while going to school in Lawrence, Kansas I didn't have the best luck with roommates ... eventually I moved into my own place that was awesome ... I lived there until I moved away from Kansas ...


it was in an old building [like most stuff in Lawrence] ... and a corner unit ... there was a front door to go into the 2 story building and then each apartment had it's own door ... so my windows looked out over the front of the building facing the street and our parking/front door ...


I went out with this really nice guy a couple of times ... he was huge ... like 6'5" and his most distinguishing characteristic besides the bright blue eyes was that he had alopecia ... the man didn't have a single hair on his body ... anywhere ...


we had fun the times we went out ... but there was never that "spark" ... I really enjoyed partying with him and found him totally sexy ... but in one evening he went from sexy to a bit freaky ...


it was almost 3 in the morning and I was totally asleep ... when I awoke to someone pounding on my door ... I didn't have a peephole and wasn't about to open my door at that time ... so I crouched down at the window in my bedroom and peeked out the blind hoping to catch a glimpse of whomever it was as they exited the building ...


when I saw the bald head glowing in the moonlight I thought ... "what the hell is he doing here at this time" ... as I watched out the window I saw him get on his bike and just ride up and down the drive in front of the building for about 10 minutes ... and then peddle off down the street ... I giggled and thought ... "well that was one unprepared booty call ... glad I didn't open the door"


I laid back down only to be awoken again about 30 minutes later by pounding on the door ... followed again by the bike riding up and down the drive ... I watched for a while and then went back to bed ... before I even fell asleep I heard the cabinets in the kitchen opening and closing ... like the cat was sticking his paw in to try and open the door but it just kept closing ...


I got up to tell Harley [my cat at the time] to stop it ... only to see Harley standing back from the cabinets watching them in wonder ... when the cabinet under the sink did it again I freaked ... I turned on the kitchen light ... slowly I walked up to the sink ... crouched down ... braced myself ... and yanked the doors open ... to find myself face to face with his big bald head ...


see the building was so old that at one time there was ice delivery for the ice box ... and the little doors were still in tact but now [if they worked ... most were screwed or nailed shut] opened up under the kitchen sink ... well [we'll call him] Steve had pried the door open and was trying to get into the house under the kitchen sink ... unfortunately he was too big for the little door and got stuck ...


I ran out into the hall yelling "what the hell do you think you are doing ... if I didn't answer my door that means I don't want you here" ... my neighbor ... a 60 year old Chinese man came into the hall with his broom and started smacking Steve on the ass saying "she no want you here ... she no want you here"


I just burst out laughing ... my neighbor keep hitting him in the ass and Steve kept crying out ... "Liz I'm stuck ... I'm stuck ... I would leave if I could get out from under the sink" ... he kept wiggling and wiggling and I kept laughing and laughing ... until he eventually got himself free ... I said "Steve you are drunk ... go home and go to sleep ... I'll see you later"


the next day our building's totally bitchen handy man was working on stuff in my apartment when Kris and Heather came over ... I was telling them the story and the three of us were laughing so hard that the whole thing even happened ... my friends have always joked that if you want weird stuff to happen hang out with Liz ... Rick [the handyman] said ... "ladies I'll be right back" ... then we heard some pounding in the hallway ... we went out and he was in the process of putting about 30 huge nails all around the ice door ... and then said ... "I'll be back in about 30 minutes" ... when he returned he had a drill and a brand new peephole for my door ...


Steve called me that night and apologized profusely ... he said he really just wanted to see me and hang out and didn't have my phone number with him and that in the future would never try to get into my apartment under my kitchen sink ... I told him not to worry there was no way he was getting through that door again ...