162 dollars seems like nothing after 3 weeks

what a load of crap

why did i quit smoking anyway

i don't feel better

i still wake up feeling shitty

i am still in a pissed off mood

and everyone's "oh Liz that is so great shit" is getting on my nerves

my friends [none of which live close] keep asking if i still quit ... this shows my lack of staying power in the past

everyone asks why i don't talk about it - talk about fucking what ... that i want a cig so bad i would debate beating the crap out of someone smoking

so this means in my life i have given up:

alcohol

soda

Darvocet

prescription medication of any kind

cigs

dope

trips [oh and lots and lots of them]

along with other nameless extra curricular activities


now i am supposed to fucking give up sugar and everything with taste


what's next - coffee


does anyone see a point to living ...


i will be a hollow shell of a fucking person that will wind up dying of some fucking freak heart attack while walking on the treadmill


serious rage is building up inside of me

i no longer feel like a peaceful person

with good to give


i feel like i did on nights after a 12 pack - 3 pitchers - a couple of shots and my fists flying at anyone who looked at me wrong

but i want to do that sober


i've now started grinding my teeth while awake

that is a new one

the sounds is so sick and so loud

how anyone [David] sleeps in the same bed - let alone same house - as me makes him a saint


i need an energy release

a strong powerful one


bottled up rage hurts