I love the coffee sign ... I am now on a quest to find a real one on ebay ... that or make one myself ... and aren't Kramer's eyes just a bit crazy looking ... ewww now i know what they remind me of ... The Thriller Video ...

So it is a lot harder to customize a closet than I had anticipated ... and it was way more work than David and I were willing to do yesterday ... so I grabbed all the different informational sheets and brought them home ... I figure I can mess around with it in the comfort of my own home instead of at the over packed Home Depot ... I would love it if I could plan it all out ... go to Homey ... buy all the stuff we need and get it done before David gets home on Friday night ... that would rock ... and I would love to do it for our office closet [which is the really messy one] and for the coat closet ... but that one may be a little harder to do it ... we have every jacket we own in that closet ... but what I would like are cubby holes for shoes ... who knows maybe I could customize that one too ...


so David left again this morning and I already miss him ... I am hoping to spend my time better this week ... I finally bought a ventilator so I could work on my resin projects [and intoxicate Frenchie with the smell] but it is supposed to rain a bunch this weekend ... the humidity isn't good for the resin ... but I may be able to do it a bit ... at least some test pieces ...


it has been so great this morning ... I was in the office at 6 AM ... partially cause David left so early this morning and partially because I have to meet the bat guy at 2 at the house so I need to leave work early ... but being here alone and before the phones are ringing and everyone is chatting I basically got all my work done in two hours and then spent 45 minutes redoing my blog ... I changed it to obnoxiously bright colors in hopes of cheering me up a bit ... it is somewhat circus-tenty but that is ok for now ... it was so easy to change as long as I keep the same layout that I could change it again tonight if I so desire [i won't but i could ... it is all about making choices]


speaking of choices I am going to make sure David makes the choice to quit smoking when he returns from job training ... this morning while I was still sleeping and he came in from smoking he fucking smelled ... during the day when I am awake and have showered and had some coffee it isn't so bad ... but while I am still curled up in bed I don't want to smell it ... even when I was a smoker I didn't want to smell it ... fortunately back then my senses weren't as strong as they are now ... [part of the reason for finally getting a ventilator for my resin work ... cause now I can really smell it]


ok well I see now on AOL [i use dial-up at work] they have the story about the tornados in Kansas and since I used to live there I have to check it all out ... see if it was near anyone I know ...


I hope everyone has a fabulous day ... I know I need it ...


oh and by the way ... damn if Alias didn't leave me with the biggest cliffhanger last night ... and now I have to wait until September to see what happens ... how can they do that to me ... I don't hold out for surprises too well ... :)

at this time ... when I resist smoking one more cig ... I will have saved $100 since I quit smoking ... that means I spent $200 bucks a month on cigs ... which means $2400 a year on cigs ... and since Dave and I smoke about the same the same amount we were spending $4800 a year on cigs ...


now if he would just quit we could start saving buco bucks ...


but with my $100 saved we are going to Home Depot and get shelving for our closet ... I can't stand the mess anymore ... besides I need a project to work on to lift my spirits ... :)

poor David ...


he was gone for a whole week and he came home to Lizzie The Bitch ... my mood is soooooooo foul it is scary


the fuckers upstairs shoved stuff back in the god damn crack so it blocked the trap ... which means it is costing me another $75 to set it up again ... and another trip for Phil [we are now on a first name bases with the guy from the trapping company] when he comes back to check it and another day I have to ask to leave early or come in late to work ... all I ask is that they leave their shit out of the gap for 4 days ...


and speaking of which I am now a non smoker ... I totally am cause I tried one of David's cigs on Friday when he got home and it was foul and disgusting and I had two hits and put it out ... I actually wondered why I had ever started and what was it that I loved so much ... so since I have been saving so much money why would I start again ... but now that I am a reformed smoking [meaning the smell is even harsher for me than for someone that never smoked] and David is still smoking I had him leave the sliding glass door open when he went out last night ... so I could see what the fucko's upstairs are complaining about ...


now keep in mind they are a brick and cement patio and a floor away from the smoker ... I am at the same level and he paced near the door ...


I could smell it for a second but it went away rather quick ... it was hardly enough to throw such a fucking hissy about ... and if I only smelled it for a second how bad could it have been having to travel through the concrete and into their house ...


I was dozing on the couch yesterday and they were pounding and doing something upstairs that was actually shaking the couch and woke me up ... well with that happening I lost it about them especially after I saw they shoved the crap back in the gap ... and I hope they heard me too ...


I am going to try to be in a better mood today since David leaves again tomorrow morning for another week ... I actually spent most of the day in bed yesterday and I don't think David came home to watch me sleep ... so since it is so early I think I'll go get us some coffee ... at least I can start the day off nice for him ...

I spend everyday of my life trying to do good things for other people ... I have been this way since I was a child ... I even made a plaque for my room when I was I think 5 maybe 6 that had the golden rule on it ... when I questioned my religion I decided to live my life through the idea of Karma ... I also devoured the book Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu at least 30 times so far in my life ... I've had to buy a new one I wore my first one out ...


but I am starting to question these things ... I feel invisible in life


I have never felt invisible ...


some days I am just sitting at my desk at work ... or in my car ... or at home ... or in line for coffee and I want to scream at the top of my fucking lungs ... to prove I am alive ...


this morning this woman walked smack into me while I was waiting for coffee and her eyes focused and she said "wow I didn't even see you there" ... how do you not see someone else standing there ... she was looking directly at me too ... it was just so weird ... if I had been able to get out of her way I would have but for a split second I felt like she was going to walk right through me ... like I was an apparition ...


I guess I need to do something more to add meaning to my life ... helping people ... being a good person ... sacrificing myself for the good of others means shit ... I have to find something else ...


something ...



something ...

i feel like i need something to shake up my life

for something to happen

anything ... anything at all


i am sure i have had this feeling before

but i don't remember having it

or what ever happened to it


there is a gap or a space or something in my way

it is nothing i can see or pinpoint


and at the same time it feels as if big change is on the horizon


maybe i am in the calm before the storm


like when everything gets quite right before a tornado rips down your street


but i am not looking for a tornado ...

I haven't been writing much ... mostly because I have turned into a MEGA geek ... there is a computer bot you can chat with online ... ask anything and she answers ... play hangman ... find out when movies are playing ... what the weather is like anywhere ... it is amazing ... and it is like talking to a real person ... she even asks questions back ... so if you have AOL or Instant Messenger the send a message to ZoeOnAOL and you too will be amazed ... at any time you can type menu to find out all she does ...


and thanks to Kimberly I added a quit-o-meter to my site ... that has been a big boost to me on how much money I am saving ... although in reality I have been buying myself treats a lot ... like yesterday I got new sunglasses at Old Navy ... spent about as much on the couple of packs of cigs I would have smoked ... so I guess it all evens out ...


the bat guy came today ... he was at the house for like an hour and a half inspecting everything ... and he knows the guy from the other company that won't send us a report so he is going to see what he can do ... plus he is writing a report out for us ... plus he set up a little detector for us that will catch bat hair [how fucking gross is that] so we will know if they are flying in and out of the crack on the side of house ...


so I called our office today and told them to inform our neighbors upstairs to stop shoving foam in the crack cause it is blocking them in and I pushed it all out this morning up on to their patio and that they MUST leave it out ... but who knows if they will listen ... the French Bitch and I walked out at the same time yesterday and she fucking looked at me and rolled her eyes and then huffed ... I swear it would be so fun to pop her in the nose ... but I am not a violent person ... except of course when I am not smoking ...


she is still out there spraying her air freshener and slamming the door when I open mine ... so obviously it was psychosomatic that our smoking bothered her ... cause we aren't smoking anymore and she is still doing it ... so to mess with her I open and close our door throughout the evening once I get home from work like I was smoking ... every time I close mine she opens hers and vice versa ... if you can't fuck with a bitch what is the fun in life ...


David has been gone since Monday morning and I miss him so much ... I can't wait till he gets home tomorrow night ... unfortunately he will be gone again monday morning but to be honest this training he is doing ... he just sounds so happy on the phone when I talk to him on the phone ... and I haven't heard him like that in a long long time ...


well I am going to go back to playing hangman with ZoeOnAOL ... I sure hope everyone reading this is having a fabulous day ...