Today is my dad's birthday ...

 November 22, 1999

Today is my dad's birthday ... 

I woke up this morning to the sound of dean messaging me over and over and over again ... it pissed me off so I grabbed the phone to call him and ask why he didn't just call me ... only to hear nothing ... so I went in the other room and picked up the phone to find nothing ... I got on the computer and asked dean if he had called me and he said ... "yes but it is disconnected" ... I was pissed ... not what I needed

so he came and picked me up for coffee ... and we met Kelly ... Jason G.'s girlfriend ... had a great time ... then dean took me to cash my paycheck {finally} ... and we went to Sprint to pay my phone bill ... after that we went to The Bagel Cafe to meet Kara and Greg ... which was totally fun ... I adore both of them ... even if I know Kara better than Greg and I don't even know her that well ... well it turns out they had read my journal and saw how badly I wanted to go to Limp Bizkit and Greg has extra tickets and said I could buy some from him ... YEA YEA YEA YEA ... so that means I get to go tomorrow night ... I almost peed in my pants ... I was supposed to talk to him tonight but didn't get the chance ... so I hope everything works out ... 

well after lunch dean dropped me off ... and I worked for a while ... not too much today ... wooohooo ... when Kris got off work she picked me up and we went shopping for a bit ... I got some great new pj pants ... 2 pairs ... and two new shirts ... a new hat and a groovy night light ... total score ... well Kris had gotten a message from Jessica that she was all bummed out and at Boomerangs ... so we headed there ... 

and wound up having a blast ... got a little buzzed ... won a cool broncos baseball cap ... and had fun with my friends ... and we came up with an amazing idea ... ya know I don't wanna do anything for New Years ... but they want me there ... so we decided if I was going to be there we should bring my computer over to Jessica's house that day ... WITH THE CAM ... and broadcast the New Year's Eve party ... I think I will even try and up the cam speed that night ... which I think is just going to be so cool ... and we will have all these candid pictures from the evening ... I am so excited ... I just gotta find internet access by then ... god it is going to rock ... so now Kris and Jessica are happy cause I will be there ... and I am happy cause the cam is going to capture it all ... it is really going to be great ... so now I guess I am going out on new years ... 

so while at Boomerangs I met this guy Que ... he was cool ... we talked a bit and I gave him my web address and phone number ... well when I walked in the door my phone was ringing ... it was him and asked if I wanted to hang out and mess around ... of course I said yes ... so he came over ... and as he was checking out my site we started making out ... I was all excited cause I have been aching to have sex and he was pretty cute ... took us only moments to go to the bedroom ... and I'll say he fit in me perfectly ... but I wasn't kidding when I said guys say they wanna have sex all night ... and 20 minutes later it is all over ... I had a great time but I liked having sex with him and would have loved a lot more ... one bummer ... when we first started having sex he said ... "I love full figured women" god I fucking hate that ... I went shopping tonight ... everything I tried on fit great and I bought shirts that were a large ... that isn't full figured ... I wasn't in the plus size ... but oh well I put it out of my head cause I was having fun ... he lives in Cali ... and travels out here a bunch ... so who knows ... could be the perfect bed buddy ... or could have been a great one night stand ... 

there is one thing I kinda need to go off on ... I love giving head ... and do it more than willingly ... it is great fun for me ... but why don't guys return the act ... I've wondered if I am gross but I look at beaver shots all day for work ... and in comparison mine is awesome ... all shaved ... {god ok I am now thinking of deans friends reading this and am dying but it is on my mind} ... and it is truly beautiful ... so I don't get it ... man that is the best way for me to cum ... and I can't tell you how infrequently it happens ... it is just a pisser ... I am sick of hearing guys complain that girls doing give head ... and then the same guys don't do it ... big whatever on that one ... {all I can picture is Kara reading this and dying ... hahahahahaa I have to forget that people read this journal ... as hard as that may be for me to do} ... hahahahaaa oh I am cracking myself up now ... on that note I should get some sleep cause I gotta clean my house ... do tons of work ... pack and go to Limp Bizkit tomorrow ... ahhhhh I love the roller coaster of my life!!

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong

 

November 17, 1999

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong ... and yesterday I was TOTALLY wrong ...  I got a really nice letter from Todd tonight ... explaining how busy his life and work schedule have been ... and that he hasn't even talked to his mom in a month ... and that he would still like to hang out sometime ...  as I was reading the email I got an instant message from him and we chatted for a bit ... and he wasn't upset that I had gone off in my journal ... and I wasn't upset that I hadn't heard from him ... so after all that it left me with a good feeling ... as he was signing off he said ... "we'll talk soon" ... which I love ... that is completely no pressure or expectation ... ya gotta love that ...  so today Dean, Kara, Chris, John and I went to AdultDex ... which was pretty cool ... kinda cheesy but found some great stuff for work ... had some fun ... as Dean, Kara and I were leaving this guy came up to dean and said ... "you must be the luckiest guy in the world to be here with these 2 beautiful women ... how do you do it?" and I looked at Kara and said ... "he pays us!!" we all started laughing ... cause I do work for dean ... so he does pay me ... and then the guy looked at me and said ... "ya know what on a scale of 1 to 10 you are definitely an 11!!" ... of course I got a huge smile on my face even if he was some drunk Vegas gambler ... then he looks at Kara and said ... "not that I don't find you attractive but I go for the heavier set women!!" ... my smile turned to scorn ... we all giggled since I have been so depressed and as our car pulled up dean looked at the guy and said ... "ya know you should have stopped while you were ahead" ...  now before all that happened ... Kara and dean were at the valet window and I walked on over to where you get your car ... I struck up a conversation with these two guys who were waiting for their car about AdultDex and told one of them that I ran a cam site ... and gave him my card ... well when Kris and I got back from coffee there was an email from him ... asking when we were going to see each other again ... which I thought was pretty bitchen ...  man am I starting to sound like a manic depressive or what ... I am not ... I know life goes in waves ... and I can't say I am completely over being bummed about stuff ... but it is funny ... my friend Lem wrote me a letter today telling me he knows me well ... and my life goes up and down ... just like everyone else's ... and next week I will wonder why I even wrote last nights journal entry ... little did he know I would be thinking that today ...  I am still kinda stressed about missing a period ... but this site is amazing ... I got 3 letters from doctors today telling me that stress often causes people to be late or miss periods ... which I know ... its just weird ... I have been WAY more stressed at times in my life than I am now ... and never missed ... I am kinda happy I haven't been having regular sex (well not that happy but ya know what I mean) ... cause then I would have something to worry about ... but I am sure it is just cause I have been sooooo stressed and not taking much time to relax in my life ... which I am going to try and do ... I just need to figure out how ... I know that unless someone is over ... I can't relax at home cause there is always work to do ... there is one thing I want to do ... Limp Bizkit and System of a Down are playing at The Joint next week and I really want to go ... Dean said he will try and get me tickets ... now I just gotta find a date that wants to go see those 2 bands as badly as I want to ...  oh man I almost forgot ... Kris called me at like 7:30 this morning from the hospital ... she woke up and her foot was TOTALLY swollen ... and it turned out she had a stress fracture on the ball of her foot from hiking this last weekend ... so she has one of those Velcro casts to her knee ... which is lucky cause she can take it off to take a shower ... that was the worst part about having a cast on my leg ... not being able to take a shower ... she made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon and I have my fingers crossed that everything will be alright ...  I must say I have gotten some of the nicest letters about my last journal entry ... there are so many sweet and kind people out there I feel so lucky to have them as a part of my life ... the support circle this site has brought me is amazing ... I don't know what I would do without it ... I really am so lucky ...  and ya know I have been dying to write about something but I haven't asked the people concerned if they mind ... cause I know not everyone knows yet ... so I will just say this ... two of my friends that have been dating forever are getting married ... I am so excited for them ... and it is so groovy being one of the first to find out ... weddings are just exciting ... period ... it is such a joyous time ... when you are surrounded by everyone you love ... part of the reason I wanted to be a wedding planner ... all the weddings I worked on just kept me smiling all day ... so I am just so excited for them ... {smile} ... yea yea yea!!! something else special happened today ... my old roommate Sean who still lives in Kansas, was in the office a bunch today and we got to spend a while emailing each other back and forth ... it was so fun ... I hope it motivates him to get a computer for home ... cause I just love him so much ... it was funny he checked out my site and wrote me saying ... "nice boobies Liz" ... and I said ... "all that time we lived together and you just now get to see my boobies" ... and he said ... "well there was that one time when you fell asleep in the tub and I walked in" ... hahahahaaa ... ohhh I just love Sean so much ... I wish I could get him to move out here ... maybe someday ... Kris and I are trying to get him to come out for new years ... and I know he will love it and want to stay ... {smile} ...  well with all this excitement I can feel the beginning of a headache approaching ... that shinny spot in my vision that reminds me of the aftermath of a camera flash ... so I better just spell check this puppy and wrap it up for the evening ... I am sick of looking at porn today anyway ...

It has been sometime since I have written

 

November 12, 1999

It has been sometime since I have written ... but I just haven't been feeling myself at all ... Monday I guess it was I went to the hospital ... what a horrible experience ...  Dean took me to the hospital cause after talking to my mom I thought I might have a problem with my appendix ... I hadn't been able to stay off the toilet for 3 days ... I hadn't eaten much of anything ... and my stomach was just killing me ... I got to the hospital at 10:30 ish and they took me back to a bed a little after 11 ... at 12:30 someone finally came back to see me ... and I realize I was at the hospital but there was no one there ... I walked past the rooms and in all of them together there were only 3 of us ... counting me ... so I have no idea what the hell was the problem ... I was laying in the bed shaking ... rocking ... crying ... and I wouldn't put the gown on cause I had on 2 sweaters and was still really cold ... the nurse came in and took my temp ... which was still 102 ... and took my blood pressure ... at 1 the doctor came in ... he asked if I wanted something for the pain before he even asked what was wrong with me ... I told him I was not some junkie looking for drug I was honestly sick ... he said the nurse was going to put in an IV cause I was dehydrated and take some blood for some tests ... that fucking IV hurt SO bad I screamed ... and needles don't bother me ... I have had IVs and they aren't supposed to feel like this ... I was bleeding everywhere while he took the blood then he hooked up the IV bag ... it took about an hour for it to drain all the way ... and it hurt the whole time ... and when it was finished I started bleeding ... it was coming up the IV and out the needle puncture ... now I am so happy I wore a watch ... cause I sat up in bed and yelled ... loud ... for 15 minutes for someone to come and help me and no one would stop ... I felt like I was a heroin addict and no one cared ... I eventually got up and pulled the IV into the hall and yelled ... "could someone please come and help me here" ... finally my nurse came in and he cleaned everything up but wouldn't take the IV out ... he left and I lay there still in a lot of pain ... but my arm was starting to hurt more than my stomach ... and I couldn't take it ... again I yelled for 15 minutes ... when I went to get up I moved my arm wrong and started bleeding again ... I couldn't take it so I walked to the nurse station and saw my doctor sitting there with his legs on the counter playing some game ... I went up to the first nurse I saw and said could you please come and help me ... take this fucking thing out of my arm it is killing me ... he told me to go to my room and he would be in in a minute ...  well he walked into my room with a bag that had my blood samples in it ... when he took out the IV I said I am going home ... it is 4 in the morning and I have just been lying here being put through more pain than I was in at home ... he said don't you want to wait till we send your blood to the lab ... I said ... "what the fuck are you talking about ... they took my blood at like 1 AM and it is now 4 are you telling me no one has even sent it back yet ...??... this is ridiculous ... I am leaving ..." I put my shoes on and walked out only to find dean had left ... which I didn't blame him ... but he lives so far away from the hospital I didn't want to call and make him come all the way out to pick me up ... Kevin {Kris' brother} had just moved to town and wasn't working yet so I called him ... while I was waiting for him they nurse came out and tried to tell me they had sent my blood out ... they were waiting for the results ... and I said ... wow they run the tests and sent the blood back to you ... interesting I have never seen it done that way ... then he said well they were busy tonight cause they were the only hospital open ... I said ... are you telling me they close hospitals here ... he had nothing to say ... the doctor came out and told me I wasn't pregnant ... I said to him ... I told you I wasn't when I was in your room and I didn't come to the hospital cause I thought I was in labor ... he handed me a prescription for some antibiotic and I asked him what it was for ... he said just in case ... I said ... just in case what?? and he said ... just in case you are sick ... I said this is amazing ... this isn't a hospital it is an episode of candid camera ... I saw Kevin pull up and left ...   well I still haven't felt myself all week ... or stayed out of the bathroom ... I have actually lost 20 pounds in the last week and a half ... but at least I know I am not pregnant ... shit if I were it would be the next coming of Christ cause I haven't had sex ... although I wouldn't be a virgin having an immaculate conception ... so who knows what is wrong ... maybe whatever it is it will run its course ...  ok enough about the hospital ... it is pissing me off all over again ... lets see what else ... well I have been working sooooooooo much ... haven't had time for much of anything ... I had to turn in my rental car Thursday ... and my car isn't ready ... and won't be for at least a week ... so I am totally at my friends mercy if I wanna go anywhere ...  I talked to a really cool guy named Todd online last night ... he was very cool and not freaked out about my site at all ... nor did he start asking me to get naked on cam or talk about fucking me on cam ... all stuff that gets old fast ... and makes me see fast the guy just wants to be on cam ... and doesn't care who it is with ... so we talked about meeting tonight ... I called him while I was out {which was the plan} ... but he had just arrived at a going away party for a friend ... and when I talked to him before I was leaving he was still hanging out ... which I totally understand ... ya never know how a party is gonna go ... and it is nice to have alternate plans just in case ... so he is going to give me a call ... and hopefully we will make some plans to meet soon ...  Eric called me today bummed out ... he and his girlfriend split and I was so sad to hear it ... he was pretty sad too ... I was sad for him ... I just want him to be happy ... and he seemed to really like her ... but ya know ... sometimes things just happen ... maybe they just need a bit of time apart to see how much they really like each other ... or maybe it was meant to be ... but I told him I was here if he needed to talk and I sent her an email letting her know I was here for her too ... and I hope they know that I am ...  tomorrow I am supposed to go to Jessica's to watch the fight ... which should be fun ... I love seeing the women boxers ... I should find a place to take boxing ... that is a sport I know I would enjoy ... I think I could totally get into ... maybe when I actually have some money I'll look into it ...  man I have so much work ahead of me this weekend ... I know that any chance I have to get out of the house I need to take ... cause come Monday everyone is back to their work grind and I won't have anything to do but work ...  I really want to plan a train trip somewhere ... I love traveling on the train and it would be a great way to get away for a bit ... oh I heard from Clay ... he said he sent me an email letting me know he wouldn't be coming ... I wish I had gotten it ... then I wouldn't have felt so hurt ...  and ... today I talked to Riven ... Aaron's {one of my ex's and closest friend} girlfriend ... and they are expecting their first child in March ... I am so excited for them ... I think I need to plan a trip to Oregon ... hey that could be my train trip ... man I love writing in my journal ... getting stuff out makes my life so much clearer for me ...  ahhhh well I should take my make-up off and get ready for bed ...

Thursday night at The Drink was so much fun

 

November 6, 1999

Thursday night at The Drink was so much fun ... I had a blast ... and didn't even get wasted ... hahahahahaa ... I had a couple of drinks ... but half way through the night started drinking water and I was so happy for that ... Kris, Lori and I went to Fat Tuesdays first ... which I always love and Lori had the greatest idea ... I have been wanting some sort of neck strap for my digital camera ... cause I have come close to dropping it and loosing it ... and Fat Tuesday's have this neck strap for your drinks and Lori suggested I use it for the cam ... and it rocks ... made it so easy ... of course I only wound up in one picture cause I was wearing the camera all night ... but it is still great ...  After Fat Tuesdays we went to The Drink for 70's night and Kris' brother Matt was in town so he and his girlfriend met us there and it really was a blast ... I met a total cutie and wound up hanging out and talking to him for quite a while ... we were having a great conversation that I actually gave him my phone number (I rarely give out my number) ... unfortunately he is from Cali ... which I have seemed to notice ... when I meet people out here ... they are never from here ... but I hope he decides to use my number cause I would love to talk to him more ...  Strangely enough I was the sober one when we left the bar ... so I drove home ... that never happens ... hahahahaa ... so I am glad we took Lori's car cause Kris' is stick and I still can't drive stick ... so the whole evening turned out wonderfully and I was so happy to see Matt ... even Dean and Jason G. stopped by for a bit ... I am glad we got to go on 70's night ...  Friday was a day to get stuff done ... rent ... cleaning the house (which looks great now) ... and doing this and that for work cause Clay was coming down for the weekend ... and I really didn't want to have to work while he was here ... he was supposed to call on Thursday to confirm ... but I didn't hear from him ... but ya know people get busy and I was in and out all day so I didn't think much about it ... well he had told me he was leaving Friday at noon and would be here between 4 and 5 ... I am pretty much figuring out now that it is Saturday night at midnight he isn't coming to Vegas ... hahahahaa ... fucking pisser ... why make plans with someone and then not even call to say you aren't coming ... or send an email ... leave a message ... fucking something ... I mean come on ... I have a problem when people say they will call and don't ... it is even worse when I clear my whole weekend ... turn down offers to do stuff ... and then I don't even get a phone call that says he isn't coming ... so that has kind of irked me all weekend ... I even saw him online tonight and he said nothing ... I am sorry but that is totally fucked up ...  what was even worse was Kris got pissed off at me late Friday afternoon ... it was all a misunderstanding ... but at the time ... when she called furious ... I was freaked out ... I called my mom like 7 times cause I just didn't know what to do ... and I couldn't live without Kris as my friend ... we cleared up the misunderstanding ... thank god ... but for a couple of hours there I was sooooooo worried ...  Friday night Kris and I met Matt and his girlfriend at New York, New York and then went to Pink E's ... the place rocks and I have some great pictures from the bathrooms there that I need to add to a photo album ... in the women's restroom are tons of pictures of naked men and in the men's room ... naked women (I had matt go in and take a bunch of pictures for me) ... besides that the place is just groovy ... I love the pink pool tables they have there ... I don't think any of us were really in the party mood ... we just hung out ... talked ... and played a little pool ... it was nice ... and not too late of an evening ...  work has been pretty good this week ... (knock on wood) ... and we have been getting sign-ups on our site ... which is a good thing ... also looks like we might get this big deal to design sites for this development company which rocks ... Dean is sooooo happy about that ... so I need to make a shameless plug for one of my sites ... because the more sign-ups we get ... the longer I will have a job ... and the less my boss will think about making my site a pay site ... hahahaa ... he only mentions it once in a while ... and knows I don't want it to happen ... and would only do it if there was no other choice ... so if you are someone who likes porno ... please check out this site ... cause it is only $2.95 a month to join ... cheap for porn ... I think next month it goes up to something like $4.95 ... so please take the time to check it out if you can ... even better ... join ... {smile} groovy banner huh?? hahahahaha I like it ... sorry about the shameless plug but I really really want to keep this job ... I like it so much ... and I love having my cam ... cause if I loose my job ... I have to shut down this site ... Kris keeps telling me that is the least of my problems ... but it is what bums me out the most ... I mean besides the fact that I get to work at home now whenever I want ... I would hate to not have my site anymore ... this site and my rent run about the same every month ... and I can barely pay my rent ... hahahaaa ... so I know it would have to go ...  Tomorrow night I am going to see John Popper Band ... lead singer of Blues Traveler ... and I am so excited ... I was going to go by myself but now a bunch of people are going ... Dean is gonna go and bring his friend Kira who is super cool and he set her up on a date too ... and Chris and John from work are going ... I am so excited ... a bouncer on Thursday night gave me the ticket ... he remembered me from the last time I was there and took his picture for my photo album ... so I have a free night tomorrow ... cause if I am with Dean we always seem to drink for free ... ahhhh its great when life rocks ...  I was talking to this cool guy online tonight ... who lives just down the street from me ... and I told him about the show tomorrow ... thought it might be a good place to meet ... and right before I started this journal entry he said ... be right back ... signed off ... and hasn't come back since ... who knows what happened ... I thought we were having fun chatting ... but oh well ... maybe I will see him again online sometime ...  I should have tried to go to bed earlier ... I know Dean is gonna call for brunch early ... he always says he won't call early ... but his bacon craving starts ... and my phone starts ringing ... so I should head to bed ... although with the headache I have now ... I am taking some Excedrin PM so I will doze big time tonight ... {smile} ...