It was 1989 ... February 3rd to be exact and in a month I would be 20 ... I had met Brian in August when I moved into Hashinger Hall ... we both lived on the 7th floor ... boys to the right of the elevator ... girls to the left ... at the time I thought he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen ... as we got to know each other he also became one of the most aware and kindest men I had known ... I am not sure if what we had was a courtship or a friendship ... I just knew we spent every moment together for 6 long months and I loved every minute of it ... and he knew it ... he also knew I was a virgin ...


on February 3rd I went out with some friends to ladies night at some completely machismo bar ... I got kicked out that night for drinking beer out of the pitcher which I found quite ridiculous ... but guessed later it was because they didn't wash them all that well ... nice place ...


when I got home there was a note on my door that said "Call me ... I miss you ... B" ... I sware my heart skipped a beat ... it hadn't been quite a month since our first kiss ... and I was quite inexperienced with men but Brian knew all this ... and it made me comfortable ... I put on my favorite white cotton babydoll nightgown and called Brian ... it was only moments before he was opening my door ... we sat on my bed and talked for what seemed like ages ... while he played with my hair ... it was perfect ... I had colored Christmas lights wrapped around the exposed pipes on my ceiling and the warm pink huge always made me feel giddy ...


I turned to him and said ... "there is no one in the world I would rather experience my first time with than you' ... I can still see his smile ... I knew he was waiting for me to say something because he never wanted to feel he pushed me into having sex ...


I was so nervous and so comfortable all at the same time ... I remember thinking this is the closest I have ever been to another human being ... his body was so warm ... and he cradled me in his arms ... even the sting of pain wasn't so bad ...


we fell asleep like that ... and it was also the first time I had spent the night in someone's arms ... I remember not being able to stop smiling the next day ... and the moment Heather saw me she knew ... and gave me a huge hug and said ... "I am so happy your first time is making you smile so" ...


tomorrow will be 14 years since I lost my virginity ... some days it seems as if it were yesterday ...