in the summer of 1998 I lived in North Carolina ... actually I think I was there close to 5 months ... maybe 4.5 ... anyway I became great friends with this woman Karen ... we were inseparable ... she was from NY and I was still living in cali ... I went to DC to visit my parents and wound up taking the train to NY so I could hang out with her for a while ... we talked on the phone all the time ... chatted online ... emailed ... I thought she would be a friend of mine for life ...


there was one thing about her though I could never understand ... she really felt you weren't a complete person [woman] unless you got married ... I always thought it was silly ... why would a woman need a man to be a complete person ... shit in my experiences you became half a person in some relationships ... but whatever ... this is what she felt and it was her mission to find a husband ... more power to her ...


well in 2000 when I got the job interview in NY I was thrilled ... I was going to live near Karen ... I already had a friend there ... I took the train from DC [where I was living at that time] to NYC and met Karen and her then boyfriend for dinner near the train station before taking the LIRR out to Long Island for a job interview the next day ... it was great seeing her but she had changed a lot ... to be quite honest the guy she was dating was an asshole ... he kept telling her she was fat and she didn't do anything all day ... he was rude to me and constantly cut me off while I was talking ... after dinner Karen and I wanted to hang out and get a coffee ... I mean I had a little over an hour before my train to Long Island but he said no way ... he wasn't going to sit around and do fucking nothing while we gabbed ... so reluctantly we said good-bye and I sat on the floor of the train station for an hour waiting for my train ...


I got the job and moved to NY ... at least I thought I would get to hang out with Karen without her boyfriend or talk on the phone and stuff ... I could take the train to the city on the weekend and we could spend time together ... but in the next two weeks while I moved myself out to LI ... he moved himself into her posh apartment in the city ... the few times we talked when I first moved there she didn't want to do anything unless her man was coming along ... and he was always busy when we tried to make plans ... I couldn't understand why she couldn't go out without him ...


well Kris came to visit me after I had lived in NY for about 1.5 months ... I was so excited that I was actually living out there when Kris was there ... she and I had visited NY together ... but this time we could go out and party and we had a place to crash ... besides now I knew someone living in the city who would be able to take us to groovy bars ... and Karen has always wanted to meet Kris ... I talked about Kris all the time when Karen and I were hanging out ...


so we made plans to go out in the city one night ... Karen never showed and never called ... I called her a couple of times the next day only to get her machine ... kris was with me for 2 weekends ... on the last day of her final weekend I was taking the train with her into the city ... we were going to hang out and have lunch before she flew home ... I finally got a hold of Karen ... and we made plans to all go out to lunch ... unfortunately her boyfriend was coming along but OK I could deal with that ... again Karen was a no show ... no call on my cell phone ... no answering her cell phone or anything ... that is fucked up ... you don't do that to a friend ...


every once in a while I would call Karen ... leave a message on her machine or maybe get her on the phone for just a minute ... but she never really had time for me ... this is someone I had spent almost 5 months with every single day ... all day long ... she finally called me one afternoon to tell me she was getting married ... of course I was happy for her ... she was accomplishing her life goal ... to be a Mrs. ... I may not like the guy but I was happy for her none-the-less ... well after the wedding was announced her time became even more sparse ...


she had a bachelorette party ... in the city ... that started at 4:30 on a Friday ... I worked till 6:30 out on Long Island ... I was willing to take the train and get out there about 8 at night but no one could tell me where they would be ... Karen told me if I were a real friend I would take the day off [i wasn't in the position to do that] ... when I told her I couldn't she got pissed ... she said if I wouldn't take the whole day off then I should at least take the train up there at 8 and called a list of cell phones she was providing me and hope to find them ...


now I believe I am a good friend ... but no one could guarantee I would find them ... let alone I don't know my way around the city that well ... so once I knew where they were I would have to hope I could figure out how to get there [alone] before they left to head somewhere else ... I wasn't really willing to attempt all this ... so I declined the invitation to the party ... Karen and her friend Liz sent me rude emails ... Liz wrote telling me I couldn't really be that good of a person or friend if I couldn't find a way to share this day with Karen ... Karen wrote me and told me I was being a bitch cause I couldn't be happy for someone else ... it was just insane ... but whatever ... if this is how they felt fine ... they would get over it and once their drunken haze wore off realize it wasn't a big deal that I wasn't there ...


so months later the invitation came for the wedding ... I hadn't talked to Karen at all ... I had called a couple of times and left messages ... I wanted to hear how her plans were coming along and that I had news of my own ... but never got a call back ... so the invitation came address to just me ... not me and a guest [my news was I was living with my boyfriend but she fucking didn't even know I had one] ... and this isn't a chick that was scrimping on the wedding ... her parents are wealthy ... she is their only daughter ... and it was a huge blowout ... and she was inviting me solo ... I didn't know anyone there but her and her friend Liz ... the bride and maid-of-honor ... and I got a solo invitation ... besides the wedding was in New Jersey ... I had trouble driving around on Long Island but to drive to NJ freaked me out ...


I tried to call to tell her I was living with someone and wanted to see if my invitation included a date ... but I didn't hear back from her ... 2 days before the wedding she called and said it would be really special if I could come to NJ the day before the wedding and sleep over at her parents house with her and Liz ... a girls night before she became a wife ... I said ... "ya know Karen I tried to call you ... I live with my boyfriend and I wanted to see if my invitation included him since I knew no one at the wedding and you never called me back ... I also called and left you a message saying I was a little worried driving to NJ alone so if David were invited it would make it a lot easier on me and still you never called back so I RSVP'ed no to your wedding" ...


she told me I was a selfish bitch not sharing this day with her ... how could I be so insensitive and why would it be so important to bring my boyfriend ... that no he wasn't invited and that I should just have the balls to drive out there alone and go to the wedding alone that it wasn't that big of a deal ... this was coming from a woman that couldn't do anything without her significant other ...


I was really crushed to think someone I considered such a good friend acted like this over a guy ... over getting married ...


funny thing is ... Tracy's parents were invited to the same wedding ... they knew the grooms family ... so I still hear gossip ... the groom had been married before and I heard how his mother was bragging that her son was doing it right this time ... his bride-to-be's family was loaded so he would always be taken care of [so crass] ... and I heard all about the wedding from Tracy's mom ... totally over the top and it seemed to be a display of how much money one family could spend on a wedding [and yet I couldn't bring my boyfriend] ...


so Tracy calls me the other day to tell me Karen is expecting twins ... I mean damn ... here Kris is struggling to have one child and she is a good person ... and kind ... and does everything she can for her friends ... she is ALWAYS there for me no matter what ... we have been through everything together and she is still strong and caring ... and here is this bitch that screwed people over in the name of a boyfriend and turned her hostility on others and just became a total bitch and she is expecting twins ... it doesn't seem fair or right ...


I don't know what possessed me to write all this right now ... I guess I am just bummed that the karma spectrum isn't working ... maybe I am just bitter that someone I grew to hate is having twins ... and it just doesn't seem fair ... who knows ... I don't feel I am usually so petty but Karen hurt me ... just doesn't seem right ...