May 26, 1999 | |
| So I guess yesterday was a big day ... everything fell into place perfectly ... now just starts the insane process of packing ... it is kind of a bummer ... cause I was finally starting to feel settled in this place ... but when I think back to when I lived in Kansas ... and in 2 years I moved 6 times ... this isn't so bad ... and my moving date has been settled too ... Kris and Chevy will be out here on June 11th ... we will load up my U-Haul on Sunday June 13th ... and Chevy will drive it out to Vegas ... Kris has a business meeting on Monday, June 14th and after that she and I will drive out to Vegas ... so it is a little less than 3 weeks away ... its seems so long yet so soon ... Kris and I talked forever last night ... and we are both so excited ... I also spent hours checking out the monsterboard last night and there are lots of jobs out there I was interested in ... I am going to start faxing my resume to temp agencies ... and so many of Kris' friends have offered to help me ... letting me work for them till I find something ... it is so great ... it really isn't only what you know ... it is who you know ... and thank goodness Kris knows so many people out there ... and that I know her ... Harley seems to be doing a bit better ... more responsive when I go behind to couch to see him ... but he did throw up last night ... and still won't come when I call him ... I called the vet today ... and the appointment to have him checked out is more than I have ... it is awful to say it but I have 15 dollars in my account until Friday when I get paid ... and they won't let me write a post dated check ... they don't take checks anymore ... so I have to wait till I actually have money in my account ... ya know that just makes me such an awful parent ... that I can't help my cat now ... so I guess I won't be able to take him until Friday afternoon after I deposit my paycheck ... its weird his mouth seems to be doing great ... he even let me open it up yesterday and take a look ... which he never lets me do ... but I guess it is cause it isn't hurting him anymore ... but now he is acting worse than he did when he had surgery ... oh ya know I have gotten a bunch of letters with requests for my new URL when I move ... my site will always be www.lizlive.com ... I own that domain ... wherever I go ... so it will always run from here ... and Kris and I were talking ... she is probably going to hook up internet access at her house ... and even if not ... she is in bed by 9 PM and I am a night owl ... so I will still get to mess around on my computer ... and she knows how addicted I am to it ... hahahaaa ... I just got off the phone with my friend Sean in Kansas ... man I miss him so much ... I have tried roommate situations many times ... and they have always failed ... I have had stuff stolen ... my car crashed ... my video camera broken ... my TV blown up in an electrical storm ... people skipping out on rent and bills ... but once in my life I had the perfect roommate situation ... and that was in Kansas with Kris and Sean ... the 3 of us had a blast living together ... Sean was Aaron's best friend and Aaron was my boyfriend at the time ... it just worked out so well ... and talking to him just now made me miss him sooooo much ... it was with Sean and Kris that we got Harley ... so he was sad to find out about Harley's current state ... I was sad to find out his cat Jose ... who he got after we moved out and who looked just like Harley ... got hit by a car and died recently ... I couldn't believe it when I heard it ... Kris and I have been trying to get Sean to move out this way for years ... he said he would come to Vegas for vacation in august ... which is great cause his and Kris' birthdays are 3 days apart so we could have just one big birthday weekend for the two of them ... and the 3 musketeers would be together again ... he is just one of the sweetest men I know ... I wish we were closer ... when I was in Kansas this summer ... I hung out with him a lot ... and it was just as great as it had always been ... and it felt like we had never been apart ... ohhhh I wish I could get him out of Kansas ... everyone he knows he gone now ... ohhh I am going to send him a letter today ... so he gets something other than bills ... hahahaha like me ... then maybe he will write me back and I can get something I don't dread to open ... I know I said I wasn't going to write about Clint anymore ... but I only have like 3 friends online that I chat with ... so I really miss just talking to him ... everything got just fucked up and out of hand ... but that doesn't mean I wouldn't miss the conversations ... which I really do ... they were something I totally looked forward to ... but alas ... this is how life works ... god I keep looking around my place and thinking about packing ... it is going to be such a nightmare ... I definitely need to thin out my collection of stuff ... starting with my clothes ... I wear like the same 6 things all the time so I don't know why I need so much ... I have trunks full of clothes ... dating back to the 80s that I will never wear again ... but for some reason can't seem to part with ... but I am going to have to ... I don't want to have to move all this crap ... that is for sure ... and this place is so huge ... that I have compiled even more ... geezzzzz!!!! I got the nicest letters from Eric yesterday about my move ... it felt so good ... and helped me in seeing my decision was a good one ... I was worried he would be harsh ... but it was just the opposite ... ohhh I don't think I can express how good it felt ... I think I took some of my friends by surprise ... although they really should expect things like this from me ... it isn't like this is the first time I have done this
well I raced off to take Harley to the vet ... he kept throwing up ... I called Eric and he said he would totally pay for it ... he is being so great to me ... we haven't talked in months it seems and I am so appreciative that he is being so supportive of everything for me ... so I got Harley to the vet ... and she said it is the cancer ... and it is spreading very fast ... I asked her if most people would put their cat to sleep cause of this ... and she said yes ... I broke down in the office ... I told her I was moving in less than 3 weeks ... and she said I would have to put him down before I moved ... she said otherwise the move would be really hard on him and that I may not get a vet I could trust ... she said many out there wouldn't be honest with me ... and would tell me they could cure him and just keep charging me ... she did give him a shot today and some medicine for me to give him ... to hopefully help him a bit ... so he could eat ... and be more responsive ... but that he really couldn't last that much longer ... god there is a huge hole in my heart right now thinking about what life would be without him ... but as my friends and family remind me every day ... he has led a wonderful life ... and is such a great cat cause of me ... cause I gave him so much love ... and that I knew one day he wouldn't be here ... but I just never wanted to face that day ... I had to stop at the store ... and so I decided even though I couldn't afford it ... I wanted a Starbucks ... I was still pretty teary ... my cutie was working ... along with this other guy who has helped me 100 times but never talked to me ... he asked if I had the sniffles ... and I broke down again ... and said I just found out my cats cancer has gotten worse and I am going to have to put him to sleep ... well this guy that has never talked to me before is obviously a cat person ... and totally opened to me ... even bought me my mocha frappachino ... and told me about these cats he found ... that were abandoned ... and found a place that is hand feeding them ... and to let him know if I wanted a new cat ... but I have already decided I am moving ... and I have Kramer ... and Harley really can't be replaced that quick ... I don't want another cat for a couple of years ... I really wanna have Kramer cremated so I can keep him kinda ... fuck I don't wanna do this but I know that I have to ... I know I do ... I would never want him to be in pain ... and that is where he is headed ... I could probably write about him forever ... he is the first indoor pet I ever had ... so there is a real closeness ... but I think that is enough for now ... it is ripping me apart too much ... I can't even keep my eyes open while writing this ... MY GOD HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS ... Eric is going to come over and see him ... it wouldn't be right if he didn't see him again ... even if Eric and I hadn't resumed talking ... I couldn't do this without him seeing Harley again ... Harley loved Eric so much ... and has missed him so much since we haven't been living together ... Harley loves sleeping on an old sweatshirt of Eric's ... so I am definitely having Eric over for dinner and some good quality time with Harley ... ohhhh right now Harley is curled up in a cabinet in the bathroom ... I need to go do something that will take my mind off of all this ... laundry should do the trick ... at least I have some quarters ... I will write more later when my mind is on something else ...
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