Well it is yet another month that I am not pregnant ... and although I already knew ... I could tell ... it is still very discouraging ... every month I am not pregnant is a month closer to being 40 when I have my next kid ... which I DO NOT want to happen ... I had enough to deal and worry about last time I was preggers ...
I know that expanding the family is more important than my job ... but it would be terribly hard if my due date and maternity leave come around the holidays ... it is really the only time I would be missed from work ... there are 100's of trip rewards I take care of ... and sign-ups for the new year ... being gone in November, December, January or February would just make life miserable for all of 2009 work-wise ... basically if I don't want that to happen I have 3 more months to make this happen ...
Regardless my doctor told me if I am not pregnant by October or November it is time to start seeing specialists ... for both D and I ... another thing that can only put more pressure on me ... and it could mean getting pregnant during that window I was trying to avoid ...
It was so easy for us before ... maybe we just waited too long ... maybe we should have started trying when Curly Top was only a year rather than right before she was 2 ...
I am sure all the regular stress and pressure aren't helping me ... and the stress and pressure to get pregnant don't make it any easier either ... how can it be so different in what seems like just 3 short years ...
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