Mixed Emotions

So I mentioned earlier that I was up until 2:00 AM ... that was because I spent the evening refunding money to the people that had purchased Rock-n-Tot tickets ... redoing the DC section of our website and sending out emails to everyone involved ... it was a really rough experience ... I hated for it to happen but at the same time there was a bit of relief letting go of the worry that we would bring in enough money to cover our costs ...

Naomi stayed up with me and helped me with everything ... which helped tremendously ...

I knew it had to happen yesterday but I kept putting it off ... I didn't want to face it at all ... but the time had come and in the cover of darkness I sat cross legged on my sofa and worked it all out ...

Did I give up?
Did I face reality?
Was it too soon?
Should I have held out?

I just don't know ... I could only do what felt right at the moment ... and saying good-bye felt like the right thing to do ...

Today there has been a sense of relief mixed with the sadness of not in the gearing up mode for the next event ... I met so many great people during this journey ... some I hope to know for a long time ... and I did have great fun while it lasted ...

I guess the bummer is that I didn't fulfill my desire with doing Rock-n-Tot ... I was willing to do all this work ... put everything into it that I could ... not to get rich ... and not necessarily to leave my job ... but really I just wanted to make enough money to take my family on vacation ... and that didn't happen ... I envisioned us taking a cruise and being so excited we had done so much work ... I think that might be what I am most disappointed about ...