It is the last day of 2001 and i must say ... i am soooooooooooooooo happy this year is over!!!!!
I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...
i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100
we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV
i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...
well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)
Happy New Year!!
Monday, December 31, 2001
It is the last day of 2001 and i must say ... i am soooooooooooooooo happy this year is over!!!!!
I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...
i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100
we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV
i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...
well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)
Happy New Year!!
I am quite happy i met david in 2000 cause this year sucked ... at least it means that next year has to get better ...
i mean david lost his job in april ... and i lost mine in september ... we live in the dinkiest basement apartment and hardly see the light of day ... david has applied to 100's of jobs the market is just so bleak ... i have applied to about 100
we had the horrendous World Trade Center disaster along with all 4 planes and The Pentagon ... i cried so much that first week ... david and i were virtually sleepless watching the TV
i just really really hope 2002 brings david and i some good things ... i would say we have been really resilliant this last year with everything that has tried to knock us down and tear us apart ... i really am so happy I have him in my life ...
well i think for the new year and a new outlook on life i am going to redesign this site ... see what inspiration i come up with ... :)
Happy New Year!!
Saturday, December 29, 2001
Wedding Story
i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...
i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...
i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...
i am sitting here watching "A Wedding Story" which i probably shouldn't be doing cause it is just making me cry ... i will NEVER have this ... the experience of a wedding ... i feel like i am being robbed of a part of life that i wanted to experience ... it doesn't seem fair ...
i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...
i wonder often ... even though i love david so deeply it hurts sometimes ... is it right to stay with him when we feel so differently about marriage ... you know he has been married and divorced already ... so i don't know if it was such a bad experience for him and that is why he has no interest in it ... or if he is like all the others who just didn't want to marry me ... it just leaves me so confused ...
Monday, December 24, 2001
What Is It?
this isn't going to be a very happy entry for christmas eve ... but i gotta get it out so i stop crying ...
i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...
i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...
everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...
i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...
what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...
shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...
my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore
i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...
i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...
everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...
i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...
what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...
shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...
my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore
this isn't going to be a very happy entry for christmas eve ... but i gotta get it out so i stop crying ...
i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...
i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...
everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...
i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...
what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...
shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...
my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore
i got a christmas card today from my ex ... he and his girlfriend erin got engaged on thanksgiving ...
i feel like i am in the scene from 'when harry met sally' ... where she finds out her ex got engaged ... and she is crying and says ... 'i always thought that he just didn't want to get married ... the truth is he didn't want to marry me' ... that is the truth of my life ...
everyone i have ever dated has said 'i don't want to ever get married' ... but they were fucking spineless shitheads ... they were leaving off the end of the sentence ... what they ment to say was ... 'i don't want to ever get married TO YOU' ...
i grew up in a home where my parents really loved each other ... next month will be my parents 35th wedding anniversary ... that is something i will never have ... it makes my heart hurt ...
what the fuck is it about me ... i am faithful to a flaw ... not jelous ... very trusting ... very giving ...
shit ever since i got their christmas card i have been tearing up ... and i am sick to my stomach ... eric fucking used me ... ripped apart my being by the end ... left me and he is the one that is moving on with the life i had wanted ... it isn't fucking fair ... every one of my ex's has now been married ... well except brian that i know of ... last time we saw each other he was in love and said he wanted to marry the woman he was seeing but i haven't spoken to him in years now ... he started traveling with her and we lost touch ...
my heart just hurts ... i don't even want to think about it anymore
Thursday, December 20, 2001
Odd Dream
i had some very vivid dreams last night ... i dreamt i was breast feeding a baby ... i dreamt i was in lawrence, kansas and hanging out at a restaurant while an old good friend (not sure who it was) was working ... and a woman came over to me to order a pink cake ... i told her i didn't work there but that i would let someone know for her ... i dreamt i tried to breast feed while driving and deceided it wasn't a good idea cause i almost bumped into the car in front of me cause i had trouble reaching the break peddle ... and i dreamt i got to my house and had to open the gate with a key and got it open just in time for a big truck to roar out the gates ...
so this is what the dream dictionary says:
Breasts / Breast Feeding
Dreaming about breasts can have obvious sexual meaning. However, consider all of the details in your dream in order to obtain the most appropriate meaning. Breasts also represent tenderness, love, and other matters of the heart. Breastfeeding is symbolic of giving or receiving, nurturing, and sustenance. It represents motherly love as well as physical and emotional support and well being. Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.
Cake
It may symbolize the sweet and pleasurable parts of life. The dream may be interpreted according to your interaction with the cake in the dream.
Pink
Pink usually symbolizes health and good feelings. It is a traditionally a feminine color, and some feel that it connotes love. Pink is soft and fuzzy, like girls!
Car
The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey
Key
As with most dreams, look for the obvious connections by comparing the details or the theme of your dream to your daily life. Are you trying to figure something out and "unlock" a puzzling question? Do you wish to hide something? Are you locking something up or are you opening the door? Last, but not least, does this dream have any sexual connotations?
Baby
Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless.
so this is what the dream dictionary says:
Breasts / Breast Feeding
Dreaming about breasts can have obvious sexual meaning. However, consider all of the details in your dream in order to obtain the most appropriate meaning. Breasts also represent tenderness, love, and other matters of the heart. Breastfeeding is symbolic of giving or receiving, nurturing, and sustenance. It represents motherly love as well as physical and emotional support and well being. Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.
Cake
It may symbolize the sweet and pleasurable parts of life. The dream may be interpreted according to your interaction with the cake in the dream.
Pink
Pink usually symbolizes health and good feelings. It is a traditionally a feminine color, and some feel that it connotes love. Pink is soft and fuzzy, like girls!
Car
The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey
Key
As with most dreams, look for the obvious connections by comparing the details or the theme of your dream to your daily life. Are you trying to figure something out and "unlock" a puzzling question? Do you wish to hide something? Are you locking something up or are you opening the door? Last, but not least, does this dream have any sexual connotations?
Baby
Many people from time to time will have babies or small children in their dreams. If these newborns are strangers to you, you can assume that they represent you. You are the baby and the dream is telling you something about your development in a particular area of your life. At times of great change and renewal, a baby may appear in a dream and represent your potential and a new beginning. Some of the meaning of the dream may be obtained by considering what the baby looked like and was doing. Generally, babies represent innocence and are symbols of the purest form of a human whose possibilities are endless.
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