I spend everyday of my life trying to do good things for other people ... I have been this way since I was a child ... I even made a plaque for my room when I was I think 5 maybe 6 that had the golden rule on it ... when I questioned my religion I decided to live my life through the idea of Karma ... I also devoured the book Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu at least 30 times so far in my life ... I've had to buy a new one I wore my first one out ...


but I am starting to question these things ... I feel invisible in life


I have never felt invisible ...


some days I am just sitting at my desk at work ... or in my car ... or at home ... or in line for coffee and I want to scream at the top of my fucking lungs ... to prove I am alive ...


this morning this woman walked smack into me while I was waiting for coffee and her eyes focused and she said "wow I didn't even see you there" ... how do you not see someone else standing there ... she was looking directly at me too ... it was just so weird ... if I had been able to get out of her way I would have but for a split second I felt like she was going to walk right through me ... like I was an apparition ...


I guess I need to do something more to add meaning to my life ... helping people ... being a good person ... sacrificing myself for the good of others means shit ... I have to find something else ...


something ...



something ...