it has been about 6 hours since David and I have spoken tonight ... that is so bad ... my whole body aches ... and I keep tearing up ... I would like to talk to him but to be quite honest I have nothing to say ... I know his life is frustrating right now but I will not sit here and be a punching bag [this isn't a literal term] anymore ...


this after noon we were out ... and he yelled at me for some stupid reason ... oh I asked if he would check his pockets and make sure he didn't grab the smoke ... for that he yelled at me ... and pretty loud I might add ... when we got home he asked if I was mad at him and I said 'a little' ... he said 'why' ... and I said ... 'because I am tired of being yelled at ... there was no reason to yell' ... and he said 'you are right ... I shouldn't yell at you' ...


two hours later we went to the grocery ... I know he hates it there ... so do I ... and I didn't force him to go this time ... I asked if he wanted to go and pick out some food cause I was going to make a salad for tonight and tomorrow night ... as we were at the checkout he pulled the basket all the way through and I said ... 'we need to leave it right here [right next to the woman rigging up our groceries] cause she will bag the groceries and put them right in the cart' ... the checkout woman said 'I see someone doesn't go to the store often' ... at that comment ... and one not even made by me mind you ... he left the store ... when I got in the car he yelled at me and said 'I will never go to the grocery store again ... I won't ... you treat me like a child and I will never go again ... I'll fucking starve if you don't want to buy food but I won't go to the grocery ever again' ... TOTALLY yelling this at me ... I said 'when did I treat you like a child?' ... and he said 'the whole time we were in there ... I'm not going ever again' ...


now I must say I tried to be in and out of the store cause I know he hates it ... and I made suggestions or asked if he wanted to go down different isles to get stuff ... but I NEVER treated him like a child ... I was trying to make it as pleasant an experience as possible cause I know he hates to go ...


and I must say the 'I won't ever go to the grocery again ... I'll starve before I go again' ... that is the comment a child would make ... ya know we both fucking hate going to the grocery store ... we both hate cleaning the cat box ... we both hate going to Starbucks in the morning ... we both hate going to the post office ... so why am I the one that has to do these things???????? ... I mean they are things that must be done ... we could cut out the Starbucks but to be honest that is the biggest source of joy in my life right now ... so I put up with all the people and the no parking to obtain that joy ... but fuck if I want to scoop cat shit all the time ... the cat doesn't even like me all that much ... he follows David around like a shadow ... and I think that if neither of us likes to go to the grocery store well fuck it we should both have to go then ... and if we are making out money from ebay and to do this we must go to the post office well then shit we should at the very least take turns ...


I don't think any of these things is asking too much ... I am tired of being taken advantage of ... of being yelled at ... of being treated like shit when all I am trying to do is make life a little more pleasant ... fuck that ... I guess the only way not to be yelled at at this point is to not talk ... so we will see how long this lasts ...