OK so today definitely wasn't as bad as yesterday ... i got a lot done ... doing so much last night really helped ... and the day was moving along ... when my boss said he wanted to meet with the sales department ... so we all go in the small conference room and he closed the door ... he wanted to let us know that tomorrow during the conference call they would be letting everyone know that they are going to merge the Long Island office and the office in the city ...


i was shocked ...


part of what i love about my job is that i am 5.5 miles from work ... that a huge deal ... commuting sucks the life out of you ... 4 hours a day 5 days a week ... that is 4 hours short of a full day a week lost on traveling to and from work ... A DAY ... A FULL DAY ... not to mention having to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier ... with that thrown in we are looking at loosing a full day a week to getting to and from work ... i don't know if i want to do that ... i don't know that a job is important enough to give up the freedom of living close to work ...


i watched my dad do it for 11 years ... he left the house at 5:20 every morning and drove to LA and got home around 7:30 every night ... 2 hours of driving a day ... and although i respect him to no end for doing that for the sake of his family ... it broke my heart to see how tired he was at the end of each day ... falling asleep in his chair as soon as he sat down ...


i just don't know if i want to make this sacrifice ... i mean i am 31 years old ... i hope to have a family at some point ... and i can't hold off 'some point' for too much longer ... the office we moved into 2 months ago has a day care center right underneath ... i thought how great is this ... i can visit my child during the day ... and still work ... everything was just looking so great ...


and now this ... this is a huge decision ... i just don't know what i want to do and what part of my life i want to give up ...