I am surprised I am going to write about this ... but sometimes I worry that david loves me ... but that he isn't 'in love' with me ... which really has been the story of my life ... and if it again becomes another chapter ... this time it would devistate me ... more so than when Aaron and I broke up in college ...


of all the break ups i have had i was only devistated when Aaron and I broke up ... it was 5 years before I dated anyone seriously ...


i just wonder about david ... sometimes it feels like he is holding back with me ...

and sex seems to have disappeared ... when we first started having sex we did it several times a week ... now i feel lucky if it is several times a month ... we don't even kiss during sex anymore let alone anything more than a peck any other time ... no more senuous kisses like when we first met ...


i know the reality of being with someone for a year ... which we are almost at that mark ... and our relationship has been totally excellerated ... he started spending almost every night right away and moved in after only a month and a half ... and we have been through a lot of the hard things that test a relationship years before most couples ...


i sometimes just wonder if he wants to be here ... or if he feels for some reason that he has to be here ...