NYE

It is the last day of 2001 and i must say ... i am soooooooooooooooo happy this year is over!!!!!

I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...

i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100


we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV


i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...


well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)


Happy New Year!!

It is the last day of 2001 and i must say ... i am soooooooooooooooo happy this year is over!!!!!

I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...

i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100


we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV


i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...


well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)


Happy New Year!!

Wedding Story

i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...


i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...

i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...


i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...

What Is It?

this isn't going to be a very happy entry for christmas eve ... but i gotta get it out so i stop crying ...


i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...


i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...


everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...


i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...


what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...


shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...


my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore

this isn't going to be a very happy entry for christmas eve ... but i gotta get it out so i stop crying ...


i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...


i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...


everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...


i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...


what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...


shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...


my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore

Odd Dream

i had some very vivid dreams last night ... i dreamt i was breast feeding a baby ... i dreamt i was in lawrence, kansas and hanging out at a restaurant while an old good friend (not sure who it was) was working ... and a woman came over to me to order a pink cake ... i told her i didn't work there but that i would let someone know for her ... i dreamt i tried to breast feed while driving and deceided it wasn't a good idea cause i almost bumped into the car in front of me cause i had trouble reaching the break peddle ... and i dreamt i got to my house and had to open the gate with a key and got it open just in time for a big truck to roar out the gates ...


so this is what the dream dictionary says:

Breasts / Breast Feeding

Dreaming about breasts can have obvious sexual meaning. However, consider all of the details in your dream in order to obtain the most appropriate meaning. Breasts also represent tenderness, love, and other matters of the heart. Breastfeeding is symbolic of giving or receiving, nurturing, and sustenance. It represents motherly love as well as physical and emotional support and well being. Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.


Cake

It may symbolize the sweet and pleasurable parts of life. The dream may be interpreted according to your interaction with the cake in the dream.


Pink

Pink usually symbolizes health and good feelings. It is a traditionally a feminine color, and some feel that it connotes love. Pink is soft and fuzzy, like girls!


Car

The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey


Key

As with most dreams, look for the obvious connections by comparing the details or the theme of your dream to your daily life. Are you trying to figure something out and "unlock" a puzzling question? Do you wish to hide something? Are you locking something up or are you opening the door? Last, but not least, does this dream have any sexual connotations?


Baby

Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless.

i had some very vivid dreams last night ... i dreamt i was breast feeding a baby ... i dreamt i was in lawrence, kansas and hanging out at a restaurant while an old good friend (not sure who it was) was working ... and a woman came over to me to order a pink cake ... i told her i didn't work there but that i would let someone know for her ... i dreamt i tried to breast feed while driving and deceided it wasn't a good idea cause i almost bumped into the car in front of me cause i had trouble reaching the break peddle ... and i dreamt i got to my house and had to open the gate with a key and got it open just in time for a big truck to roar out the gates ...


so this is what the dream dictionary says:

Breasts / Breast Feeding

Dreaming about breasts can have obvious sexual meaning. However, consider all of the details in your dream in order to obtain the most appropriate meaning. Breasts also represent tenderness, love, and other matters of the heart. Breastfeeding is symbolic of giving or receiving, nurturing, and sustenance. It represents motherly love as well as physical and emotional support and well being. Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.


Cake

It may symbolize the sweet and pleasurable parts of life. The dream may be interpreted according to your interaction with the cake in the dream.


Pink

Pink usually symbolizes health and good feelings. It is a traditionally a feminine color, and some feel that it connotes love. Pink is soft and fuzzy, like girls!


Car

The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey


Key

As with most dreams, look for the obvious connections by comparing the details or the theme of your dream to your daily life. Are you trying to figure something out and "unlock" a puzzling question? Do you wish to hide something? Are you locking something up or are you opening the door? Last, but not least, does this dream have any sexual connotations?


Baby

Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless.

Pain

i am so depressed ... my life feels like it is going down the crapper ...

when david gets mad or upset with me ... i try to work things out ...

when i get upset or mad with david ... he punishes me by not speaking to me and sits in the other room ...


i don't understand that ... i don't think that he realize that when he does that ... i spend half the time in this room crying ... it makes my chest hurt ... my heart ... i feel a lump on my soul ...


and when i go and get in bed ... he will wake up and come back in the computer room ...


i am aching with pain right now ...

i am so depressed ... my life feels like it is going down the crapper ...

when david gets mad or upset with me ... i try to work things out ...

when i get upset or mad with david ... he punishes me by not speaking to me and sits in the other room ...


i don't understand that ... i don't think that he realize that when he does that ... i spend half the time in this room crying ... it makes my chest hurt ... my heart ... i feel a lump on my soul ...


and when i go and get in bed ... he will wake up and come back in the computer room ...


i am aching with pain right now ...

Meaning Of Life

Mallory from "Family Ties" meaning of life ...

be happy

try not to hurt other people

hope you fall in love

Mallory from "Family Ties" meaning of life ...

be happy

try not to hurt other people

hope you fall in love

Unhappy

i am really scared ... i am scared david is unhappy with his job and life because he isn't happy with me ... he talks about how much he loved working at his last job [the one right before we were working at the same place ... where we met] ... and since then he hasn't had a job he is happy with ... and he is frustrated and upset so much of the time ... i don't want to be the reason he is unhappy ... it really scares me ...

i am really scared ... i am scared david is unhappy with his job and life because he isn't happy with me ... he talks about how much he loved working at his last job [the one right before we were working at the same place ... where we met] ... and since then he hasn't had a job he is happy with ... and he is frustrated and upset so much of the time ... i don't want to be the reason he is unhappy ... it really scares me ...

Lacking Attention

everything lately seems to be about what makes life easier for david ... and it is kind of starting to irk me ... when i worked and he didn't i still had to ask him to do dishes or fix dinner ... once in a while a bug would get up his butt and he would clean without being asked ... but i felt like i still did more around the house than he did ... now he is working and i am not and i have been doing the dishes all the time ... in the last 2 weeks he hasn't done them once ... and i make dinner every night ...


i just asked him if we could leave here at 11:30 to take him to work so we could go to the post office first ... it is right down the street and that way we could use his credit card and i would haven't to stop and get money out ... he said "why don't you just stop and get money" ... see so it makes life easier for david ...


i guess i am just frustrated ... and lacking attention ...

everything lately seems to be about what makes life easier for david ... and it is kind of starting to irk me ... when i worked and he didn't i still had to ask him to do dishes or fix dinner ... once in a while a bug would get up his butt and he would clean without being asked ... but i felt like i still did more around the house than he did ... now he is working and i am not and i have been doing the dishes all the time ... in the last 2 weeks he hasn't done them once ... and i make dinner every night ...


i just asked him if we could leave here at 11:30 to take him to work so we could go to the post office first ... it is right down the street and that way we could use his credit card and i would haven't to stop and get money out ... he said "why don't you just stop and get money" ... see so it makes life easier for david ...


i guess i am just frustrated ... and lacking attention ...

Movies

well the DVD player is bitchen ... we went and rented a couple of DVDs ... we watched Rush Hour 2 and then i watched the second DVD of Fight Club ... all the while i started working on wrapping my christmas gifts ... i thought i would be finished tonight and could mail everything tomorrow ... boy was i kidding myself ... i didn't even put a dent in what i need to wrap ... i will be spending the day tomorrow wrapping gifts ... so i think when i take rush hour 2 back i am going to rent Legally Blonde ... cause even though i want david to watch it and i know he would dig it ... he isn't going to watch it so i might as well spend the day watching it and wrapping gifts ...


we also didn't get to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" today so i think i may watch that tomorrow too while wrapping gifts ... i love that movie so much i could watch it 100 times ... :)

well the DVD player is bitchen ... we went and rented a couple of DVDs ... we watched Rush Hour 2 and then i watched the second DVD of Fight Club ... all the while i started working on wrapping my christmas gifts ... i thought i would be finished tonight and could mail everything tomorrow ... boy was i kidding myself ... i didn't even put a dent in what i need to wrap ... i will be spending the day tomorrow wrapping gifts ... so i think when i take rush hour 2 back i am going to rent Legally Blonde ... cause even though i want david to watch it and i know he would dig it ... he isn't going to watch it so i might as well spend the day watching it and wrapping gifts ...


we also didn't get to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" today so i think i may watch that tomorrow too while wrapping gifts ... i love that movie so much i could watch it 100 times ... :)

Bad Day

this has been a sucky anniversary ... david was in a foul mood when i picked him up from work ... and then he was late for class ... when i got home there were 3 packages sitting there ... one was a huge box with our DVD player ... it was light but my dad packed it in a bigger box ... well while i was carrying it downstairs kramer tried to get out and when i yelled at him i tripped and fell down the stairs ... and came smack down on both knees on the tile floor ... dropped the dvd player and slammed my elbows into the floor as well ... not a good day

this has been a sucky anniversary ... david was in a foul mood when i picked him up from work ... and then he was late for class ... when i got home there were 3 packages sitting there ... one was a huge box with our DVD player ... it was light but my dad packed it in a bigger box ... well while i was carrying it downstairs kramer tried to get out and when i yelled at him i tripped and fell down the stairs ... and came smack down on both knees on the tile floor ... dropped the dvd player and slammed my elbows into the floor as well ... not a good day

Karma Doubt

that stupid man from ebay bothered all me all day ... you know sometimes it seems like there is no reward for being honest ... all this hassle and i lost 30 bucks ... it just isn't right ... i doubt karma on occasion and this is one of those occasions ...


well tomorrow david works all day ... kinda of a bummer since it is our anniversary ... only a bummer cause he will be so tired when he gets home ... and we are supposed to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" ...


and since he is going to be at work all day tomorrow i am going to work on wrapping holiday gifts and setting up the candles i want to make ... cause i really need to get those made .. because i need to get my gifts in the mail ... at least i am still waiting on a couple of items that are being shipped ... :)


well i have been up late enough ... i am going to give sleep another shot ... i got into bed at midnight with davie but just couldn't fall asleep ... so now that it is 2:30 i think it is time to head to bed ... :).

that stupid man from ebay bothered all me all day ... you know sometimes it seems like there is no reward for being honest ... all this hassle and i lost 30 bucks ... it just isn't right ... i doubt karma on occasion and this is one of those occasions ...


well tomorrow david works all day ... kinda of a bummer since it is our anniversary ... only a bummer cause he will be so tired when he gets home ... and we are supposed to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" ...


and since he is going to be at work all day tomorrow i am going to work on wrapping holiday gifts and setting up the candles i want to make ... cause i really need to get those made .. because i need to get my gifts in the mail ... at least i am still waiting on a couple of items that are being shipped ... :)


well i have been up late enough ... i am going to give sleep another shot ... i got into bed at midnight with davie but just couldn't fall asleep ... so now that it is 2:30 i think it is time to head to bed ... :).

Bad Buys

i am so upset right now ... unethical people grate at my last nerve ...

last month i bought 2 QuickCam Pros on ebay ... i paid 28.00 for each of them ... when i got them one worked just fine ... one looked totally different and didn't work ... it had a shorter cord and was a different color ... i contacted the seller and he told me to mail the cam back and he would send me a replacement camera ... so i did


well i didn't hear from him for about a week ... and when i did hear from him he told me that the camera he received wasn't the one he sent me ... that the cord had been ripped out of the camera, shortened and put back in ... that i colored the ring with a magic marker to make it look like a QuickCam pro and that it was beaten in on the side ...


i had sent him my phone number and he said he tried to call me several times but no one ever answered ... i checked my caller ID and there wasn't one unaccounted for call ... nor did he ever leave a message on my machine ... so i wrote him back explaining i did not send him so old camera in hopes of ripping him off and that i worked out of my home and that his number was never on my caller ID


he never responded


i wrote again telling him i wanted my money back for the camera ... again he never responded ... so tonight i filed negative feedback ... then he filed negative feedback saying i was trying to rip him off ... then he wrote to ebay's SafeHarbor saying i never paid for my purchases ... since i bought two cameras from him he filed a non payment twice ... when you get 3 of them you are cut off from using ebay ...


so i filed fraud charges against him on SafeHarbor sending my paypal receipt that i paid for the items ... i also filed a claim through ebay insurance to get my money back ...


i am just so mad ... being accused of something i didn't do ... and getting ripped of in the end ... it is just wrong ... and bad karma ...

i am so upset right now ... unethical people grate at my last nerve ...

last month i bought 2 QuickCam Pros on ebay ... i paid 28.00 for each of them ... when i got them one worked just fine ... one looked totally different and didn't work ... it had a shorter cord and was a different color ... i contacted the seller and he told me to mail the cam back and he would send me a replacement camera ... so i did


well i didn't hear from him for about a week ... and when i did hear from him he told me that the camera he received wasn't the one he sent me ... that the cord had been ripped out of the camera, shortened and put back in ... that i colored the ring with a magic marker to make it look like a QuickCam pro and that it was beaten in on the side ...


i had sent him my phone number and he said he tried to call me several times but no one ever answered ... i checked my caller ID and there wasn't one unaccounted for call ... nor did he ever leave a message on my machine ... so i wrote him back explaining i did not send him so old camera in hopes of ripping him off and that i worked out of my home and that his number was never on my caller ID


he never responded


i wrote again telling him i wanted my money back for the camera ... again he never responded ... so tonight i filed negative feedback ... then he filed negative feedback saying i was trying to rip him off ... then he wrote to ebay's SafeHarbor saying i never paid for my purchases ... since i bought two cameras from him he filed a non payment twice ... when you get 3 of them you are cut off from using ebay ...


so i filed fraud charges against him on SafeHarbor sending my paypal receipt that i paid for the items ... i also filed a claim through ebay insurance to get my money back ...


i am just so mad ... being accused of something i didn't do ... and getting ripped of in the end ... it is just wrong ... and bad karma ...

Love

well i set up a great menu for the week ... since david has to work so much i am going to fix dinner each night ... no more pizza and fast food shit ... and there will be enough to pack left overs for his lunch ...


Wednesday, December 12, 2001 will be our 1 year anniversary ... i can't believe we have been together a whole year ... time has just flown by ... it really has been a great year ... we have had amazing hardships ... things most couples don't deal with for years and years and we tackled them all head on and grew stronger from the experiences ... wow i do love him so much ... i can't be thankful enough that he came into my life ... :)

well i set up a great menu for the week ... since david has to work so much i am going to fix dinner each night ... no more pizza and fast food shit ... and there will be enough to pack left overs for his lunch ...


Wednesday, December 12, 2001 will be our 1 year anniversary ... i can't believe we have been together a whole year ... time has just flown by ... it really has been a great year ... we have had amazing hardships ... things most couples don't deal with for years and years and we tackled them all head on and grew stronger from the experiences ... wow i do love him so much ... i can't be thankful enough that he came into my life ... :)

Stuff To Do

tomorrow is david's last day off for a week and we have a ton of stuff to do ... today we didn't do any of it because 1. i like to avoid doing stuff on the weekend when i have time to get stuff done during the week ... everything is a little less crowded especially during the holiday season ... and 2. i only got 3 hours of sleep last night ... i just couldn't sleep anymore ... so i wound up taking a nap durning the afternoon ...


well i am working on a grocery list so i can't really think about writing here ... maybe when i am finished ...

tomorrow is david's last day off for a week and we have a ton of stuff to do ... today we didn't do any of it because 1. i like to avoid doing stuff on the weekend when i have time to get stuff done during the week ... everything is a little less crowded especially during the holiday season ... and 2. i only got 3 hours of sleep last night ... i just couldn't sleep anymore ... so i wound up taking a nap durning the afternoon ...


well i am working on a grocery list so i can't really think about writing here ... maybe when i am finished ...

Gift Troubles

ok so it has been quite a while since i have written ... david and i had a pretty good time in DC ... we went to the Air and Space museum and the National Building museum which had an awesome photo show of the WTC ...


we got the new car which is amazing ... and hung out with my parents ... it was a fun week ...


since we have been home we have done pretty much all of our holiday shopping ... it is amazing we are both out of jobs but did all our shopping online instead of braving the mall ... hahahaaa ...


well i guess technically david isn't out of a job anymore ... he is at starbucks which is my dream job for him right now ... hahahahaaa ... not his ... but he isn't hating it which is good ... we get free coffee now ... he is working so he is a much happier person ... and it looks like it will lead to some groovy computer opportunities ... which i know would make him happy ... i think he will also be able to start going to school now ... so things look groovy in that area ...


i finished our holiday card today ... it says "peace" in 7 different launguages around the outside edge [it is a postcard] and then says "you may say i'm a dreamer ... but i'm not the only one ... i hope someday you'll join us ... and the world will live as one - John Lennon ... so now tomorrow i am going to go to kinko's and get it printed up ... i think i am going to use one of those 'spot color' machines so instead of photocopying in black the ink is red ... i did a card with that machine like 5 years ago and it came out so groovy ...


i am having such a hard time coming up with a christmas gift for david ... and it just makes me feel so badly ... last year we hardly knew each other and david got me an amazing bubble lamp ... i was blown away with what a great present it was ... and i got him a stupid palm pen that could be used as a pen or for the palm pilot and he never used it ... so after new years i tried to make up for the lame gift and got him a palm keyboard ... he used that for a few minutes and it has been sitting on the shelf ever since ... in may when his birthday came around he was recently out of a job and we just didn't have much money at all so he wound up getting nothing ... well we went to the city to stay in a hotel [my brother gave us a voucher for a hotel] and we went out to dinner ... but it is just driving me crazy that i can't come up with something that he will love ...


next week is our one year anniversary and i feel like i should just know what to get him ... and my mind is a blank ... i mean i think i did great job of finding awesome gifts for everyone this year except for the man i love ... it is breaking my heart ... all i want to do is find something that will wow him like he wowed me last year ... i want to find something he will love so much ... that makes him feel good ... that lets him know how much i love and appreciate him and to show him how very special he is to me ... :)

ok so it has been quite a while since i have written ... david and i had a pretty good time in DC ... we went to the Air and Space museum and the National Building museum which had an awesome photo show of the WTC ...


we got the new car which is amazing ... and hung out with my parents ... it was a fun week ...


since we have been home we have done pretty much all of our holiday shopping ... it is amazing we are both out of jobs but did all our shopping online instead of braving the mall ... hahahaaa ...


well i guess technically david isn't out of a job anymore ... he is at starbucks which is my dream job for him right now ... hahahahaaa ... not his ... but he isn't hating it which is good ... we get free coffee now ... he is working so he is a much happier person ... and it looks like it will lead to some groovy computer opportunities ... which i know would make him happy ... i think he will also be able to start going to school now ... so things look groovy in that area ...


i finished our holiday card today ... it says "peace" in 7 different launguages around the outside edge [it is a postcard] and then says "you may say i'm a dreamer ... but i'm not the only one ... i hope someday you'll join us ... and the world will live as one - John Lennon ... so now tomorrow i am going to go to kinko's and get it printed up ... i think i am going to use one of those 'spot color' machines so instead of photocopying in black the ink is red ... i did a card with that machine like 5 years ago and it came out so groovy ...


i am having such a hard time coming up with a christmas gift for david ... and it just makes me feel so badly ... last year we hardly knew each other and david got me an amazing bubble lamp ... i was blown away with what a great present it was ... and i got him a stupid palm pen that could be used as a pen or for the palm pilot and he never used it ... so after new years i tried to make up for the lame gift and got him a palm keyboard ... he used that for a few minutes and it has been sitting on the shelf ever since ... in may when his birthday came around he was recently out of a job and we just didn't have much money at all so he wound up getting nothing ... well we went to the city to stay in a hotel [my brother gave us a voucher for a hotel] and we went out to dinner ... but it is just driving me crazy that i can't come up with something that he will love ...


next week is our one year anniversary and i feel like i should just know what to get him ... and my mind is a blank ... i mean i think i did great job of finding awesome gifts for everyone this year except for the man i love ... it is breaking my heart ... all i want to do is find something that will wow him like he wowed me last year ... i want to find something he will love so much ... that makes him feel good ... that lets him know how much i love and appreciate him and to show him how very special he is to me ... :)