I woke up around 2:30 in the morning and had another cig ... I was dreaming about quitting ... and I wasn't even wearing the patch yet ... in my dream my ex [for some reason] had a desk in our apartment and a bedroom upstairs in my parents house ... but I was realizing I hadn't seen him in years ... and there were all the cigs around but all I could find is broken ones ... and I was so pissed ... it was starting to really bother me that it was waking me up ...


well when I got up David was already up ... he said he couldn't sleep he was having dreams about quitting ... so we went out and had a smoke together ...


and now that I am withdrawing so badly right now I wish I had had 3 when I woke up ...


so I have the patch on ... I am eating pistachios like they are going out of style ... and I am loving the "cream savers" candy ... but the desire to have a cig is so strong ... I hate the quitting ...


I keep saying ... there is amazing hospital in Cali where heroin or other narcotic addicts can go ... they put them under ... pump stuff through them that has them go through their detox in 24 hours ... so the terribly horrible part is over with in 24 hours and while you are asleep ... if they did this for smokers they would make a fortune ... I would pay good money for that ... to put these first 3 days through in 24 hours while I am asleep ... I was shaking early because I needed a smoke so badly ...


and I miscalculated how much we spend ... cause we spend 16 bucks a day ... I was smoking almost 2 packs a day ... it was hard to realize since Davie and I smoke the same brand so we are both working out of the same box ...


ok ... enough smoke talk ... I was just trying to get past this last craving ... even though the next one is fast approaching ... :)