david not having a job is not as good of a thing as i thought it was ... and believe it or not it has nothing to do with money ... it has to do with how he is acting ... it feels like he is mad at me ... but i have no idea why ...


i believe i have been really supportive ... and helpful ... and reassuring ... i have been open and honest ... and yet i still feel like he is mad at me ... thinking about it right now makes me want to cry ... but there is really no where in our house to be alone ...


i went to Starbucks tonight so i could get out of the house a bit ... but i spent the whole time on the phone with Kris ... i have found in my car is the only place she and i can really talk and get stuff out ...


i have only been home alone for a couple of hours one evening since the end of March ... not the easiest thing for me ... i really really love my alone time ... i mean i lived alone for the majority of my adult life ...


in the dorm in college i had a roommate for 2 months and then i moved into my own room for the rest of the year and that summer ... then i lived in houses with roommates for one year and then had my own apartment for the remaining 3 years i was in kansas ... i lived with my mom for a year and then with eric for three and until david moved in i lived in my own apartment for 3 years ... with a few months here and there staying with people ... so since i was 19 ... the last 12 years i have lived 7 of them alone ...


so having no alone time is something that is an adjustment to me ...


but i think i went off on a tangent there ...


i don't know what i am trying to say ... i just don't understand why he is mad at me ...