A Little Bitter ...

The title of this one started out as "A Little Better" ... but it had to change ... amazing how one letter can change a whole phrase ...

Since Sunday each day I feel a bit better when I wake up in the morning ... the new pain killers certainly help ...

but I am a bit pissed about the whole thing ... I started working out every day ... till what I thought was a backache was just too much to handle ... I quit drinking coffee ... not just Starbucks mocha frappachinos but even coffee at home ... I can't even remember the last time I had coffee ... and I quit smoking ... my last cig was June 27th ... so I am doing all these good things for myself and this happens ...

It has sucked up all my vacation days ... I had been saving vacation days for months and months ... I mean the last time we went away was last summer ... and even then I didn't have to use that many vacation days ... I had 13 days saved up and have had to use 10 of them on this freaking thing ...

Now I am stuck at home and in too much pain to do the things I need to do around my house ... and every day I am scared to open the mail cause I can only imagine how much 2 ER visits plus 5 days in the hospital and an operation that was supposed to take 20 to 45 minutes that took almost 3.5 hours is going to cost ... so the pathetic little vacation to Williamsburg and North Carolina we were planning on taking are going to be totally out of the picture ... not only will we not have the money to do it ... I won't have the vacation days anymore ...

I just feel like I work freaking hard all the time ... always trying to do the right thing ... help everyone I possibly can ... make anyones life I come in contact with a bit better even if it is the very tiniest bit ... and I don't feel like I am catching a break ...

I still don't think I get to do the things I enjoy ... because there are way too many responsibilities that come first ...

the only joy in this whole surgery thing is getting to spend extra amounts of time with Curly Top ... but she knows something is up ... she can tell ...

I need to purge things in my life ... I have to start making lists to figure out where it is happening ...