I can bet this is going to be a weird post ... but it has been on and off my mind for a while now ...


growing up sex was an open subject in my house ... my parents talked about it with no shame ... also we had some close family friends and people that worked for my dad that were/are gay ... and there was never anything different to me between people that loved someone of the same sex or someone of a different sex ... it was just normal ... I mean I knew my dad's friend Richard would always be bringing his wife over to our house and my dad's friend Randy would always be bringing his boyfriend over ... it was natural and I never thought twice about anything ...


in the 32 years I have been alive I have had 3 people come out to me first ... I always felt so honored that I was entrusted with that moment in their life ...


I have broken up with 2 men in my life when I found they were homophobic [funny thing is homophobic men love anal sex the most] ... one actually said, "if your dad has so many friends that are gay that probably means he is gay too ... that is why I would have gay friends but not hang out with them." ... I was floored that someone wasn't too embarrassed to utter words like that from their mouth ... I said, "I don't think anyone gay would want to hang out with you ... and now it is time to leave my house" ...


I started writing this because I miss Jason and Kurt and Emily and Tre and Regina and everyone else ... this is just going to sound weird but I miss having a gay friend that I can hang out with ... it just sounds so stupid saying that ... in fact I have been sitting here thinking about deleting this post ... but it is true ... sure it could be the people I miss ... and I could miss having any friends at all ... I really don't know anyone out here and since I haven't had a job David is my only friend ... but there is also something wonderful about hanging out with a gay man ... they aren't ever going to try and get me into bed ... and we can dish about guys ... and Jason was always up for being my date for things like weddings and stupid sorority functions when I didn't have a boyfriend ... just like I was always happy to be Emily's date to Girl Bar in LA or to the Dinah Shore weekend in Palm Springs when she didn't have a girlfriend ...


maybe it is just the letter from Jason today made me see how much I really missed him ... I mean we lived close to each other in both Kansas and Los Angeles ... and Heather's package made me realize how much I miss her ... I really just miss having friends to do things with ... I don't know where to meet anyone not having a job ...


ok this is a weird ramble ... but then so are most of the things swimming around in my head ... :)