i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...


i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...