Ordered Boxes

well i ordered the boxes for our move today ... that means everything is starting to fall into place ... now if i could just get david up i could straighten up the house and take these pictures i have been trying to take ... i could also play a little XBOX ... although i have become quite addicted to it ... maybe it is good he is still asleep ... :)

well i ordered the boxes for our move today ... that means everything is starting to fall into place ... now if i could just get david up i could straighten up the house and take these pictures i have been trying to take ... i could also play a little XBOX ... although i have become quite addicted to it ... maybe it is good he is still asleep ... :)

Owing

i was so happy with myself ... i had an appointment to do my taxes today ... woohoo ... got them done ... but i owe the government $575 ... now i wanted to owe at the end of the year instead of getting a refund because since i have such huge student loans they take any refund i would get to put towards my debt ... but shit $575 is a lot for less than $5000 in unemployment compensation ... i mean doesn't it seem rediculous that the government is supplying my income since i was laid off and i have to give some [a lot] of that back to them ... shit just keep it to begin with ... i mean come on ...


besides that i think all i really did today was play xbox and watch tv and just hang out with david ... i realize our days of seeing each other all day are going to be over soon ... today we were talking and i said ... "you know it is really amazing we have lived in this tiny apartment and spent soooooo much time together and still get along" ... he agreed ...


ok i think it is time for some sleep for me ...

i was so happy with myself ... i had an appointment to do my taxes today ... woohoo ... got them done ... but i owe the government $575 ... now i wanted to owe at the end of the year instead of getting a refund because since i have such huge student loans they take any refund i would get to put towards my debt ... but shit $575 is a lot for less than $5000 in unemployment compensation ... i mean doesn't it seem rediculous that the government is supplying my income since i was laid off and i have to give some [a lot] of that back to them ... shit just keep it to begin with ... i mean come on ...


besides that i think all i really did today was play xbox and watch tv and just hang out with david ... i realize our days of seeing each other all day are going to be over soon ... today we were talking and i said ... "you know it is really amazing we have lived in this tiny apartment and spent soooooo much time together and still get along" ... he agreed ...


ok i think it is time for some sleep for me ...

Motions

i have been kicking some serious ass on the SSX Tricky game on our xbox ... it is awesome ...


you know the day seemed so long but i can't really think of what i did ... which is kind of weird ... i guess it is like i am going through the motions ... like when you drive home from work ... a drive you do all the time ... and when you get home you realize you have no recolection of the actual drive ... just like being on auto pilot ... that is how my day seems ...


i did clean up the house which is good ... but i didn't take pictures like i had planned ... maybe i can get that done tomorrow before i go have my taxes done ... i want to remember what this place looks like ... i told david tonight that we need to save pictures of this place so that one day when our kid wants more money cause they live in some shitty house i can show them pictures of this place and say ... "sorry kid no sympathy" ... :)

i have been kicking some serious ass on the SSX Tricky game on our xbox ... it is awesome ...


you know the day seemed so long but i can't really think of what i did ... which is kind of weird ... i guess it is like i am going through the motions ... like when you drive home from work ... a drive you do all the time ... and when you get home you realize you have no recolection of the actual drive ... just like being on auto pilot ... that is how my day seems ...


i did clean up the house which is good ... but i didn't take pictures like i had planned ... maybe i can get that done tomorrow before i go have my taxes done ... i want to remember what this place looks like ... i told david tonight that we need to save pictures of this place so that one day when our kid wants more money cause they live in some shitty house i can show them pictures of this place and say ... "sorry kid no sympathy" ... :)

Waiting To Move

i think david and i have both gotten to the anxious point of moving ... i realized tonight why i move within 2 weeks of my decision ... it is just dead time waiting to move ... it is too early to start packing up all our stuff and we are just waiting to start our new life in DC ... we are probably moving 3 weeks from today ... i am going to have the movers come on Saturday the 23rd of February and get all our stuff ... then we can clean the house saturday night ... drive to DC on sunday and move in our stuff from the car and then the movers will get to DC on monday ... since they don't work on sunday we can get in there and rearrange some stuff and get a bit settled and ready for everything on monday ...

i think david and i have both gotten to the anxious point of moving ... i realized tonight why i move within 2 weeks of my decision ... it is just dead time waiting to move ... it is too early to start packing up all our stuff and we are just waiting to start our new life in DC ... we are probably moving 3 weeks from today ... i am going to have the movers come on Saturday the 23rd of February and get all our stuff ... then we can clean the house saturday night ... drive to DC on sunday and move in our stuff from the car and then the movers will get to DC on monday ... since they don't work on sunday we can get in there and rearrange some stuff and get a bit settled and ready for everything on monday ...

Out Alone

after davey woke up he wasn't in a good mood ... we didn't talk much and when I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner or the bookstore he had no interest ... so I was going to do both myself ...


I went to Borders and found a bunch of new magazines and I got the book The Smoking Gun ... I read a whole bunch of it tonight and it is really good ... so I got the books and when I was leaving the store I called David and asked if he would like for me to bring dinner home ... which he did ... so I stopped at the hallmark store and got 2 more of the candles we totally love and then got Italian for dinner ... stopped off and got some coffee and headed home ...

after davey woke up he wasn't in a good mood ... we didn't talk much and when I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner or the bookstore he had no interest ... so I was going to do both myself ...


I went to Borders and found a bunch of new magazines and I got the book The Smoking Gun ... I read a whole bunch of it tonight and it is really good ... so I got the books and when I was leaving the store I called David and asked if he would like for me to bring dinner home ... which he did ... so I stopped at the hallmark store and got 2 more of the candles we totally love and then got Italian for dinner ... stopped off and got some coffee and headed home ...

Working Outside

today was kind of a wasted day ... I mean it was good and bad ... it was so beautiful out ... like 60 degrees or at least it was sunny enough to feel like that ... but I woke up mad at David so it kinda sucked from the start ... we had stuff to do today and he wound up staying up all night setting his xbox up on the internet that he went to sleep as I was getting up ... it was 11 AM and I yelled "now you are going to sleep till 6 and not want to do anything" ... I left the house and got coffee and a pack of smokes ...


the smokes were ok ... David was in a foul mood last night and got a pack and I had a couple ... when I woke up he had smoked all but one ... so that is why I went ahead a got a pack today ... so I came home and thought since it was so nice outside I should work on a project outside while I had the chance ...


about a year ago I got one of those big black metal wall units from an office ... I guess it is something where you could keep forms for easy access or have brochures displayed for people ... whatever it is I have it up against the wall as a magazine rack ... and it is really the best magazine rack I have ever had ... but it has always looked kinda dingy and really like I got it from an office ... so today I took it outside and spray painted it silver ... and it is so kickass now ... I mean it just looks so fucking cool ... like I bought it in some trendy boutique where it would be incredibly overpriced ... instead I grabbed it from my old work before they chucked it into the dumpster ... I just keep staring at it cause I am so happy with how it came out ...

today was kind of a wasted day ... I mean it was good and bad ... it was so beautiful out ... like 60 degrees or at least it was sunny enough to feel like that ... but I woke up mad at David so it kinda sucked from the start ... we had stuff to do today and he wound up staying up all night setting his xbox up on the internet that he went to sleep as I was getting up ... it was 11 AM and I yelled "now you are going to sleep till 6 and not want to do anything" ... I left the house and got coffee and a pack of smokes ...


the smokes were ok ... David was in a foul mood last night and got a pack and I had a couple ... when I woke up he had smoked all but one ... so that is why I went ahead a got a pack today ... so I came home and thought since it was so nice outside I should work on a project outside while I had the chance ...


about a year ago I got one of those big black metal wall units from an office ... I guess it is something where you could keep forms for easy access or have brochures displayed for people ... whatever it is I have it up against the wall as a magazine rack ... and it is really the best magazine rack I have ever had ... but it has always looked kinda dingy and really like I got it from an office ... so today I took it outside and spray painted it silver ... and it is so kickass now ... I mean it just looks so fucking cool ... like I bought it in some trendy boutique where it would be incredibly overpriced ... instead I grabbed it from my old work before they chucked it into the dumpster ... I just keep staring at it cause I am so happy with how it came out ...

Foo Shirts

well my t-shirt designs are up on FooFighters.com site ... kinda cool ... but there are so many submissions i don't know that mine actually stand out ...

well my t-shirt designs are up on FooFighters.com site ... kinda cool ... but there are so many submissions i don't know that mine actually stand out ...

The Daily Show

Last night david and i went to see a filming of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart ... it was so awesome that today we called and got tickets to go once more before we move ... it was so cool ... the guest was Anthony Lapaglia ... and when we watched the show last night you could TOTALLY hear me laughing ... i have a very distinguishable laugh and i was cracking up last night ...


after the show we went out to dinner and then took the train back to the island ... it was a really fun afternoon and we almost didn't go ... both of us have been so sick ... sunday i spent the day sleeping and throwing up ... and monday was a recooping day ... i went to the store and bought sick food ... pudding and soup and crackers and sprite ... so tuesday we were both a little worried to go but neither one of us wanted to say anything and i am glad we didn't stay home ... we both had such a good time ...


this morning we had to get up so early for us ... i had a mover coming by to give me an estimate at 9 AM ... and i had a bit of cleaning to do before he got here ... since i don't set my alarm clock often lately i have a hard time sleeping when i have to ... i worry that i will keep hitting snooze and oversleep ... so by noon i was exhausted and napped ... which means i can't fall asleep now ...


i also finished the huge part of the website i have been working on ... it has been like a month of typing and scanning and setting up links ... i am SOOOOOOOO happy to be finished ... now i just can't wait to get paid for it ... woohoo ...


i need to start working out ... and badly ... i have been getting pretty depressed about my weight and it hasn't helped quitting smoking ... i mean yes it is good for me ... but i have put on weight since i quit and it is REALLY REALLY REALLY bothering me ... once we move it will be good cause i can use the treadmill everyday ... twice a day if i want ... but it is right now i am worried about ... life is hard enough down here ... being depressed about my weight on top of that is no good ... the last couple of days i have really really been good about what i have eaten ... i got some sorbet for the sweet urges i get ... and i have been having soup or tuna for dinner ... and i haven't been snacking as much ... maybe i am getting over the smoking replacement of eating ... so at least i am headed in the right direction ... it is just the working out part i want to start ...


well i think i am going to try and fall asleep now ... we'll see how well it works ...

Last night david and i went to see a filming of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart ... it was so awesome that today we called and got tickets to go once more before we move ... it was so cool ... the guest was Anthony Lapaglia ... and when we watched the show last night you could TOTALLY hear me laughing ... i have a very distinguishable laugh and i was cracking up last night ...


after the show we went out to dinner and then took the train back to the island ... it was a really fun afternoon and we almost didn't go ... both of us have been so sick ... sunday i spent the day sleeping and throwing up ... and monday was a recooping day ... i went to the store and bought sick food ... pudding and soup and crackers and sprite ... so tuesday we were both a little worried to go but neither one of us wanted to say anything and i am glad we didn't stay home ... we both had such a good time ...


this morning we had to get up so early for us ... i had a mover coming by to give me an estimate at 9 AM ... and i had a bit of cleaning to do before he got here ... since i don't set my alarm clock often lately i have a hard time sleeping when i have to ... i worry that i will keep hitting snooze and oversleep ... so by noon i was exhausted and napped ... which means i can't fall asleep now ...


i also finished the huge part of the website i have been working on ... it has been like a month of typing and scanning and setting up links ... i am SOOOOOOOO happy to be finished ... now i just can't wait to get paid for it ... woohoo ...


i need to start working out ... and badly ... i have been getting pretty depressed about my weight and it hasn't helped quitting smoking ... i mean yes it is good for me ... but i have put on weight since i quit and it is REALLY REALLY REALLY bothering me ... once we move it will be good cause i can use the treadmill everyday ... twice a day if i want ... but it is right now i am worried about ... life is hard enough down here ... being depressed about my weight on top of that is no good ... the last couple of days i have really really been good about what i have eaten ... i got some sorbet for the sweet urges i get ... and i have been having soup or tuna for dinner ... and i haven't been snacking as much ... maybe i am getting over the smoking replacement of eating ... so at least i am headed in the right direction ... it is just the working out part i want to start ...


well i think i am going to try and fall asleep now ... we'll see how well it works ...

Anniversary

well it is officially January 19, 2002 which means on this day 35 years ago my parents got married ... i just think it is so awesome they have been married for 35 years ... it isn't something that happens so often anymore ...


today also means david and i have been non smokers for 19 days and saved $380 ... amazing ... technically since we are so broke we haven't saved $380 cause we don't have much money ... i just wonder where we would have gotten the $20 bucks a day we were spending on smokes ...


my mom is getting so excited that david and i are moving out there ... she is practically giddy ... i think david and i are getting excited too ... i laid in bed last night thinking about how we would arrange the apartment at my parents house ... david doesn't want to unpack everything just to pack it all up again ... but i am better at totally moving in and making the place comfortable ... besides that place is big and there is lots of room for all our stuff ... and i know neither of us wants to live there too long ... but i think it would be good if we could make it 6 months there ... have a good amount of money saved up before we buy our own place ... :)


well it is 3:17 in the morning so i should finally head to bed ...

well it is officially January 19, 2002 which means on this day 35 years ago my parents got married ... i just think it is so awesome they have been married for 35 years ... it isn't something that happens so often anymore ...


today also means david and i have been non smokers for 19 days and saved $380 ... amazing ... technically since we are so broke we haven't saved $380 cause we don't have much money ... i just wonder where we would have gotten the $20 bucks a day we were spending on smokes ...


my mom is getting so excited that david and i are moving out there ... she is practically giddy ... i think david and i are getting excited too ... i laid in bed last night thinking about how we would arrange the apartment at my parents house ... david doesn't want to unpack everything just to pack it all up again ... but i am better at totally moving in and making the place comfortable ... besides that place is big and there is lots of room for all our stuff ... and i know neither of us wants to live there too long ... but i think it would be good if we could make it 6 months there ... have a good amount of money saved up before we buy our own place ... :)


well it is 3:17 in the morning so i should finally head to bed ...

Crazy Guy

david and i went out and ran some errands today ... while we were at the drive-thru at Starbucks the first time today ... there were 2 cars in front of us ... the one at the window was taking an awfully long time ... so long in fact that the slick guy in the decked out Lexus in front of us got out of his car ... yelling and pacing around ... saying things like 'i want to kill them but that is a crime' ... he started stretching his legs like he had just driven across country and this was the first time he had gotten out of his car ... i think for a little bit there david and i were more than a bit freaked out ... and he looked like he had seen his fair share of fights


we both should be asleep by now ... we have to be up kinda early tomorrow cause someone is coming over to give us a quote on moving ... and they are going to be here between 10-12 and i want to be up by 9 ... straighten up a bit ...


so i am off to bed ... :)

david and i went out and ran some errands today ... while we were at the drive-thru at Starbucks the first time today ... there were 2 cars in front of us ... the one at the window was taking an awfully long time ... so long in fact that the slick guy in the decked out Lexus in front of us got out of his car ... yelling and pacing around ... saying things like 'i want to kill them but that is a crime' ... he started stretching his legs like he had just driven across country and this was the first time he had gotten out of his car ... i think for a little bit there david and i were more than a bit freaked out ... and he looked like he had seen his fair share of fights


we both should be asleep by now ... we have to be up kinda early tomorrow cause someone is coming over to give us a quote on moving ... and they are going to be here between 10-12 and i want to be up by 9 ... straighten up a bit ...


so i am off to bed ... :)

Degree

I've come to admit to myself that i need a college degree ... it is that simple ... but i am far beyond the age of going to college ... i need a job and to work full time and school needs to be just a part of my life ... so i am looking into attending college online ... i think it might be the perfect solution for me ... i mean there is no pressure of being in class ... i can "take my class" any time i want


ok i am going to check out the website a bit and head to bed

I've come to admit to myself that i need a college degree ... it is that simple ... but i am far beyond the age of going to college ... i need a job and to work full time and school needs to be just a part of my life ... so i am looking into attending college online ... i think it might be the perfect solution for me ... i mean there is no pressure of being in class ... i can "take my class" any time i want


ok i am going to check out the website a bit and head to bed

My Tongue

i have totally killed my tongue ... there are gashes at the bottom of my tongue in the shape of the Sea King's pitch fork ... and i am just dying ... it is the damn sunflower seeds ... they really have become my replacement for cigs ... and it is a dangerous situation ... today i wasn't going to have any ... and i resisted all day till like 10 tonight ... and then i went crazy ... my lips are all chapped and my tongue is all slashed ... what a moron ... but i guess both of those are better than how my lungs were doing smoking ...


i can't believe david and i have made it two weeks ... it is just unbelievable ... i am so proud of us ... i really thought i would never quit smoking ... i had never even thought about it ... i figured when i decided to have a child i would have to force myself to quit then ... i am just so glad we have done this ... it really is a good thing ...


well i am actually exhausted ... and i am sure the sheets are finished in the dryer ... so i am off to bed ... :)

i have totally killed my tongue ... there are gashes at the bottom of my tongue in the shape of the Sea King's pitch fork ... and i am just dying ... it is the damn sunflower seeds ... they really have become my replacement for cigs ... and it is a dangerous situation ... today i wasn't going to have any ... and i resisted all day till like 10 tonight ... and then i went crazy ... my lips are all chapped and my tongue is all slashed ... what a moron ... but i guess both of those are better than how my lungs were doing smoking ...


i can't believe david and i have made it two weeks ... it is just unbelievable ... i am so proud of us ... i really thought i would never quit smoking ... i had never even thought about it ... i figured when i decided to have a child i would have to force myself to quit then ... i am just so glad we have done this ... it really is a good thing ...


well i am actually exhausted ... and i am sure the sheets are finished in the dryer ... so i am off to bed ... :)

35th

damn i need to remember to get my parents at least an anniversary card ... if not a gift ... the 19th is their 35th wedding anniversary ... that is a biggie ... and needs to be acknowledged ... i wonder what the gift is for 35 years ... i gotta check that out too ...

damn i need to remember to get my parents at least an anniversary card ... if not a gift ... the 19th is their 35th wedding anniversary ... that is a biggie ... and needs to be acknowledged ... i wonder what the gift is for 35 years ... i gotta check that out too ...

Tricky

oh my goodness my thumbs are sore ... we rented SSX Tricky ... an XBOX snowboarding game ... and i have been playing it on and off all day ... david on the other hand has played it for about 12 hours straight ... and is still going strong ... i feel like it is the 80's again and my brother and i just got our Intellivision ... wow my thumbs are bright red and feel like they are blistering ... what a dork ... but i have to say the game system sure has changed david's mood ... he isn't so down in the dumbs lately and it hasn't seemed to bother him that we aren't smoking anymore ... it has been the greatest addition to our house ... i am so happy we got it ...


besides that we didn't do much of anything today except play and get coffee ... i didn't even do any work today ... but it sure has been nice taking a break ... tomorrow i will have to do a bunch of work ... hopfully i'll get up a bit early so i can get started ...


well i should be off to bed ... its late already ...

oh my goodness my thumbs are sore ... we rented SSX Tricky ... an XBOX snowboarding game ... and i have been playing it on and off all day ... david on the other hand has played it for about 12 hours straight ... and is still going strong ... i feel like it is the 80's again and my brother and i just got our Intellivision ... wow my thumbs are bright red and feel like they are blistering ... what a dork ... but i have to say the game system sure has changed david's mood ... he isn't so down in the dumbs lately and it hasn't seemed to bother him that we aren't smoking anymore ... it has been the greatest addition to our house ... i am so happy we got it ...


besides that we didn't do much of anything today except play and get coffee ... i didn't even do any work today ... but it sure has been nice taking a break ... tomorrow i will have to do a bunch of work ... hopfully i'll get up a bit early so i can get started ...


well i should be off to bed ... its late already ...

XBOX

david and i had a banner fucking day today ... we got our chirstmas present from kris today which included 2 $50 gift certificates to Circuit City ... i deceided i was going to get the cordless phone that i could use my headset with that had caller ID ... david insisted we didn't need a new phone that we had enough ringing in the house ... what we needed was a game system ... WE NEED AN XBOX



so i said ... well lets get all your change together [he has been saving it on his own for a year or two and we have both been throwing change in the barrel for the last year but it is really his savings] ... anyway i said let's go get your change togther and take it to the store and put it in the CoinStar machine and see what we get for it ... we had deceided we were going to do that before we moved anyway cause there was so much and it just weighs too much to move to DC ... so we loaded it in two of our canvas grocery bags and headed to the store ... after about spending 30 minutes loading it into the machine it spit out a receipt for:


6418 pennies

836 nickles

1165 dimes

32 quarters


for a grand total of $209.97


our changes came out to over $200 ... so with our $100's in gift certificates we had a total of $309.97 ... the game is $300 bucks so we got it for free ... with $80 of our own dollars we got a second controller and the game Halo ... which i seem to be enjoying more than i thought i would ... tomorrow we are going to Blockbuster to check out the games we could rent ... there is a Simpson's Road Rage game that i want to try ... and i saw a bunch of games on eBay for pretty cheap ... like $20 off ...


David has been in there having a blast ...

david and i had a banner fucking day today ... we got our chirstmas present from kris today which included 2 $50 gift certificates to Circuit City ... i deceided i was going to get the cordless phone that i could use my headset with that had caller ID ... david insisted we didn't need a new phone that we had enough ringing in the house ... what we needed was a game system ... WE NEED AN XBOX



so i said ... well lets get all your change together [he has been saving it on his own for a year or two and we have both been throwing change in the barrel for the last year but it is really his savings] ... anyway i said let's go get your change togther and take it to the store and put it in the CoinStar machine and see what we get for it ... we had deceided we were going to do that before we moved anyway cause there was so much and it just weighs too much to move to DC ... so we loaded it in two of our canvas grocery bags and headed to the store ... after about spending 30 minutes loading it into the machine it spit out a receipt for:


6418 pennies

836 nickles

1165 dimes

32 quarters


for a grand total of $209.97


our changes came out to over $200 ... so with our $100's in gift certificates we had a total of $309.97 ... the game is $300 bucks so we got it for free ... with $80 of our own dollars we got a second controller and the game Halo ... which i seem to be enjoying more than i thought i would ... tomorrow we are going to Blockbuster to check out the games we could rent ... there is a Simpson's Road Rage game that i want to try ... and i saw a bunch of games on eBay for pretty cheap ... like $20 off ...


David has been in there having a blast ...

Money Saved

well i added a new little thing to my blogger page ... a running total of how much money david and i have saved since we quit smoking ... we were spending at least $20 bucks a day on cigs ... so as of the 11th we will have saved $220 ... which is pretty great for two unemployeed people ... :) ... we need the money that is for sure ... and i am noticing the change in our bank account ... it seems to be fattening up a bit ... and since we both really want to take a trip to europe that is a really good thing ...


i started talking to movers today ... i sure do hate the moving process ... i guess i held this one off for a pretty long time for me ... i mean i have lived here since may of 2000 ... almost 2 years in the same house ... amazing ... i can't remember the last time that happened ... except during childhood ...


well my head is killing me ... and i am sick of working tonight ... so i think that is a good indication it is time to go to bed ...


nite

well i added a new little thing to my blogger page ... a running total of how much money david and i have saved since we quit smoking ... we were spending at least $20 bucks a day on cigs ... so as of the 11th we will have saved $220 ... which is pretty great for two unemployeed people ... :) ... we need the money that is for sure ... and i am noticing the change in our bank account ... it seems to be fattening up a bit ... and since we both really want to take a trip to europe that is a really good thing ...


i started talking to movers today ... i sure do hate the moving process ... i guess i held this one off for a pretty long time for me ... i mean i have lived here since may of 2000 ... almost 2 years in the same house ... amazing ... i can't remember the last time that happened ... except during childhood ...


well my head is killing me ... and i am sick of working tonight ... so i think that is a good indication it is time to go to bed ...


nite

this was written last night but blogger was down for maintenance:


I am sitting here watching Cheers getting ready to go to bed ... and a commercial came on about St. Judes Children's Hospital ... for children with Leukemia and just started bawling like a baby ... when i was in second grade ... i was either 7 or 8 years old i had a friend named Tammy Bicklemeyer ... she had Leukemia and was in and out of the hospital a lot in second grade ... whenever she was home and wasn't feeling too sick we would play ... she always came to my house because her house was usually too sad for her ... she went through lots of sugeries that year ... and a lot of kids had trouble playing with her at times but it never bothered me ... i loved her ... i would make big huge cards and get everyone in our class to sign it when she would go to the hospital ... i would have my mom or my girl scout leader take photos and cards to her in the hospital cause i was too young to go ... i had my girl scout troupe make projects that we could send to the hospital ... all that year we tried to have a sleep over ... but her parents would never let her ... she was just too sick ...


she died in the middle of the school year ... i was devistated ... i think i was out of school for almost a week ... i hadn't known anyone who had died and for it to be someone my own age who i loved so dearly just ripped me apart ... i had terrible dreams and couldn't stop crying ... i didn't go to the funeral ... my parents thought it would be too painful and they are probably right ... a couple of days after i rode my bike by her house and all of her stuffed animals were out on the curb ... her parents were getting rid of everything of hers ... i grabbed a little teddy bear that i knew she loved and made a heart out of styrofoam and cut out hearts from napkins and glued them on with glitter and my mom took my friend Ashley and i over to her grave where i left the heart and the bear ...


to this day ... 24 years later ... i cry every time i see the comercial for Leukemia ... it is like i never got over it ...


i know her family didn't ... a couple of weeks after her death ... her little brother found their dad in the garage ... he had hung himself ... everyone was just too devistated by all that happened ...


i think i need to go to bed before i spend the evening crying ...


written at 1:13 am

Bawling

this was written last night but blogger was down for maintenance:


I am sitting here watching Cheers getting ready to go to bed ... and a commercial came on about St. Judes Children's Hospital ... for children with Leukemia and just started bawling like a baby ... when i was in second grade ... i was either 7 or 8 years old i had a friend named Tammy Bicklemeyer ... she had Leukemia and was in and out of the hospital a lot in second grade ... whenever she was home and wasn't feeling too sick we would play ... she always came to my house because her house was usually too sad for her ... she went through lots of sugeries that year ... and a lot of kids had trouble playing with her at times but it never bothered me ... i loved her ... i would make big huge cards and get everyone in our class to sign it when she would go to the hospital ... i would have my mom or my girl scout leader take photos and cards to her in the hospital cause i was too young to go ... i had my girl scout troupe make projects that we could send to the hospital ... all that year we tried to have a sleep over ... but her parents would never let her ... she was just too sick ...


she died in the middle of the school year ... i was devistated ... i think i was out of school for almost a week ... i hadn't known anyone who had died and for it to be someone my own age who i loved so dearly just ripped me apart ... i had terrible dreams and couldn't stop crying ... i didn't go to the funeral ... my parents thought it would be too painful and they are probably right ... a couple of days after i rode my bike by her house and all of her stuffed animals were out on the curb ... her parents were getting rid of everything of hers ... i grabbed a little teddy bear that i knew she loved and made a heart out of styrofoam and cut out hearts from napkins and glued them on with glitter and my mom took my friend Ashley and i over to her grave where i left the heart and the bear ...


to this day ... 24 years later ... i cry every time i see the comercial for Leukemia ... it is like i never got over it ...


i know her family didn't ... a couple of weeks after her death ... her little brother found their dad in the garage ... he had hung himself ... everyone was just too devistated by all that happened ...


i think i need to go to bed before i spend the evening crying ...


written at 1:13 am

Cig

i am happy david and i have given up smoking ... but today it is totally bugging me ... i want a cig so fucking badly right now ...

i am happy david and i have given up smoking ... but today it is totally bugging me ... i want a cig so fucking badly right now ...

New Design

well i updated the site and i don't think i like it ... it isn't what i had in mind at all ... and it just feels like too much work to do it again ... so i guess i will leave it for a bit and see how i like it in a couple of days ...

well i updated the site and i don't think i like it ... it isn't what i had in mind at all ... and it just feels like too much work to do it again ... so i guess i will leave it for a bit and see how i like it in a couple of days ...

New Year

i know i have to update the site to reflect 2002 ... but i am actually tired at 10 PM so i am going to work on it tomorrow ...


i just wanted to write that 2002 is already better than 2001 ... david and i went the whole day without smoking ... and he found my lost keys in a pocket of one of his jackets which made me SOOOOO happy ... i have never [knock on wood] lost my keys before ... i've had my alice in wonderland key chain that i got in england for over 12 years ... so i was just giddy to see him pull them out of his pocket tonight ...


we used one of our christmas gift certificates and got take out from The Outback tonight which was so delicious ... and i have left overs for tomorrow ...


well since i only got 4 hours of sleep yesterday ... going to bed at 7AM and waking up sneezing like a crazy person at 11AM just isn't enough sleep ... besides i am missing smoking so much right now that it would be good to go to bed ... besides david has been asleep for hours and has an interview tomorrow ...

i know i have to update the site to reflect 2002 ... but i am actually tired at 10 PM so i am going to work on it tomorrow ...


i just wanted to write that 2002 is already better than 2001 ... david and i went the whole day without smoking ... and he found my lost keys in a pocket of one of his jackets which made me SOOOOO happy ... i have never [knock on wood] lost my keys before ... i've had my alice in wonderland key chain that i got in england for over 12 years ... so i was just giddy to see him pull them out of his pocket tonight ...


we used one of our christmas gift certificates and got take out from The Outback tonight which was so delicious ... and i have left overs for tomorrow ...


well since i only got 4 hours of sleep yesterday ... going to bed at 7AM and waking up sneezing like a crazy person at 11AM just isn't enough sleep ... besides i am missing smoking so much right now that it would be good to go to bed ... besides david has been asleep for hours and has an interview tomorrow ...