When I was about 8 years old I was shopping at Marshall's with my mom ... I found the most excellent pair of platform, neon shiny green sandals that I HAD TO HAVE ... I told my mom they were just for dress-up but I had bigger plans ...


they were probably about $3 marked down 10 times cause who would buy them ... they seriously were disturbing ... but I loved them and she gave in ...


the moment we got home the nagging began ... I explained how I had to show my friends cause they were just the most beautiful shoes in the world ... I went on and on like that all night till she finally agreed I could wear them to school the next day ...


... mind you I was in 2nd grade and they were easily 4 inch platforms ...


I awoke so excited ... this was 1978, body suits with the ruffle around the shoulders and straight leg jeans were the big thing ...I put my wine colored body suit on ... slipped the elastic ruffle around my shoulders ... slid into my jeans that had a shiny gold record on one pocket ... and the word "Disco" with a rhinestone above the "I" on the other pocket ... buckled up my new platform neon green sandals and dolled myself up in a rabbit fur jacket ... [shit I am laughing just writing this ... the jacket was mixed fur that zipped up and was truly gross thinking about it now ... but hot in 1978]


there my mom stood watching her hooker looking 8 year old walk to school ... after I picked up my friend Ashley [who by the way thought my ensemble was dynamite] her mother promptly called mine to ask if she had seen me leave the house ... all the while holding back the laughter ...


everyone at school was way into the outfit ... everyone but my teacher Miss Campbell who found it rather distracting ... so much so that she pinned a note onto my ruffled body suit that simply said ...


"In the future please make sure Elisabeth is sent to school with proper shoes so she may participate in PE"


that was the last time I left the house looking like a hooker ...