Vivid Dream

I had the most amazing dream last night ... it was so vivid and so real ... it makes me a bit nervous ...


It was my friend Mike ... that I went to college with ... the last time I heard from him we were supposed to meet in NYC ... some time before 9/11 ... but we never hooked up ... then I didn't hear from him for ages ... I got an email from a mutual friend when I started planning the wedding and wanted to send Mike an invitation ... the email explained that Mike was a heroin addict ... he had lost his wife, job, house, car ... and our friend had no idea where he was or if he was still alive ... it still makes me cry thinking about it ... I miss him terribly ... we stayed close even after we both moved away from Lawrence ...


well in my dream last night Mike was right there with me ... and we were hugging ... tightly ... I could feel his skin next to mine and I was sad ... and I didn't want to let go ... and David was there [even though he has never met Mike] and I remember thinking "I feel bad hugging Mike with David there" but in the dream David could hear my thoughts and he said to me "It is OK Liz ... stay close to him ... he needs this ... he is leaving ... he is saying good-bye" ... which made me start to cry ... and then Mike held me tighter and tighter and tighter till I thought I couldn't breath any more but I didn't want to let go ... so I just kept squeezing ... and I kept saying to myself, "Liz make a mental memory of this ... how this feels ... how his skin feels ... make a memory ... you have to remember this" ... and it was like I could feel it all ... and then I started sobbing ... I kissed his lips ... and then woke up with tears in my eyes ...


It shook me up enough that I couldn't go back to sleep ... I decided to get up ... splash some water on my face and go sit outside for a bit ...


Was he saying good-bye? ... was that it? ... is there no hope that he will one day be alright? ... get his life back from the grips of heroin? ... is he gone? ...


As I relive this dream while writing it I am again brought to tears ... he is/was such a wonderful person with so many amazing ideas and a huge heart ... I've missed our talks for years now ... but now I fear there will never be another one ... that he has left for good ... and taken a piece of me with him ...