Sunday, August 31, 2008
Our 50 Things List
Butterflies Everywhere
Skye really really wanted a butterfly to land on her finger ... she watched another little girl get one to walk onto her finger and she thought it was just the greatest thing ... she did get to hold one of the dead butterflies (she didn't know it was dead so she thought it was fantastic) but that didn't stop her from trying to get every one she saw to walk out on her finger ...
She befriended the man that checks you for butterflies before you leave ... he let her sit in his chair while the butterflies swirled around her ... she loved every minute of it ... and so did D and I ...
Now it is a bit of a photo overload ... and can you believe this is only a few of the tons we took ...
Driving Miss Daisy
There is so much of this movie that I absolutely love ... as I sit here and wipe tears from my cheeks ...
Finally Butterfly Time
http://www.mc-mncppc.org/parks/brookside/butterfly.shtm
Saturday, August 30, 2008
When Your Second is Two
Then you tell people you are pregnant with twins and it is a different ballgame ... so far half our relatives have offered to let us move in with them so they can help ... we have gotten phone calls from people who didn't even call us when we got pregnant with Skye ...
The whole thing is just a bit weird ... and I don't think we are over the initial shock yet ... you know we thought having a second kid was going to be much easier than the first because we had all the "stuff" you need for a kid ... now it turns out we need different and more stuff ... it is a little stressing ... I was hoping Skye would move to a booster seat by the time the new baby moved out of the infant seat ... turns out we need another infant seat and another base and will need two more car seats as well ... and that is if Skye is in her booster ... otherwise we will need 4 more car seats ... another high chair ... 2 cribs ... twice the formula and diapers and pail bags ... it just goes on and on ... have to stop myself from thinking about it ...
For right now I am just going to enjoy how excited everyone is ... cause deep down inside we are all excited ... (we being D and I) and eventually Skye will be excited too ... at least that is what I keep hoping ...
So Gross
I was kind of dumb to stay up till 1 AM ... but after our Wizard of Oz rest I wasn't really tired ... I was watching funny movies - My Cousin Vinny & Beverly Hills Cop - and getting some stuff done ... but eventually we went up to bed ...
As we were laying down Curly Top started talking to her self in her sleep ... it was so cute ... then what felt like 10 minutes later (but was really 2.5 hours) she started crying ... it mostly sounded like in her sleep crying that she does ... but D actually got up to go check on her ... and I could hear him asking her if she was alright ...
A few minutes later he came walking into our room with her in his arms ... apparently she got sick ... threw up sick ... so he did a PJ change but said he didn't check her bed ... and tried to wipe her down a bit ...
Let me tell you ... wiping down does not take away throw up smell ... and being pregnant it was the worst smell I could be snuggled up with ... the worst ...
She asked for Little Einsteins ... and of course I am going to oblige to a little one who just puked ... during the show she asked for juice ... OH MY GOD ... the smell when I opened our bedroom door almost knocked me on my ass ... and it just got worse the closer I got to her room ...
I'm not sure how D didn't know - except he probably didn't turn on the light - but it was all over her bed ... and I couldn't just leave it there ... I just knew how bad the smell would be when we got up ... although the most I would do is clean up what I could and put everything on her bed into the laundry basket ...
We watch Little Einsteins and Sesame Street and I think Daddy's snoring was getting to her so she asked if we could go have some apples downstairs ...
So down here we sit ... the smell was getting so bad all over the place that I had to start the laundry ... but now I am trying to bribe my daughter to go take a bath right now ... cause she still smells and it is hard for me to sit next to her ... but she just doesn't get it ... and is pitching a total fit
I just looked over at her ... she is sound asleep on the couch next to me ...
So I thought I lucked out ... I picked her up after falling sleep to lay her down on the love seat ... her bed roll is on there ready for her ... she was so wet through that we went upstairs to change her pull-up and she asked for a bath ... an hour she spent in there with good smelling bubbles and all ... but unfortunately I can still smell the puke ...
Now she is already sound asleep on the love seat ... out cold ... and I am just starving ... so I guess it is time for some cereal for me ...
Friday, August 29, 2008
Nite Nite
So once we got home we were wiped out ... we went up for a family nap ... turned on The Wizard of Oz and snuggled up ... D slept well ... I dozed on and off ... and Skye just can't close her eyes when The Wizard of Oz is on but it is the only way to get her up there ...
Since we had such a lazy end of evening I wasn't in any rush to put Skye to bed ... we were just hanging out and having fun ... when she says ...
"Mommy nite nite"
I asked her if she wanted to go to bed and she said ...
"Pullleeezzzzeeeee"
Well no problem little one ... what 2 year old asks to go to bed ... she was so excited when we got to her room ... whipped her PJs out of the drawer and was ready to jump right into bed ... said "nite nite see soon" ...
It can't get easier than that ...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Our First Ultrasound
I was a bit happy about this because that meant D could come with me ... and for news like this he should be there to see it with his own eyes ...
D Missing Out
But he has very good reason ... he interviewed yesterday at a place where he would really like to work and they are trying him out for the day ... in fact we were up at 4:45 AM so he could get there by 6 and I could get the DVDs done ...
So today it will just be Curly Top and me at the doctor ... I'm hoping I can find a way to keep her distracted ... although I know the nurses are excited to see her ... they made me promise I would bring her today ... little did they know I would have no choice ...
So soon I gotta start drinking the gallons and gallons of water I gotta have in me to be able to see this little bean ... with Curly Top I was bawling by the time they called me ... at least this time it is in my doctor's office instead of having to go somewhere else ...
Curly Top has awoken and let me just say ... today is going to be a HUGE challenge ... she is throwing herself on the couch like a little actress because I don't understand what she is asking for ... she wants to see a bee somewhere ... just not sure what it is ...
wow doctors office and work for a second time this week ... and it is pouring ... this should be a banner day!!!! I am already looking forward to going to bed tonight ... like 15 hours to go ...
A Free Moment
In the last week I have compiled them as a One True Media video with music ... last night I sent the video to my TiVo and am now burning a copy that I can leave in my mailbox for my dad to take to the reunion ... since we are no longer going ...
David and I talked the other night and we just can't afford it ... the cost of gas and food is just more than we can do right now ... which I am very bummed about ... I was looking forward to seeing everyone ... my cousin and I were going to take the kids to Putt Putt ... which Curly Top would love ... and we were just going to get away ... even if only for a few days ... I need a change of scenery ... and I thought it was important to go to the first reunion since my grandmother passed away ... I guess I need to be happy at the fact that we went last year and got to see her one last time before she passed ...
Part of me would really like to be there when everyone watches the video ... it had me bawling it came out so great and I learned so much about my family ... after my mom watched it she called me crying and thanking me for putting it together - even though she really did the majority of the work I just took all her hard work and made it look pretty ...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
No Vacation
If I weren't so cried out ... I could just cry!!!!!!!
Monday, August 25, 2008
No Title
I got home from work at 5:33 this evening ... except for 20 minutes for dinner I have been working on one thing or another ... it is now 11:04 and I am exhaused ... bawling my head off ... and still have many hours of work left but no energy to do it ...
I think life sucks right now ... nothing is going how I wanted it to go ... nothing at all ...
I think is fucking sucks that we've taken no trip ... no break ... no freaking time for family this summer ... all I have done is work work work work work ... on one thing or another or another ...
We shouldn't even be going to the family reunion in NC this weekend ... I don't know how we are going to pay for it ... money is beyond tight right now that I can't even figure out why we wanted to have another child ...
I can't stop crying ... just bawling right now ... to where I can't catch my breath ...
I am overwhelmed ... too many things to do and no time ... I am suffocating ...
I am terribly unhappy with everything outside of my daughter and my husband ... everything ...
I hate my job ... I hate all the side jobs I do ...
I am depressed that in 3 months I will have been at my job 6 years ... that is just horrible ... I didn't even want to be there 2 years ...
And truthfully ... right now ... all I want is a smoke ...
7 Weeks
Heartburn is gone for the most part ... and really no nausea ...
I am having the most vivid dreams ... last night it was about someone giving us this really really long mailbox to mount by our front door ... very odd indeed ...
Know-it-all-not-a-nice-person-at-all
I found out this weekend that my brother-in-law's wife is pregnant ... the 4 of us have kind of a rocky relationship ... the last email I got from my BIL was mean and hurtful and totally uncalled for ... and haven't spoken to him since ... so I was a bit surprised she sent me an instant message ... we chatted for quite some time on Friday night ... and I would be lying if I didn't say the conversation left me hurt and upset ... even today, 3 days later ...
She will be a first time mom ... basically during our convo she let me know I was a bad mom, that they were shocked we were having another kid cause they figured since I didn't have one right away after Curly Top that I was just too old to do it now ... (BTW it is not a medical miracle that I am pregnant - I'm 38) ... that morning sickness hits in week 7 so I will be feeling it soon enough (she is on week 10 today) - even though I didn't have it last time, and didn't feel like I would this time ...
Oh lets just say I could go on and on - her asking me if I was going to take better care of myself this time so I didn't have to go into the hospital and have my baby so early risking my daughters health and life ...
Seriously ... out of all this don't ever say I am a bad mom ... I am the best mom I know how to be and I give everything to my daughter ... she is my life ...
I don't understand how you blame the mom that the baby is big and it is time for her arrival even if it is early ...
Oh man ... ok ... I have to stop ... I'm going to go now and do my 7 weeks post ...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Blocks
As you can see tonight we got to play a lot ... Curly Top took a late nap so she was full of energy and while daddy was out she and I got our "play" on ... coloring ... Little People ... cooking in the kitchen and lastly block ... she just loves all her blocks and was so proud of her tower ...
Man every moment I spend with her is wonderful ... even if she is throwing a tantrum and screaming to when she is yelling "come mommy" and plants a big 'ole kiss on me cause I come with her ... she is just the greatest little thing to come into my life ... I am so so so lucky ...
David always jokes that he wants her to go to college here and live at home forever ... now I know that isn't going to happen but I can't say I would be disappointed if it did ... it brings tears to my eyes when I think about how lucky I am to have her ...
Round and Round and Round
Curly Top is just in LOVE with this spinning top ... she found both the parts tonight and said, "Mommy please ... round and round and round" ... we must have spun that top 30 times tonight ... and she loved every second of it ... she crawled all over the floor following it and cheering with glee "round and round and round" ...
Come Mommy
Come Mommy ... Curly Top's new favorite phrase ... tonight it was to play Little People ... you can see in the background she has them all set up ... and boy did we have a good time!!!
Sunday Brunch
Today we had brunch at my parents house with my brother and his family and Yuto and his family. Yuto and my brother became friends when my brother was a foreign exchange student in Japan ... then in 1991 Yuto and my brother's host brother Tioshi (Yuto's best friend) came to stay with us over the holidays ... it was so great to see him and meet his wife and daughter ...
It was a totally fun morning ...
Mixed Emotions
Naomi stayed up with me and helped me with everything ... which helped tremendously ...
I knew it had to happen yesterday but I kept putting it off ... I didn't want to face it at all ... but the time had come and in the cover of darkness I sat cross legged on my sofa and worked it all out ...
Did I give up?
Did I face reality?
Was it too soon?
Should I have held out?
I just don't know ... I could only do what felt right at the moment ... and saying good-bye felt like the right thing to do ...
Today there has been a sense of relief mixed with the sadness of not in the gearing up mode for the next event ... I met so many great people during this journey ... some I hope to know for a long time ... and I did have great fun while it lasted ...
I guess the bummer is that I didn't fulfill my desire with doing Rock-n-Tot ... I was willing to do all this work ... put everything into it that I could ... not to get rich ... and not necessarily to leave my job ... but really I just wanted to make enough money to take my family on vacation ... and that didn't happen ... I envisioned us taking a cruise and being so excited we had done so much work ... I think that might be what I am most disappointed about ...
6:00 AM
So at 6 I got up and headed in there half asleep ... I rounded the corner to her room to see her sitting on her bed and her little blanket swirled around and on top of her head like a turban ...
Greeted with a "Hi Mommy! New hat! Like?" ...
It was so dang cute ... if she hadn't whipped it off right away I would have found a way to run downstairs, get the camera and get back up to capture that ...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Hair Cut
I am thinking of going back to it being short-ish ... like at my chin line and straight with a "That Girl" flip ... hummmm let's see if I can take a photo of my drivers license and put it up here ... since I don't have a computer hooked up to my scanner ... ahhhh yes it worked ... so I am thinking of doing it more like this ...
And if I cut it like this ... I would be cutting off enough to donate to Locks of Love ... I would have to check ... cause if it was somewhere close I would make sure to wait until it was long enough to do that ...
Friday, August 22, 2008
No Direct Deposit
Wouldn't you know that last week I decided to go into some of our bills ... and set up the date of payments ... and went through and set them up through the end of the year for the days I get my paycheck ... NEVER have I done that ... I've always gone in to pay them manually ... but I thought this was being more responsible ...
And I just checked ... to cancel a payment it has to be at the latest on one of them 24 hours ... most are 48 hours ... so now all of these payments are coming out today and there isn't money to cover them ...
Which means all of them will bounce ... they will suspend being able to auto pay and on 2 of them I will have to go back to writing a freaking check ...
SOOOOOOOOOOO not happy about this!!!!
So much for trying to be responsible ...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Work With Mommy Day
Of course everyone was very excited to see her ... and except for no nap at all she has been very good today ... I mean it wears me out having her here cause it is double duty ... but it is still great getting to spend the whole day with her ...
So she hammed it up all day for the cameras ... just a doll I tell you ... she has really taken to showing off for people ... cracks me up ...
Not Even a Congrats
Not even a congratulations ... way to go ... cool ... right on ... whatever ...
They piss me off so badly ... it is just rude ...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A Bit Depressed
but it doesn't ...
it shows zero promise ...
every month ticket sales have gone down from the previous month ...
I haven't even made a dent in the number of tickets I need to sell to cover the cost of the club ... on top of that is paying employees and buying food and all that stuff ... and this is how it was in May ... which caused me to cancel the May event and then just pull the events for June, July and August ... now September is looking just as dismal ...
And I didn't stop working after the May event was cancelled ... I have worked on this all freaking summer long without a break ... there is always something to be done for RnT ... always ...
So why do I feel guilty that I don't want to do it anymore???????????????
I feel terrible guilt ...
But I can't imagine putting this much into anything and getting nothing back ...
I wanted to do something that I enjoyed and got something out of ... and that could have been financial or emotional ... but I haven't gotten either from this ...
I feel like the only things it has given me is a strain on my family life ... a fractured friendship ... and what feels like a million lost hours ...
I didn't need to prove to myself that I could do this ... I knew that I could ...
But there just isn't enough left in me to give to something that isn't succeeding and just taking away ...
I am just sitting here sobbing at writing this ... there is still tons in me to get out and I just can't ... I am drained ... and sad ... and pissed off ... and hurt ... upset ... disappointed ...
Punk Rock Poncho
So Curly Top lost her mind when I got home ... screaming and crying and wouldn't help clean up and just was basically crazy ... she just wanted to go to sleep ... so shortly after 6 I put her blanket and pillow on the love seat and she was asleep in 2 seconds ... a little after 7 D carried her up to bed ... even changing didn't wake her up ... I did set up her DVD player because if she woke up at 3 in the morning I didn't want her screaming for us ...
I didn't need to worry ... at a little after 8 we heard the Muppet Movie playing ... I went up to see if she wanted to join us downstairs ... it took a bit of coaxing cause who could compete with Kermit the Frog ... but eventually she was ready to come downstairs ... she was even willing to put away a few toys that were the subject of the big breakdown before she fell asleep ...
Well the 2 hour "nap" was really a power nap that made her amazingly chatty and wanting to dance everywhere ... it was actually quite fun ... she ate a bit ... drank a bit ... told us dozens of stories ... practiced ALL of her dance moves ... and even handed out hugs and kisses freely ...
But best of all she kept asking what I was making ... I kept telling her it was her "punk rock poncho" ... she said "thank you" every time ... then held it in her hands and said "ohhhh ohhhh black soft" ... it is going to be so cute when I finally finish it ... she has me all inspired now ...
Excited for David
I am so excited for him ... I know he is going to kick some serious ass and the woman will wonder how she got so lucky to stumble upon him ...
He on the other hand is a bit nervous about it all ... he always gets nervous before a new cooking gig ... I think he forgets how much he excels in the area ... he is amazing ...
I can't wait till he gets home tonight and I hear all about it ... I know it will be simply awesome ...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Moments Before Leaving
Some days I feel like a kid in school watching the clock and feeling like it is moving backwards ...
And the big question is when I finally hit the beltway ... how much traffic will I have to endure today??
IM Update
Letting the Office Know
She looked at my vacation week and said "grrrr" ... then looked at the other one ... had a puzzled look ... and then said, "Oh my God are you pregnant" ...
"Why yes I am!!" ...
Monday, August 18, 2008
Watching the Video
My Favorite In Living Color Clip
I have tired many times to figure out what season it was on ... so I could get the DVD of it ... today I found it on YouTube ... I am so happy about this find and I can't wait till Kris gets home from work so she too can giggle as much as I did ...
A Bit Uncomfortable
6 Weeks
1/2 way through the first trimester ... woohoo
S-C-H-U-Y-L-E-R
This weekend she said each letter before I wrote it ... I was stunned ... I couldn't believe it ... and she did it over and over again ... it was just awesome to watch ...
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Our Wal-Mart Trek
I checked online for a Wal-Mart with a grocery store and there is one 30.99 miles away ... and the road that we would take it is about a 30 minute drive ... (there is one 28.55 miles listed as our closest one but I would have to go on the beltway and it says 45 minutes without traffic so we picked the one 30 miles away) ...
We loaded up with supplies ... drinks ... snacks ... I mean it is a trek to get there ... and actually got the very front parking space ... I couldn't believe it ...
Well we wound up filling up a cart and a half ... you would think we had a family of 6 ... but for a 30 minute drive I wanted to make this trip count ...
Now I am so bummed ... I had saved my last two grocery receipts cause I wanted to compare stuff but I can not find them ... I did find one Giant receipt that includes items we bought today at Wal-Mart ... the difference is crazy ...
The ice cream we love
$3.00 at Wal-Mart and $5.59 at Giant
12 packs of Coke
$4.28 at Wal-Mart and $5.29 at Giant
Hamburger Buns
$1.17 at Wal-Mart and $3.39 at Giant
Potato Bread
$2.87 at Wal-Mart and $3.19 at Giant
Hershey's Chocolate Syrup
$1.17 at Wal-Mart and $2.39 at Giant
Milk, whole and 2%
$3.48 at Wal-Mart and $3.99 at Giant
And when I look up stuff online everything is cheaper ... maybe not a huge difference but at least 50 cents on most things ... I just wish I had a full list to compare ... one biggie ... we love the Bertoli frozen skillet dishes ... but they are so expensive ... and we need two to make enough ... one 24 ounce package at Giant is $7.99 ... Wal-Mart had their own brand that was double the size in one bag and was only $4.37 ... we had the beef stir fry tonight and it was delicious ... filled with veggies and beef and soba noodles ... and it fed my family for $4.37 ...
OK I have gone on and on about this ... but it just goes to prove that where I live everything is so expensive ... I mean right now gas by my house is $.64 more per gallon than it is by my work ... that just isn't right ... at all ...
So I am going to make a twice monthly trek to Wal-Mart for our groceries ... and if we get another fridge/freezer for our basement then I might only have to go once every 3 weeks ...
Cat is Out of The Bag
After they left we gave my brother and sister-n-law a call and let them know as well ... and of course they were happy too ...
Now it is just a matter of letting my work know ... which will be on Tuesday ...