that and it is about a 6.5 hour drive ... then from there we have to drive down to my parents house which is another 2.5 hour drive ... it is going to be a hell of a day ...


david was quite funny today ... see before every trip we get in a big fight ... it is really one of the only times we fight but it has happened before every trip we have taken ... so this morning he said "so you wanna fight now? or wait till tuesday?" ... i said "we are leaving too early on tuesday to have time to fight" ... and he said "cool then we will just save it for the car ... it will give us something to do ... hey can we stop at McDonalds for breakfast that will be a real treat" ... i just started laughing so hard ... it will be nice if we can make this trip without getting into a fight before hand ... and since we are leaving so early maybe we will get lucky ...


i am going to have every single thing ready before i go to sleep tomorrow night ... be totally packed ... all the christmas lights off ... appliances unplugged ... house clean ... everything by the front door ready to go ...so that tuesday morning all we need to do is get up ... shower ... get dressed ... get kramer in his cage and hit the road ... that is my plan ... we will see how well we do ... :)


well i really should finish this cig and lay down and try to fall asleep ... i have a bunch of errands to run tomorrow while davie is playing golf with his dad ... i bought him a pair of jeans the other day ... and i just found his size and grabbed them and bought them ... didn't even unfold them ... i have been asking him to try them on for a couple of days so tonight he did ... and when he unfolded them there is this huge bleached number on the bottom half of one leg ... so i gotta go back over to old navy and return them ... it is so damn funny ... and i think i am going to find a nice outfit to wear for thanksgiving ...

man i was going to go to sleep earlier tonight like david did ... but i didn't ... it is almost 3 AM now ... i needed to go to sleep earlier cause tuesday we are leaving to get the new car [wooohooo] and spend the week with my parents ... but i taped a bunch of stuff tonight that i wanted to watch and frankly i am just not tired ... i also have a bunch of stuff i need to do before we leave and i am sitting here trying to get stuff together and make notes of the things that must be done tomorrow ... thank goodness we aren't leaving tomorrow like we were supposed to ... i think it is easier to leave on a tuesday than monday ... cause it is like i got the weekend and an extra day to get ready ... the thing is we have to leave no later than 7AM on tuesday if we want to get to cumberland maryland on time ... i have to go to the DMV to get everything taken care of with the car so we have to get there in time to do that and it is about a 6.5 hour drive ... then from there we have to drive down to my parents house which is another 2.5 hour drive ... it is going to be a hell of a day ...


david was quite funny today ... see before every trip we get in a big fight ... it is really one of the only times we fight but it has happened before every trip we have taken ... so this morning he said "so you wanna fight now? or wait till tuesday?" ... i said "we are leaving too early on tuesday to have time to fight" ... and he said "cool then we will just save it for the car ... it will give us something to do ... hey can we stop at McDonalds for breakfast that will be a real treat" ... i just started laughing so hard ... it will be nice if we can make this trip without getting into a fight before hand ... and since we are leaving so early maybe we will get lucky ...


i am going to have every single thing ready before i go to sleep tomorrow night ... be totally packed ... all the christmas lights off ... appliances unplugged ... house clean ... everything by the front door ready to go ...so that tuesday morning all we need to do is get up ... shower ... get dressed ... get kramer in his cage and hit the road ... that is my plan ... we will see how well we do ... :)


well i really should finish this cig and lay down and try to fall asleep ... i have a bunch of errands to run tomorrow while davie is playing golf with his dad ... i bought him a pair of jeans the other day ... and i just found his size and grabbed them and bought them ... didn't even unfold them ... i have been asking him to try them on for a couple of days so tonight he did ... and when he unfolded them there is this huge bleached number on the bottom half of one leg ... so i gotta go back over to old navy and return them ... it is so damn funny ... and i think i am going to find a nice outfit to wear for thanksgiving ...

Drawers

I took a regular drawer set from IKEA like this one here ... and painted the whole thing silver ... then I taped off the front of each drawer and painted it with chalk board spray paint so I can use chalk to make labels for the drawer contents ... And here is what the finished product looks like ...

I took a regular drawer set from IKEA like this one here ... and painted the whole thing silver ... then I taped off the front of each drawer and painted it with chalk board spray paint so I can use chalk to make labels for the drawer contents ... And here is what the finished product looks like ...
(images missing gotta find them)

Sleep

i really really really wanted to do some work on my dad's site ... i need to give him a quote on how long it will take me to type out 40 installation instructions ... but the server for that site is giving me a 500 error and the FP extenstions aren't working ... and david is asleep and wouldn't give me any info on where to look to fix the perl problem ... i searched but didn't see anything ... so i kinda wasted the night spending about 2 hours trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with the site i mean it worked this afternoon ... so all i did was twiddle with that ... fold the laundry and watch cannonball run ...


i wish i were tired right now but i am not ... last night i was about to go to bed when david woke up ... he had been so depressed and hadn't stepped one foot outside the house since sunday ... so i suggested we go to the diner and he could get french toast ... so at about 4ish we went ... he loved the french toast and my salad was pretty good and i was glad he was getting out of the house ... he wasn't tired when we got home and was just going to stay up ... i thought about staying up and not sleeping at all ... thinking then tonight i could go to bed at a reasonable time ... but i was so tired after we got home that i laid down at around 5:30-6 AM ... so i am still pretty awake now at 2:30 in the morning ...


and i really need to go to bed because i need to go out and get david some new jeans and do some grocery shopping tomorrow all before 2 PM when he needs the car for an interview ... yea i think i am going to smoke one last cig tonight and then try and get some sleep ... we'll see how lucky i get ... :)


speaking of getting lucky it sure isn't an easy thing to do when we never sleep at the same time ... :(

i really really really wanted to do some work on my dad's site ... i need to give him a quote on how long it will take me to type out 40 installation instructions ... but the server for that site is giving me a 500 error and the FP extenstions aren't working ... and david is asleep and wouldn't give me any info on where to look to fix the perl problem ... i searched but didn't see anything ... so i kinda wasted the night spending about 2 hours trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with the site i mean it worked this afternoon ... so all i did was twiddle with that ... fold the laundry and watch cannonball run ...


i wish i were tired right now but i am not ... last night i was about to go to bed when david woke up ... he had been so depressed and hadn't stepped one foot outside the house since sunday ... so i suggested we go to the diner and he could get french toast ... so at about 4ish we went ... he loved the french toast and my salad was pretty good and i was glad he was getting out of the house ... he wasn't tired when we got home and was just going to stay up ... i thought about staying up and not sleeping at all ... thinking then tonight i could go to bed at a reasonable time ... but i was so tired after we got home that i laid down at around 5:30-6 AM ... so i am still pretty awake now at 2:30 in the morning ...


and i really need to go to bed because i need to go out and get david some new jeans and do some grocery shopping tomorrow all before 2 PM when he needs the car for an interview ... yea i think i am going to smoke one last cig tonight and then try and get some sleep ... we'll see how lucky i get ... :)


speaking of getting lucky it sure isn't an easy thing to do when we never sleep at the same time ... :(

Link

MPTV.net Photo

MPTV.net Photo

Link

Jack Webb

Jack Webb

Cannonball

I am watching Cannonball Run 2001 ... the race across country that was on USA for the first time and it is so cool ... i want to be on this show ... first of all i love driving across country ... kris and i have done it i think 3 maybe 4 times ... i have done it with my friend steve ... heather and i have done the drive once ... once kris chevy and i did half the trip and my brother and i did the other half and i have even done it all by myself ... this show would be a blast ... for sure ...

I am watching Cannonball Run 2001 ... the race across country that was on USA for the first time and it is so cool ... i want to be on this show ... first of all i love driving across country ... kris and i have done it i think 3 maybe 4 times ... i have done it with my friend steve ... heather and i have done the drive once ... once kris chevy and i did half the trip and my brother and i did the other half and i have even done it all by myself ... this show would be a blast ... for sure ...

Owning

so i was talking to my mom tonight and i told her that david and i didn't want to move into the basement ... that we would be more inclined to move out there if it was straight into a condo ... first off we just have so much stuff that i can't even imagine moving twice within a couple of months ... and that we just are too old to move home ... we just don't want to do it ... live with someone elses rules in someone elses house ... why would we move at all if that were a condition ... and we are going to have to hire a mover so if we move into the basement and then into a condo the moving costs would be doubled ...


she said she totally understood and that if i spoke with unemployment and could still collect checks while living in DC then we could start looking for a place ... so we will see ... owning a place would be a hell of a lot better than renting this piece of shit

so i was talking to my mom tonight and i told her that david and i didn't want to move into the basement ... that we would be more inclined to move out there if it was straight into a condo ... first off we just have so much stuff that i can't even imagine moving twice within a couple of months ... and that we just are too old to move home ... we just don't want to do it ... live with someone elses rules in someone elses house ... why would we move at all if that were a condition ... and we are going to have to hire a mover so if we move into the basement and then into a condo the moving costs would be doubled ...


she said she totally understood and that if i spoke with unemployment and could still collect checks while living in DC then we could start looking for a place ... so we will see ... owning a place would be a hell of a lot better than renting this piece of shit

So Many Resumes

i wish there was something i could do for david ... he is just so upset ... he wants a job so badly ... and to help him i want him to have a job ... it isn't necessary we are doing quite alright ... but it is making him crazy and i know it would do so much for him to be working ... a part of me is selfish ... i love being able to see him all day and we can do whatever we want whenever we want ... but today i think he has hit a low ... and there isn't a thing i can do ... i can just be here if he wants to talk ...


i went out at about 7 to get coffee for the two of us ... he was working on something on his computer ... i was also stopping at CVS to see if they happen to have Scatagories so we could play tonight ... when i got home at 7:45 david was already sound sleep ... he didn't even awake when i told him i was home with coffee ... now it is 1:15 AM and he is still asleep ...


he applied to 10 jobs yesterday ... and just wants to hear back from any of them ... i am at a loss as to what to do now ... he has probably over the last several months applied to over 350 jobs online ... and about 4 months ago we also printed out i think 200 copies of his resume and mailed them to every company in the area and heard nothing ... we have gone to 3 job placement companies and no calls ... and i am telling you he is incredable talented ... he is amazing on the computer and is self taught ... he has the greatest skills and ability to work anywhere ... he is the type of person that could take a job not knowing the program they use and by the end of the day have not only mastered the program but has suggestions as to how to make it better ... it is just such a shitty situation ...


i was thinking today that i should get a job as a secretary or administrative assistant so that he could go back to school ... i know we tried this once before but at the time we just didn't have the money and we didn't know when he would be getting financial aid ... but we could work it so that he could start in the next semester ... and i know how much he would love to go back to school and get a degree in Computer Information Systems ... but i think it would really bother him if i were the one working again and he wasn't ... he has never in his life gone this long without working and i know it is stressing him out to no end ... but i would be more than happy to work and help him get through school ... i love him ... i adore him ... it would only make me happy to help him ...

i wish there was something i could do for david ... he is just so upset ... he wants a job so badly ... and to help him i want him to have a job ... it isn't necessary we are doing quite alright ... but it is making him crazy and i know it would do so much for him to be working ... a part of me is selfish ... i love being able to see him all day and we can do whatever we want whenever we want ... but today i think he has hit a low ... and there isn't a thing i can do ... i can just be here if he wants to talk ...


i went out at about 7 to get coffee for the two of us ... he was working on something on his computer ... i was also stopping at CVS to see if they happen to have Scatagories so we could play tonight ... when i got home at 7:45 david was already sound sleep ... he didn't even awake when i told him i was home with coffee ... now it is 1:15 AM and he is still asleep ...


he applied to 10 jobs yesterday ... and just wants to hear back from any of them ... i am at a loss as to what to do now ... he has probably over the last several months applied to over 350 jobs online ... and about 4 months ago we also printed out i think 200 copies of his resume and mailed them to every company in the area and heard nothing ... we have gone to 3 job placement companies and no calls ... and i am telling you he is incredable talented ... he is amazing on the computer and is self taught ... he has the greatest skills and ability to work anywhere ... he is the type of person that could take a job not knowing the program they use and by the end of the day have not only mastered the program but has suggestions as to how to make it better ... it is just such a shitty situation ...


i was thinking today that i should get a job as a secretary or administrative assistant so that he could go back to school ... i know we tried this once before but at the time we just didn't have the money and we didn't know when he would be getting financial aid ... but we could work it so that he could start in the next semester ... and i know how much he would love to go back to school and get a degree in Computer Information Systems ... but i think it would really bother him if i were the one working again and he wasn't ... he has never in his life gone this long without working and i know it is stressing him out to no end ... but i would be more than happy to work and help him get through school ... i love him ... i adore him ... it would only make me happy to help him ...

Sleep Struggles

another night of not being able to sleep ... it is getting so fucking old i can't stand it ... i don't know what is wrong with me ... this is actually a time i have no worries ... don't need to wake up in the morning and take the damn LIRR to a job in the city i hate ... we have money in the bank for our bills and food and some extras ... i found every LIFE magazine on my list for chirstmas gifts [i am giving everyone on our christmas list a LIFE magazine from the week they were born ... inexpensive gift on ebay with lots of thought behind it] ... i feel like life is pretty groovy right now ... but when i get in bed i just lay there ... not really thinking about anything but feeling like i am forcing my eyes closed ... i lay there for an hour before i deceide to get up and tool around online ...


i even finished my most awesome-to-date piece of art today ... well i guess it isn't totally finished i have to put the sealer on it ... but all the tiny images i cut out are on the canvas now and my god did it come out super cool ... it really is magnificant ... so cool in fact that i think i may make a much bigger one next ...


i am going to try and scan it right now and see if i can get at least a section of it on the scanner to put up here ...


ok here is a section of it ... the final product is a bit bigger ... and if you click on the thumbnail here be aware that i only reduced the original a bit so it will open quite big ...

another night of not being able to sleep ... it is getting so fucking old i can't stand it ... i don't know what is wrong with me ... this is actually a time i have no worries ... don't need to wake up in the morning and take the damn LIRR to a job in the city i hate ... we have money in the bank for our bills and food and some extras ... i found every LIFE magazine on my list for chirstmas gifts [i am giving everyone on our christmas list a LIFE magazine from the week they were born ... inexpensive gift on ebay with lots of thought behind it] ... i feel like life is pretty groovy right now ... but when i get in bed i just lay there ... not really thinking about anything but feeling like i am forcing my eyes closed ... i lay there for an hour before i deceide to get up and tool around online ...


i even finished my most awesome-to-date piece of art today ... well i guess it isn't totally finished i have to put the sealer on it ... but all the tiny images i cut out are on the canvas now and my god did it come out super cool ... it really is magnificant ... so cool in fact that i think i may make a much bigger one next ...


i am going to try and scan it right now and see if i can get at least a section of it on the scanner to put up here ...


ok here is a section of it ... the final product is a bit bigger ... and if you click on the thumbnail here be aware that i only reduced the original a bit so it will open quite big ...

Blew It

my parents sure did blow it tonight ... when david and i were out running errands today we were talking about moving to DC and deceided that is what we were going to do ... i said we would give my landlord 2 months notice and move in february ... he said ... if we have deceided to move why give him 2 months ... it isn't your money that is down on the deposit [my job that laid me off actually paid the finders fee, deposit and first months rent on this place] ... tell the landlord we are moving out december 31st and we will just pack up and move before christmas ...


i of course wasn't going to say anything to them till december 1st when i gave notice ... and it is a good thing i know how to work these things cause we came home and were watching TV and working and they kept calling and being bitchy and unreasonable and demanding on the stupidest shit ... it wasn't totally unlike them but it was somewhat for it to be out of the blue like that when stuff has been going so well ...


the last time i hung up the phone with my mom tonight david said ... 'that is it we are not moving there ... i am not living by anyone's rules but my own ... there is a reason i moved away from my parents and this is exactly it'


and you know what he is totally right ... they are waving all sorts of stuff in my face to get us to move out there ... and i just can't do it ... every guy i have ever dated has had a problem with the relationship i have with my parents ... i let them control many aspects of my life because it is easier than arguing with them ... and it makes them happy ... and they are always so upset with how my brother seems to have no regard for them ... so to appease everyone but myself i just give in ...


well i love david way too much to let my parents get in the way ... it bothered eric a lot ... he felt like he was being bought all the time and i understand where he is coming from ... i am not going to let that happen with my relationship with david ... this relationship means the world to me ...

my parents sure did blow it tonight ... when david and i were out running errands today we were talking about moving to DC and deceided that is what we were going to do ... i said we would give my landlord 2 months notice and move in february ... he said ... if we have deceided to move why give him 2 months ... it isn't your money that is down on the deposit [my job that laid me off actually paid the finders fee, deposit and first months rent on this place] ... tell the landlord we are moving out december 31st and we will just pack up and move before christmas ...


i of course wasn't going to say anything to them till december 1st when i gave notice ... and it is a good thing i know how to work these things cause we came home and were watching TV and working and they kept calling and being bitchy and unreasonable and demanding on the stupidest shit ... it wasn't totally unlike them but it was somewhat for it to be out of the blue like that when stuff has been going so well ...


the last time i hung up the phone with my mom tonight david said ... 'that is it we are not moving there ... i am not living by anyone's rules but my own ... there is a reason i moved away from my parents and this is exactly it'


and you know what he is totally right ... they are waving all sorts of stuff in my face to get us to move out there ... and i just can't do it ... every guy i have ever dated has had a problem with the relationship i have with my parents ... i let them control many aspects of my life because it is easier than arguing with them ... and it makes them happy ... and they are always so upset with how my brother seems to have no regard for them ... so to appease everyone but myself i just give in ...


well i love david way too much to let my parents get in the way ... it bothered eric a lot ... he felt like he was being bought all the time and i understand where he is coming from ... i am not going to let that happen with my relationship with david ... this relationship means the world to me ...

Addict

well i accomplished a goal i set for myself ... not that it was a big goal ... or even an important one for that matter ... but i am now at the level of 'addict' on Launch.com ... i have rated over 2000 songs ... 2021 to be exact at this moment ... it took me about 2 years to do ... not that i listened all the time ... but i signed up for launch when i lived in vegas and got my cable modem ... and i have gone through times of listening to it ... forgetting about it ... and then listening again ... every 4 hours on launch they change the featured DJ's ... you have to have at least 2000 songs to be in this catagory ... so that means at some point my station will be up there for people to listen to ... groovy huh?

well i accomplished a goal i set for myself ... not that it was a big goal ... or even an important one for that matter ... but i am now at the level of 'addict' on Launch.com ... i have rated over 2000 songs ... 2021 to be exact at this moment ... it took me about 2 years to do ... not that i listened all the time ... but i signed up for launch when i lived in vegas and got my cable modem ... and i have gone through times of listening to it ... forgetting about it ... and then listening again ... every 4 hours on launch they change the featured DJ's ... you have to have at least 2000 songs to be in this catagory ... so that means at some point my station will be up there for people to listen to ... groovy huh?

You're On Fire

something happened last night that made me laugh so fricken hard it is unbelieveable ...


david and i went to get coffee ... we were getting close to home when i thought i smelled something burning ... but then that happens often so i didn't say anything ... david finally said 'do you smell something burning' and i said ... 'yes i do'


he turned around to see if maybe a cig flew into the back seat and said ... 'damn i see smoke' ... so i immediately pulled over and unlocked the car door so he could open the sliding door and see what it was ... he looked in the very back of the van to see if maybe our futon [which we are storing in the car cause we have no place to put it] might be burning ... but it wasn't ... and we were moving stuff all around in the middle section of the van to see if it was back there ... he said 'i don't see anything' then turned so i could see his back and said 'is it me ... am i burning?' ... and i saw smoke coming from the hood of his sweat jacket and i screaming ... 'oh my god it is you ... you're burning' ...


he took his jacket off and flipped the cig out of the hood ... if fell into the car and he picked it up and tossed it on the ground and put his jacket back on and got in the car ... and i just started lauging so hard and said 'honey take your jacket off you are still smoking' ... he took it off and flipped the hood out and there were smoldering embers ... he rubbed it all out ... as tears were streaming down my face from laughing so hard ...


now at the time he was laughing pretty hard too ... that the cig he flicked out the window flew back in and into the hood of his jacket ... but throughout the rest of the night it just kept me cracking up and he doesn't find it that funny anymore ... he is all sad there is a big burn hole in his jacket ... but even typing this out i am crying from laughing so hard ...


so here is what this event did to his jacket ...

something happened last night that made me laugh so fricken hard it is unbelieveable ...


david and i went to get coffee ... we were getting close to home when i thought i smelled something burning ... but then that happens often so i didn't say anything ... david finally said 'do you smell something burning' and i said ... 'yes i do'


he turned around to see if maybe a cig flew into the back seat and said ... 'damn i see smoke' ... so i immediately pulled over and unlocked the car door so he could open the sliding door and see what it was ... he looked in the very back of the van to see if maybe our futon [which we are storing in the car cause we have no place to put it] might be burning ... but it wasn't ... and we were moving stuff all around in the middle section of the van to see if it was back there ... he said 'i don't see anything' then turned so i could see his back and said 'is it me ... am i burning?' ... and i saw smoke coming from the hood of his sweat jacket and i screaming ... 'oh my god it is you ... you're burning' ...


he took his jacket off and flipped the cig out of the hood ... if fell into the car and he picked it up and tossed it on the ground and put his jacket back on and got in the car ... and i just started lauging so hard and said 'honey take your jacket off you are still smoking' ... he took it off and flipped the hood out and there were smoldering embers ... he rubbed it all out ... as tears were streaming down my face from laughing so hard ...


now at the time he was laughing pretty hard too ... that the cig he flicked out the window flew back in and into the hood of his jacket ... but throughout the rest of the night it just kept me cracking up and he doesn't find it that funny anymore ... he is all sad there is a big burn hole in his jacket ... but even typing this out i am crying from laughing so hard ...


so here is what this event did to his jacket ...

Levels

Q. What do the "levels" mean?


A. We use levels on the station page to highlight DJs that have spent a significant amount of time rating music for their stations. The more items you rate, the higher your level will be. Here are the levels:


addict > 2000 ratings

trendsetter > 700 ratings

enthusiast > 150 ratings

listener <= 150 ratings

Q. What do the "levels" mean?


A. We use levels on the station page to highlight DJs that have spent a significant amount of time rating music for their stations. The more items you rate, the higher your level will be. Here are the levels:


addict > 2000 ratings

trendsetter > 700 ratings

enthusiast > 150 ratings

listener <= 150 ratings

Purging

you know i haven't really written much in what feels like ages and tonight it feels like i am purging my soul ... it feels so good getting so much out ... maybe it is the fact that i am listening to music instead of sitting here with the TV on ... this i know for sure is a good good thing

you know i haven't really written much in what feels like ages and tonight it feels like i am purging my soul ... it feels so good getting so much out ... maybe it is the fact that i am listening to music instead of sitting here with the TV on ... this i know for sure is a good good thing

Where I've Lived

I was thinking today on our long car ride to the interview ... of all the places i have lived i think New York is my least favorite ... which if you speak to any New Yorker this is the best place in the world ... but i believe that is because most of them have never lived anywhere else let alone leave the state ... they have nothing to compare it to ... but to me ... i am pretty positive this is my least favorite ... mind you it has a special place in my heart cause i met david here ... and that means the world to me ...


over my lifetime i have lived in:

Allentown, Pennsylvana

Fountain Valley, Newport Beach, Upton, Diamond Bar, West Covina, California

Lawrence, Kansas

Durham, North Carolina

Las Vegas, Nevada

Potomac, Maryland

Lindenhurst, New York


I have incredably fond memories of all these places ... places i loved to go and hang out ... walk around ... have dinner ... party ... in each and every place ... no matter how long or short the stay was ... and when i go back to visit any of these place they all have things i have to go and do to spark those memories ... but not New York ...


now i was born in PA but i still remember how great Dorny Park was and would love to go back there ... in cali shit i love going to Wahoo's Fish Tacos and South Coast Plaza and The Bead Shop in Laguna ... Disneyland will always be fun ... The Old Spaghetti Factory out on the Balboa Pennsula and the Fun Zone taking the ferry across to the island ... seeing the palm trees decorated with white christmas lights up the trunks at Fashion Island around Christmas ... and from when i lived in LA county you gotta eat at The Buffalo Inn and the funky shops on Melrose Ave ...


In kansas it is a must to have a beer at The Freestate Brewery ... along with dinner ... and subs at The Yellow Sub ... camping out at Clinton Lake ... hiking up the hill to go to The Natural History museum on campus [god i love that place] ... walking down Mass Street for a little shopping and most definitely stopping at The Phil Zone [where i worked] along with hot glazed donuts at 11 PM at Joe's Bakery [another place i worked] ...


In Durham it was awesome to go to downtown ... they have a killer used record store ... one of those places where you paint your own ceramics ... shopping in the old tobacco factories they converted to shops ... taking a trip to Raleigh to go to Have A Nice Day Cafe or shopping at all the vintage shops in Chappel Hill ...


and damn does vegas need an explanation ... but every time i go back i have to go to MGM Grand and have a Fat Tuesday's drink ... then over to New York New York ... love going to The Drink for bitchen music and drinks out of jelly jars ... sandwiches at Capriotti's [man they are the bomb] ... the most unbelieveably great chiropractor ... some cheap gambling at The Fiesta and walking around downtown and seeing the light show on the ceiling of the open air walkway ...


and in Maryland ... well what can i say ... i love all the museums but especially the National Building Museum ... touring the White House rocks ... seeing fireworks while sitting on the lawn at the reflecting pool ... the Lincoln Memorial and the Korean War memorial bring tears to my eyes every time i go ... Georgetown is awesome beyond words ... i have a blast each time i go down there even when some of those times were on really bad dates ... Chicken Out Rotissery makes the best spinich in the whole damn world ... the train there is a dream to take ... and there is an awesome bead shop in downtown DC ...


but New York ... i don't have these kinds of feelings ... i can't think of anything here that i would need to come back and see ... what the diner where david and i go for french toast ... you can get french toast anywhere ...


i mean maybe it is because we haven't really had much money since we have known each other ... but the only place i mentioned in this enormous list that cost money was Disneyland and David and i have been there ...


i guess maybe i have been wondering what is keeping us here ... i know in order to buy a place in DC we have to live at my parents for a while ... but would it really be that bad ... i have done it many times before ... but the reward would be owning our own place ... that had fucking windows ... the basement is becomming so depressing ...


we are going to stay at my parents for about a week over Thanksgiving week ... and we can see how it goes then ... there is so much to do there so we will spend a week not sitting in the house on our computers ... which can only be good for us ... that is for sure ... and i guess see how everything goes ... :)

I was thinking today on our long car ride to the interview ... of all the places i have lived i think New York is my least favorite ... which if you speak to any New Yorker this is the best place in the world ... but i believe that is because most of them have never lived anywhere else let alone leave the state ... they have nothing to compare it to ... but to me ... i am pretty positive this is my least favorite ... mind you it has a special place in my heart cause i met david here ... and that means the world to me ...


over my lifetime i have lived in:

Allentown, Pennsylvana

Fountain Valley, Newport Beach, Upton, Diamond Bar, West Covina, California

Lawrence, Kansas

Durham, North Carolina

Las Vegas, Nevada

Potomac, Maryland

Lindenhurst, New York


I have incredably fond memories of all these places ... places i loved to go and hang out ... walk around ... have dinner ... party ... in each and every place ... no matter how long or short the stay was ... and when i go back to visit any of these place they all have things i have to go and do to spark those memories ... but not New York ...


now i was born in PA but i still remember how great Dorny Park was and would love to go back there ... in cali shit i love going to Wahoo's Fish Tacos and South Coast Plaza and The Bead Shop in Laguna ... Disneyland will always be fun ... The Old Spaghetti Factory out on the Balboa Pennsula and the Fun Zone taking the ferry across to the island ... seeing the palm trees decorated with white christmas lights up the trunks at Fashion Island around Christmas ... and from when i lived in LA county you gotta eat at The Buffalo Inn and the funky shops on Melrose Ave ...


In kansas it is a must to have a beer at The Freestate Brewery ... along with dinner ... and subs at The Yellow Sub ... camping out at Clinton Lake ... hiking up the hill to go to The Natural History museum on campus [god i love that place] ... walking down Mass Street for a little shopping and most definitely stopping at The Phil Zone [where i worked] along with hot glazed donuts at 11 PM at Joe's Bakery [another place i worked] ...


In Durham it was awesome to go to downtown ... they have a killer used record store ... one of those places where you paint your own ceramics ... shopping in the old tobacco factories they converted to shops ... taking a trip to Raleigh to go to Have A Nice Day Cafe or shopping at all the vintage shops in Chappel Hill ...


and damn does vegas need an explanation ... but every time i go back i have to go to MGM Grand and have a Fat Tuesday's drink ... then over to New York New York ... love going to The Drink for bitchen music and drinks out of jelly jars ... sandwiches at Capriotti's [man they are the bomb] ... the most unbelieveably great chiropractor ... some cheap gambling at The Fiesta and walking around downtown and seeing the light show on the ceiling of the open air walkway ...


and in Maryland ... well what can i say ... i love all the museums but especially the National Building Museum ... touring the White House rocks ... seeing fireworks while sitting on the lawn at the reflecting pool ... the Lincoln Memorial and the Korean War memorial bring tears to my eyes every time i go ... Georgetown is awesome beyond words ... i have a blast each time i go down there even when some of those times were on really bad dates ... Chicken Out Rotissery makes the best spinich in the whole damn world ... the train there is a dream to take ... and there is an awesome bead shop in downtown DC ...


but New York ... i don't have these kinds of feelings ... i can't think of anything here that i would need to come back and see ... what the diner where david and i go for french toast ... you can get french toast anywhere ...


i mean maybe it is because we haven't really had much money since we have known each other ... but the only place i mentioned in this enormous list that cost money was Disneyland and David and i have been there ...


i guess maybe i have been wondering what is keeping us here ... i know in order to buy a place in DC we have to live at my parents for a while ... but would it really be that bad ... i have done it many times before ... but the reward would be owning our own place ... that had fucking windows ... the basement is becomming so depressing ...


we are going to stay at my parents for about a week over Thanksgiving week ... and we can see how it goes then ... there is so much to do there so we will spend a week not sitting in the house on our computers ... which can only be good for us ... that is for sure ... and i guess see how everything goes ... :)

Headphones

on a positive note ... i got a new earphones for my computer/mp3 player ... i lost the ones i had when i was in DC for my brother's wedding ... and i thought they were the best but tonight i bougt a pair that go around your neck and shit if they aren't the most comfortable ones i have ever worn ... they fucking rock ... and i remembered about my LAUNCHcast station today ... so i have been listening to music most of the evening ... i added a link for my station on the blog ... i have been digging it ... i have rated 1651 songs since i have had launch cast ... which i think is about 2 years ... that sets me at the 'trendsetter' level ... when i get to 2000 songs i will be a DJ and other people will get links to my station ... pretty bitchen huh ... i think i am going to try to be at 2000 by the end of the weekend ...


Right now Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills & Nash is on ... i love this song ... it totally reminds me of being in college at the University of Kansas ... probably cause i played the 'Woodstock' cd often ...

on a positive note ... i got a new earphones for my computer/mp3 player ... i lost the ones i had when i was in DC for my brother's wedding ... and i thought they were the best but tonight i bougt a pair that go around your neck and shit if they aren't the most comfortable ones i have ever worn ... they fucking rock ... and i remembered about my LAUNCHcast station today ... so i have been listening to music most of the evening ... i added a link for my station on the blog ... i have been digging it ... i have rated 1651 songs since i have had launch cast ... which i think is about 2 years ... that sets me at the 'trendsetter' level ... when i get to 2000 songs i will be a DJ and other people will get links to my station ... pretty bitchen huh ... i think i am going to try to be at 2000 by the end of the weekend ...


Right now Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills & Nash is on ... i love this song ... it totally reminds me of being in college at the University of Kansas ... probably cause i played the 'Woodstock' cd often ...

Job Interview

well today didn't go quite how i had planned ... the interview was bogus ... the company david interviewed with is totally taking advantage of the fact that many people in the web hosting industry are out of a job now ... so the salary they are offering is soooooooo low ... i mean it is insulting how low it is for the skills they require [all of which davie has] ... and it is a job that will easily be more than 40 hours a week so when you factor that in the pay is even lower ...


a friend of his thinks he should take the job if they offer it to him in spite of the shitty conditions and i don't think he should ... first of all i am the one that has to live with him while he is working at a job where he feels people are bending him over and fucking him up the ass ... i have gone through that already and it fucking sucks ... he may be bummed out and depressed about not working right now but it is worse when he is at a job he hates or feels he is being taken advantage of ... secondly we have more money right now than we have had when both of us were working ... and we have all this work to do for my dad ... right now we aren't in dire straights ...


if he just wants to work to have some place to go ... and have some time apart then i am still voting for Starbucks ... it is like 7 minutes from the house ... he gets full benefits even if he works part time ... stock options and a pound of fucking coffee each week ... plus he doesn't have to pay for the coffee he wants to drink ... shit we spend about 15 bucks a day there minimum ... some days even more ... and at home we drink about a pound a week ... sometimes even more ... if we don't have to pay for some of our coffee he is already making an additional $120 a week right there ... plus benefits which he doesn't have right now ... and we already know everyone that works there and they are all pretty damn nice ... so why put yourself in a position that just thinking about is making you miserable ...


i mean we also have another option ... my parents have come to terms with the fact that i will probably never get married ... and that if i do i am at the point in life that a big wedding doesn't appeal to me ... i don't have as many friends as i did in my 20's ... so they have offered to use the money they saved for my wedding as a down payment on a condo in the DC area ... a new condo ... 3 bedrooms ... windows ... the works [for us after living in this dungeon] ... we can always move there ...


in my heart i just don't want him to take this job he interviewed for today because i don't want to go through the misery of him working a job he hates ... it just makes life unpleasent ... i realize his need to work ... but to me right now harmony in the house is more important ...

well today didn't go quite how i had planned ... the interview was bogus ... the company david interviewed with is totally taking advantage of the fact that many people in the web hosting industry are out of a job now ... so the salary they are offering is soooooooo low ... i mean it is insulting how low it is for the skills they require [all of which davie has] ... and it is a job that will easily be more than 40 hours a week so when you factor that in the pay is even lower ...


a friend of his thinks he should take the job if they offer it to him in spite of the shitty conditions and i don't think he should ... first of all i am the one that has to live with him while he is working at a job where he feels people are bending him over and fucking him up the ass ... i have gone through that already and it fucking sucks ... he may be bummed out and depressed about not working right now but it is worse when he is at a job he hates or feels he is being taken advantage of ... secondly we have more money right now than we have had when both of us were working ... and we have all this work to do for my dad ... right now we aren't in dire straights ...


if he just wants to work to have some place to go ... and have some time apart then i am still voting for Starbucks ... it is like 7 minutes from the house ... he gets full benefits even if he works part time ... stock options and a pound of fucking coffee each week ... plus he doesn't have to pay for the coffee he wants to drink ... shit we spend about 15 bucks a day there minimum ... some days even more ... and at home we drink about a pound a week ... sometimes even more ... if we don't have to pay for some of our coffee he is already making an additional $120 a week right there ... plus benefits which he doesn't have right now ... and we already know everyone that works there and they are all pretty damn nice ... so why put yourself in a position that just thinking about is making you miserable ...


i mean we also have another option ... my parents have come to terms with the fact that i will probably never get married ... and that if i do i am at the point in life that a big wedding doesn't appeal to me ... i don't have as many friends as i did in my 20's ... so they have offered to use the money they saved for my wedding as a down payment on a condo in the DC area ... a new condo ... 3 bedrooms ... windows ... the works [for us after living in this dungeon] ... we can always move there ...


in my heart i just don't want him to take this job he interviewed for today because i don't want to go through the misery of him working a job he hates ... it just makes life unpleasent ... i realize his need to work ... but to me right now harmony in the house is more important ...

New Host

oh and by the way ... i should shamelessly plug my hosting company ... it is asnetworks.net ... they rock ... if you are looking for a great web hosting company check them out ... i worked in the web hosting industry for years and they are by far better than any company i have worked for ...

oh and by the way ... i should shamelessly plug my hosting company ... it is asnetworks.net ... they rock ... if you are looking for a great web hosting company check them out ... i worked in the web hosting industry for years and they are by far better than any company i have worked for ...

Where Are You Sleep

my problems with sleeping have gone to the crazy stage ... it is like i just can't do it ... and when i do finally fall asleep ... it isn't great sleep ... and it is for about 3-4 hours ... then i am up ... sometimes i go back to sleep after a couple of hours for 3-4 more hours ... but it is just crazy ...


david and i were just laying in bed for over an hour and couldn't fall asleep ... so now we are back up and at the computer ... he has an interview tomorrow too ... at least it isn't until 2:30 in the afternoon ... but still it is crazy that we can't sleep ...


i don't even know how either of us will have a regular job again ... i've tried to retrain my body the last week ... twice i got in bed before 11 PM ... but was up by 2 AM and wide awake ...


and to top things off we bought 2 quickcams on ebay and one works and one doesn't ... and i wasted a huge amout of time trying to figure that out ... now who even knows if the guy will respond to my email about the cam not working ... i mean he has his money ... it wouldn't be the first time we got ripped off on ebay ...


one good thing ... my hosting company ... who by the way kicks some ass ... they called me tonight because the http was sending an error ... can you believe a hosting company calling a client to tell them their server is down ... well after hours of checking stuff out we figured out it was a perl script we ran when setting up our own domain reseller stuff ... so davie found the problem and fixed it ... but it could have been quite sometime before we knew it wasn't running ... probably when i tried to post this blog and i would be bummed to loose all this ... so that turned out to be a great thing ...

well i think i am going to make another attempt at sleep ... even though i am not the least bit tired ... :)

my problems with sleeping have gone to the crazy stage ... it is like i just can't do it ... and when i do finally fall asleep ... it isn't great sleep ... and it is for about 3-4 hours ... then i am up ... sometimes i go back to sleep after a couple of hours for 3-4 more hours ... but it is just crazy ...


david and i were just laying in bed for over an hour and couldn't fall asleep ... so now we are back up and at the computer ... he has an interview tomorrow too ... at least it isn't until 2:30 in the afternoon ... but still it is crazy that we can't sleep ...


i don't even know how either of us will have a regular job again ... i've tried to retrain my body the last week ... twice i got in bed before 11 PM ... but was up by 2 AM and wide awake ...


and to top things off we bought 2 quickcams on ebay and one works and one doesn't ... and i wasted a huge amout of time trying to figure that out ... now who even knows if the guy will respond to my email about the cam not working ... i mean he has his money ... it wouldn't be the first time we got ripped off on ebay ...


one good thing ... my hosting company ... who by the way kicks some ass ... they called me tonight because the http was sending an error ... can you believe a hosting company calling a client to tell them their server is down ... well after hours of checking stuff out we figured out it was a perl script we ran when setting up our own domain reseller stuff ... so davie found the problem and fixed it ... but it could have been quite sometime before we knew it wasn't running ... probably when i tried to post this blog and i would be bummed to loose all this ... so that turned out to be a great thing ...

well i think i am going to make another attempt at sleep ... even though i am not the least bit tired ... :)

Woman

Kris sent me this today and i just love it:


Girly Poem


I shave my legs,

I sit down to pee.

And I can justify any shopping spree.


Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage without a hard-on.


I can balance the checkbook;

I can pump my own gas.

Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.


My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.

At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.


I don't drive in circles, at any cost.

And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.


I never forget, an important date.

You just gotta deal with it; I'm usually late.


I don't watch movies, with lots of gore.

Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.


I won't lose my hair;

I don't get jock itch.

And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.


Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.

In your dreams, my dear - I can do better!


Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best.

Would you look at my face,

Not at my chest!


I don't have a problem, with expressing my feelings.

I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling.


Don't call me a girl,

A babe or a chick.

I am a WOMAN,

Get it, you prick?

Kris sent me this today and i just love it:


Girly Poem


I shave my legs,

I sit down to pee.

And I can justify any shopping spree.


Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage without a hard-on.


I can balance the checkbook;

I can pump my own gas.

Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.


My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.

At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.


I don't drive in circles, at any cost.

And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.


I never forget, an important date.

You just gotta deal with it; I'm usually late.


I don't watch movies, with lots of gore.

Don't need instant replay, to remember the score.


I won't lose my hair;

I don't get jock itch.

And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.


Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.

In your dreams, my dear - I can do better!


Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best.

Would you look at my face,

Not at my chest!


I don't have a problem, with expressing my feelings.

I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling.


Don't call me a girl,

A babe or a chick.

I am a WOMAN,

Get it, you prick?

Cam Site

so david and i have been talking about starting a cam site ... i had one for about 2 years and totally loved having it ... and david and i could make it a membership site ... and make a little money on the side ... not a lot of money but a little ...


so to prepare for the site we bought a couple of more web cams from ebay ... i have 3 but i only like one of them ... so we bought 2 more of that same kind ... we also went and bought some rope lighting to add light to the room without having to turn on every light in the house ... so it is totally cool tonight david took the clear rope light and affixed it under our desk ... it is soooooooo bitchen ... it lights up the whole area ... it is like we just added all this space to the office because you can actually see down there now ... all the storage we have under there is actually useful ... it is just bitchen ... we also added a red rope light around the headboard of the bed ... [it is so cool both of us like light in the room where we sleep ... i never thought i would meet someone else that didn't want pitch black to sleep] ... now we have green ones to go around the ceiling of the room and then a purple and a blue to add wherever we want ... we have a green and a purple up on the ceiling now ... but we are taking down the purple and adding green to go all the way around ... i think i am going to add one to the kitchen and the do something funky with the last one ... we'll see ... i am sure we will work on that tomorrow ...


well i think i am going to tool around ebay for a while and see if i can find anything neat-o

so david and i have been talking about starting a cam site ... i had one for about 2 years and totally loved having it ... and david and i could make it a membership site ... and make a little money on the side ... not a lot of money but a little ...


so to prepare for the site we bought a couple of more web cams from ebay ... i have 3 but i only like one of them ... so we bought 2 more of that same kind ... we also went and bought some rope lighting to add light to the room without having to turn on every light in the house ... so it is totally cool tonight david took the clear rope light and affixed it under our desk ... it is soooooooo bitchen ... it lights up the whole area ... it is like we just added all this space to the office because you can actually see down there now ... all the storage we have under there is actually useful ... it is just bitchen ... we also added a red rope light around the headboard of the bed ... [it is so cool both of us like light in the room where we sleep ... i never thought i would meet someone else that didn't want pitch black to sleep] ... now we have green ones to go around the ceiling of the room and then a purple and a blue to add wherever we want ... we have a green and a purple up on the ceiling now ... but we are taking down the purple and adding green to go all the way around ... i think i am going to add one to the kitchen and the do something funky with the last one ... we'll see ... i am sure we will work on that tomorrow ...


well i think i am going to tool around ebay for a while and see if i can find anything neat-o