my mom is going to wind up putting me in the nut house ... sometimes she mentally screws with me so much i don't know if i am coming or going ... and i don't know how much longer i can live in her house ... a job would help ... and everyday i apply to so many ... but that doesn't seem to help ... i just want to get out of here ... and i can't ...


she would be so upset seeing what i wrote ... she would say it is so untrue and how could i say such a thing ... but i sware ... sometimes she just screws with me ... she came down here a few minutes ago and was in a great mood ... and we had made plans for Father's Day ... and then i go upstairs to leave to go run errands and she is eratic and pissed off ... and mad that i am going out at that moment ... i said i could wait and she stomped upstairs ... so i just went and got coffee ... so i could do her banking and mine later this afternoon ... she was mad at that when i got home ... and said she is just going herself ...


earlier she told me i should just go out and do stuff before i pick up david ... when i got home and said that is what i was planning on doing she said she couldn't wait that long to have her banking done ... she would just go herself even though it is pouring out and she hates driving in the rain ... i mean what the fuck is up with that ... just do the opposite to screw with me ...


we looked at a great condo yesterday ... but now she is saying david and i should live here 6 more months ... save some more money ... fuck that is till December ... that would be a hell of a long time ... it would also mean that we would need to fix up a new place and move in the snow ... all hellish experiences since i have done them before ... she is just making me crazy ... and david doesn't understand it when he comes home from work ... he is all pissy about his job and thinks i live in the lap of luxury ...


i feel the state of crazy isn't too far off ...