May 6, 1999 |
| Well I did something last night that I kinda wish I hadn't ... of the two guys out there that I would love to go out with ... I told one ... which just makes me feel kinda weird now ... I don't know why ... I just do ... his reaction ... mentioning a big show he is going to later this month ... which even though in the paragraph right above this I said if he did ask me out I wouldn't say no ... but to that I did ... it is a group he is crazy for ... and I have tried that before ... taking someone to a concert for a group I totally dig and it just doesn't mesh well if they don't feel the same ... and it is hard to have a really good time ... besides I didn't know if his reaction was to be nice ... or if he is genuinely interested in meeting me ... ack!! So I figured if I did that ... I might as well try something with the Starbucks guy ... I think today if he is working when I stop to get my coffee ... I am gonna give him my card ... I mean why the hell not ... So job contacts have been pouring in from my friends ... god they all rock!!! ... today I got some from FOX studios ... which could be cool ... I will really do anything that makes me some money ... cause I think tonight I am gonna have to ask my parents for some ... and I hate doing that so much ... I just feel like I let them down when I do ... this time when I start to make some money I am going to utilize my best friend who is a financial planner ... to help me out ... so I won't be broke again ... My house is all clean ... looking pretty spiffy ... and I didn't just throw everything in the closets and under the bed ... I really cleaned up ... my parents will love it I am sure ... especially cause when we all went to my brothers place it was a disaster ... so at least in comparison I look like the neat one for once ... hahahaa what a joke ... I want to leave the camera on when they come over ... but I am not sure how they will feel about that ... although if it is aimed at my desk the only way they will be in a shot is if they actually sit here ... and I don't see that happening ... well I don't have too much more time to write ... I have to go pick up my P.O. box number ... hustle to work ... and then it is home to meet the P's ... hahahhaaa ... what a day ... at least they are staying in Newport tonight so they don't wanna leave too late ... and I am going down Saturday night to spend the night with them and be there for Mother's Day ... there will be a huge sigh of relief when I sign on tonight ... {smile}
Man I have the coolest family ever!! They loved my apartment and after I had giving them the tour ... and we were all sitting down talking ... I said ... ok I gotta tell you all something ... and my brother said "you're gay" ... and I said ... "yes that's it" ... everyone's faces looked strange for a moment ... and I said ..."noooooo but now this is going to be easier than I thought ... I started a live web cam ... and it is on whenever I am at home" ... I told them how several guys I know told me how hard it would be and that I couldn't do it myself ... and when I asked for help ... they implied they would help for sexual favors ... and how upsetting that was ... so much so that I just decided to figure it out one night on my own ... and how easy it was ... and it didn't take me long ... and how it has grown in the month it has been up ... I told them the gallery was filled with cleavage shots ... and the camera catches me in my undies and stuff ... and they were cool ... in fact my dad said ... well now you gotta make money from it ... man they rock!!! Although they did joke it was a soft core porn site ... dinner was totally fun and I am so glad everyone got to be out here at the same time ... we also talked about me leaving school and they were supportive of that too ... my dad helping me figure out how to find a job that I would totally love ... and that if I tried it out here for a while and just didn't find what I was looking for I could always work in Maryland at his office ... he has a woman at his office that is an amazing at customer service person and I could train with her and learn the business ... eventually combining that and computers ... ohhhhh it was a fantastic evening ... and my mom brought me a great mug from the Reagan library with a great quote ... "There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go... if he doesn't mind who gets the credit" ... Ronald Reagan and some cool candles from Mexico ... well I got my post office box today ... the guy was sooooo cool ... I thanked him for doing it so quickly and not making me wait a week ... and he said it was cause I smiled so wonderfully ... and he said if I were ever nervous or anything about going to the box alone ... to just let him know ... just so sweet ... oh and the Starbucks guy wasn't working today ... so I didn't give him my card ... its a shame too cause I was actually done up today ... my mom loves me in make-up so I actually wore it all day ... did my hair ... everyone at work asked me what the special occasion was ... I talked to dawn last night ... her new job sounds wonderful ... and jye is doing great ... she is bring me more pictures to put up on his baby book site ... but I have to say I miss her so much ... work isn't the same without her there ... I need my dawn fix ... I need her laugh to feed mine and vice versa ... hopefully soon we will get the chance to hang out ... and I need to see little jye ... he is the only baby I know that I have been around since gestation ... that is an experience I will always treasure ... hearing about it right after she found out ... and being there every step of the way ... being at the hospital all during labor ... and outside of his mom and dad and the doctor ... being the first to see the angel ... it is something I will treasure forever ...
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