This is an email Kris sent me today that cracked me up:


Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

----------------------------------

FREE PUPPIES:

1/2 COCKER SPANIEL

1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

------------------------------

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG

------------------------------

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN.? FREE.

-------------------------------------

FOUND:? DIRTY WHITE DOG.

LOOKS LIKE A RAT...

BEEN OUT AWHILE.

BETTER BE REWARD.

-----------------------------------

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

----------------------------

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...

ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

-------------------------------

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...

ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

-----------------------------------

NORDIC TRACK $300

HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

-------------------------------------

HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER -

"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

----------------------------------------

GEORGIA PEACHES

CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

------------------------------------------

NICE PARACHUTE:

NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

-------------------------------------------

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?

WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.

STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.

-------------------------------------------

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:

QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

-------------------------------------------

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

------------------------------------------

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

-------------------------------------------

OPEN HOUSE

BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON

FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

---------------------------------------

(AND THE BEST ONE)

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.

45 volumes. Excellent condition.

$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.

Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.