i was a terrible friend tonight and i am not quite sure how to make up for it

tracy had people over for her birthday and i didn't go ... i just couldn't ... david wasn't going to go with me cause there were going to be too many people there from work that he didn't want to see ... and i just couldn't spend the night talking about work ... i just couldn't ... the thought made me sick to my stomach ...


i woke up feeling terribly ill this morning ... i am grinding my teeth like a bastard and i am now waking up with migraines ... and my arm in total pain ... i saw tracy online first thing and we were chatting about work ... and i just started crying and getting sick to my stomach ... typing about it now is making me queazy ... she stated it well today ... 'it is like going through a divorce' ... that is just how i feel ... a terrible nasty divorce where i just want to get the hell out of there and i don't care about getting any of my shit ... i want a fresh new start ...


i want david and i to be happy ... and to have jobs we love ... i want to get away from this hell and have it behind the two of us ... we stand a pretty great chance if we can wade through the misery