Well I leave for North Carolina tomorrow night

 

December 22, 1999

Well I leave for North Carolina tomorrow night ... and I probably should have packed today ... but that is just too soon for me ... especially when it doesn't take me that long ... and my flight doesn't leave till 12:30 AM ... I mean Kris is taking me to the airport at 10ish so I have the whole day tomorrow ...  I am going to get my hair cut in the morning ... I want to get bangs ... I think it would look good with the style ... but Kris and my mom both say "no way" ... and "don't come crying to me when you hate it" ... hahahaaa ... so now I don't know ... the only time I have tried bangs is with my hair curly and they suck ... they look horrible ... but with straight hair I think they might be cute ... ahhh I will see what the woman says tomorrow ... who knows ... I mean it will always grow out if I hate it ...  Kris brought my new suitcase over tonight ... my dad picked a rockin one ... I like it ... I just can't decide if I should pack my Christmas gifts or carry them on the plane ... either way they are going to be a pain ... and everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't have wrapped them cause I will probably have to open them ... but with an x-ray I don't know why I would have to ...  I was thinking of staying up all night since I am flying on the red eye tomorrow night ... so I would for sure sleep ... cause I get in Christmas eve morning and we are going to my aunts house ... which is just going to wear me out big time ... it has been years since my whole family was there together ... ack ... hard core visiting ... and that whole ... "why no boyfriend" crap ... ahhh the joy of the holidays ... I will give them only 5 times of "let us fix you up with a nice southern guy so you will move here" before I scream ... for all I know they will have some guy "stop by" for dessert on Christmas eve ... hahahaha ... oh man ... I wish my family would stop thinking they could find me the perfect guy ... I just don't think they would know what I really would like ... I mean really like ... they know me well ... but not that well ... I think I have too kinky of a side for them to figure out ...  I have so many errands to run tomorrow morning ... thank god I don't have a morning flight ... I don't do well with those when I am going somewhere ... when I am coming home I am good at those ... but not leaving home ...  I haven't heard from my friend Devin since he left on his trip ... he said he was taking his lap top ... and we would be able to chat ... but I guess not ... cause no chatting or email since he left ... kinda bummed about that ... but I guess he hasn't been able to connect or just having so much fun doesn't wanna waste time online ... I am kind of looking forward to 4 days online free ... we are hooking my grandmother up with a computer for Christmas ... but I won't be hanging out online ... got a book I have been dying to read ... so I will hopefully finish it while I am gone ...  I haven't heard from Eric again either ... but it isn't a big deal ... if he were at home I would be bummed out but I know he is busy and visiting his parents and doesn't have any privacy ... and when I get back from my trip he will be back in Maryland ... so I will see how everything goes then ... I don't wanna be hyper ... cause I actually dig him and how often does that happen ... {smile} ...  I have been wondering about taking the cam to the New Year's Eve party I am going to ... seems kind of like a pain in the ass ... not sure I want to do it ... I would like to have all the pictures from it ... and if I can get my old computer working I may do it ... but I don't know ... shit I don't even wanna go to the party ... I would love to just hang out here ... watch movies ... actually if I could have my choice of things to do as it turned to 2000 it would be to be having great sex ... what a way to bring in a new year ... but without that being an option ... and my friends wanting to be with me ... I will be going to the party man I should be getting to bed ... I must vibe out before I go to sleep cause I don't think I will be getting a chance to do it for the next 4 days ... and ya know when you can't do it is when you want to ...  shit the longer I stay up the more I wanna have sex ... I need to just get to bed ... it is making me crazy ... and I am much better off when I am not crazy ... in my chat room tonight someone said ... "a hard man is good to find" ... I wish I could find those goods ... {grin} ...

Right now is one of those times I wish I didn't have a public journal

 

December 21, 1999

Right now is one of those times I wish I didn't have a public journal ... I even debated getting out the one I used to hand write in to start writing in again ... but then I knew I would never write here anymore ...  and I have written so much here how could anything be a big deal anymore ... so I guess it is all hanging out already ... what's a little more ...  I started out the day kinda bummed ... I wrote Eric an email when I got home from the airport yesterday ... and he had read it and hadn't responded ... I know he is visiting his family ... but shit with my past history of meeting guys ... I just get a little nervous ... but I had a ton of things to do today so I really couldn't dwell on it ...  I gathered all my stuff together ... laundry ... Christmas gifts ... wrapping paper and ribbons and headed out ... of course as soon as I left the house cramps kicked in ... big and bad ... fuck I hate being a woman sometimes ... I don't think any guy has any idea what it is like having cramps ... and I will tell you this I am sick of them making suggestions as to how to relive the pain ... fuck that ... it is a good thing I don't have a gun in the house cause there has been more than 30 times in my life where I have thought it would be a lot less painful to blow my fucking head off than to sit here with cramps ... like right now as I am writing this ... I am actually seeing color spots ... like when a flash goes off ... cause my stomach hurts so bad ... right now is one of those times I would like to blow my head off ... and I would do it with a smile ... I should be somewhat thankful ... or maybe the people around me should be ... I don't get bitchy or anything ... I am just in pain ... if anything I usually want to be left alone ... which is a good thing ... cause I have known some women who are evil during their periods ... but fuck the pain is just unreal right now ... I am actually becoming dizzy ... anyway ...  I went by Blockbuster and picked up "American Pie" ... then to Starbucks to get my dad's Christmas gift ... then to Kinko's to make a couple more CD covers ... then I took back my cute PJ's to Old Navy cause even though I am going to a PJ New Years Eve party ... I don't really need new PJ's ... I mean shit why not be comfortable in a pair of my huge flannel ones ... it is a couple's party ... it isn't like I am going to be hooking up or anything ... and got my mom and brother stuff there instead of keeping my PJ's ... then stopped at Starbucks for a coffee with an extra shot ... hoping the caffeine would help the cramps {fuck I will probably get 50 letters telling me not to have caffeine ... but if people think about it caffeine circulates the blood which means it doesn't intensify where the pain is ... just like with a headache ... caffeine always helps} ... and then headed to Kris' after we unloaded my car and got my first load of laundry started she and I went to Capriotti's to get dinner for her, me and Chevy ... man they have the best sandwiches in the world ... its too bad my stomach hurt so much cause I would have enjoyed it more ... then after dinner the wrapping began ... which rocked cause I love wrapping gifts ... and while I did that Kris did my laundry for me ... which rocked cause she hates wrapping gifts and I hate doing laundry ... all the while we watched American Pie ... which just rocks ...  after everything was finished I finally headed home ... and actually got all my shit back upstairs ... I checked my email and was happy to find a quick note from Eric ... to be honest I was totally happy to hear from him but still my doubtful side felt a little unsettled ... I work hard at not letting past experiences ruin my future ... but it is always there in the back of my mind ... but he is busy ... and with family ... and I honestly have too much time on my hands ... and think too much ... besides I have so much to do before my trip ... I am putting it all out of my mind ...  fuck my cramps just get worse and worse ...  and on the subject of things that piss me off ... why the fuck do people write me and ask me why I don't have a boyfriend or why I sleep alone ... even people I know in person ask me shit like that ... what the fuck am I supposed to say to that ... I mean geezzzz ... there is no answer for that ... no answer at all ... I mean I can ignore all the emails asking me that ... but when people I hang out with ask me ... what the hell ... ACK!! just makes me so mad ... and I am about to embark on a 4 day trip of everyone in my family asking me ... I can already hear my aunt ... "move to North Carolina Liz we will fix you up with a nice Southern boy" ... and my grandmother asking if I will ever get married ... ohhh yea this is just what I need ... ahhh man I need to just get away from everything ... clear my head big time ...  really if I had that gun right now ... BAM ... out of my misery ...  today is my friend Brian's birthday ... but ever since he moved from Arizona I haven't known how to get a hold of him ... and I just hate missing his birthday ... he isn't too keen on birthday's so I always send him a Winter Solstice card ... I don't even have his parents address anymore ... I should start searching the internet ... it is how I found him in Arizona ...  well I Love Lucy just came on ... think I will sit back ... read my cards ... and watch Lucy ... its a good one too ... Bob Hope guests stars ... man I don't know how I am ever going to get to sleep tonight ... I think I might have to take some Excedrin PM even though it is quite late which means I will sleep in quite late tomorrow ... but I guess that isn't a big deal ... I just have to clean house tomorrow and start getting my stuff ready for my trip ... at least I have a first class seat to look forward to ... what a treat ... man my parents rock ... woohoo!!!

A part of me really doesn't want to write

 

December 20, 1999

A part of me really doesn't want to write about my meeting at the airport today until I talk to Eric ... but then a bigger part of me wants to get all my feelings down before I talk to him ... I had such a wonderful time meeting him ... really wonderful ...  I was nervous all day till I saw him get off the plane ... I have met so many people and don't really get nervous before hand anymore but today I did ... but a smile exploded across my face when I saw him walking off the plane ...   we spent his two hour layover talking ... touching ... laughing ... kissing ... and smiling ... it went by so fast ... it makes it hard now that we don't live close ... yet ... but it makes the prospect of moving to Maryland more exciting ...  I told him how in the past I have been blown off by people who I thought enjoyed meeting me and were interested ... he said he was surprised and would never blow me off ... I really really hope he is as interested in me as I am in him ... but if he isn't I hope he can tell me so ... and not just blow me off ... although he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would be rude to someone ... he is honest and up front in everything we have talked about so far ... I wouldn't expect anything different now ...  while he was messing around with my digital camera ... giving me a little present ... I slipped a copy of the cd I made into his bag ... {smile} ... I took it along in case I liked our meeting ... I wanted to leave him with a little something ... so hopefully he has a cd player with him on his trip ...  anyway around 3 he had to get on his plane ... and I decided to go to Delta and pick up my ticket for my trip at Christmas and when I talked to the guy he said my ticket had been canceled ... and they couldn't get me on another flight ... so I called my mom to see what was going on she was on the phone with the airlines forever ... and I just had to wander around the airport ... oh and looking at my groovy pics on my digital camera ... finally an hour and a half later everything was straightened out ... kinda nice having a dad who had flown over a million miles on Delta ... they took care of everything and got me my original flight back ... and still in first class ... which the guy at the counter had told me I wouldn't be able to get back in first class ... so that all rocked ... then unfortunately it was 5 and the traffic was horrible ... took me about 40 minutes to get home ... but boy was I glad when I finally got home ...  I also got all my Christmas presents mailed today ... so I hope they get there in time ... cause people are just now getting my cards and I mailed them on the 15th ... quite a bit of time ... but I know it is the busiest time of the year for mailing stuff ...  I think I am going to read my cards now and see what they say ... man I am feeling like a dork ... but in a good way ... makes me giddy ... hahahahaa which in the end is a good thing ... and tomorrow American Pie comes out on video ... woohoo ... I just love that movie ...

My mood has gone downhill fast

 

December 12, 1999

My mood has gone downhill fast ... and I can almost guarantee this is going to be a very negative journal entry ... so just a warning ... to remind me not to reread it if I am in a good mood  I always learned as a child ... "actions speak louder than words" ... and deans actions are yelling at me loud and clear ... he doesn't give a fuck about me or how I am living ... and he can say he is broke till the cows come home ... but when ya go to LA for the weekend to party with friends ... and you have a big trip planned for Australia ... it is bullshit ... and it is pissing me off ... I know he paid my rent this month ... but that isn't my whole paycheck ... I have no food left in my house but some ice cream ... and I scrounged up 1 dollar the other day so I could get 3 frozen burritos ... which I just finished the last one a few minutes ago ...  I don't think he gets it that I have no savings ... and no credit cards ... what he gives me is all I have to live on ... in a couple of days my electricity is going to be turned off ... I owe $150 but if I pay $100 I can save it from being shut off ...  I have been avoiding his phone calls since last night ... cause I am so fucking pissed off at him I don't even wanna hear his voice ... the one time I did talk to him today he told me he thought he got two more job contracts for us ... just has to put together a proposal but still no mention of giving me the rest of my money ... and ya know he leaves on the 20th and gets back on the 6th from Australia ... well I get paid on the 20th and the 5th ... even though my rent is due no later than the 4th ... and I just know he is going to leave without giving me at least my rent ... let alone anything else to live on ... and I have to say I have asked over and over and over again to be paid ... which even though I am owed the money ... it is really hard for me to do ... it is probably my biggest weak point ... getting money from people who owe it to me ... so I have just stopped asking ... he knows he owes it to me ...  and I am so tired of my friends feeling responsible for me ... I know how sweet they all are ... but it makes me feel worse every time someone pays for something for me ... who knows when I can repay the kindness ... and I hate owing people money ... I have owed Eric $60 forever ... and now I owe Kris at least $100 although it will be really hard getting her to take it from me ... cause she knows better than anyone what my situation is like    she just took me to the store and bought me some pot pies and a pack of smokes ... I know if there is any time I should quit smoking is now ... but then I think I am so bummed out and frustrated ... that giving up smoking right now would send me into a tizzy ... one that I just can't handle ...  ya know Kera talked to Dean today and he asked her if she had talked to me ... she said yes ... he asked if I seemed depressed ... and she said I totally was ... he then proceeded to say to her "well if it is a matter of money that is easily solved" ... but when we spoke ... even when I told him I had no money at all ... he said nothing and had to get off the phone ... if he was a man and cared anything at all ... he would have brought me a check today ... the fact that he hasn't just shows me what he is all about ...  besides not being able to get my family and friends anything for the holidays ... which upsets me ... and not having money to mail my Christmas cards ... there are two things I like to do this time of year that I can't do this year ... go through my clothes and donate what I don't need to charity and send service men holiday cards ... last year was the first time I did it ... I was stuck at home with a broken leg ... all alone and it made me feel so great ... besides being able to brighten up others days while they were away from their family ... and the clothes ... well tomorrow I am going to a place with kera that buys old clothes and resells them ... hoping to get a little bit of money ...  I did make a deal with my parents today ... and as much as I don't wanna do it I will have to ... if dean hasn't paid me all he owes me by the 19th I have to quit ... and if I quit my parents will pay my rent till they move into their new house ... and if by that time I haven't found a job that can support me I have to move into their basement apartment in Maryland ... I love them dearly ... but don't wanna move back in with them ... fucking spend my 30th birthday at their house where I know no one ... god I am going to start crying again thinking about it ... I like that my mom and I talk on the phone several times a day but I don't wanna live there ... at all ... as shitty as that sounds ... I have no problem moving somewhere where I know no one ... done it a hundred times ... but when it is living with my mom it is so hard to even meet people ... with her always telling me what I need to do to meet a man or trying to fix me up all that shit ... they may know me better than most people know their children but they don't know me that well ... not well enough to chose a mate ...  god I have been working on this all day long ... I think I just had a lot to get out ... mostly bitching but then what is a journal for if I can't unload my soul ... in fact my chest hurts now thinking about all that is stressing me out ... so many people I know right now are going through all sorts of shit ... so I hate to burden them with my problems ... the one thing I love about my journal ... it is always listening ... and I can be bitchy or a baby or a dork or happy ... doesn't matter ... cause it is my space and my thoughts ...  I am talking with someone in my chat room that has given me more motivation to find a way to send service men holiday cards ... I will have to find a way ... even if it means hocking stuff till I can buy it back ... hahahahaaa although I don't think I have much of any value ... but I am sure there is a way to do it ...  ok I just feel drained now ... I have no more to write even though there is still stuff on my mind but I am so cold I just wanna soak in a hot bath for a while before I have to go through my closet and find some clothes to sell ... and start applying for jobs since I just redid my resume ...

Well I redid my online resume and it came out so great

 December 9, 1999

Well I redid my online resume and it came out so great ... I have learned so much since the last time I did my resume ... I am just so proud of it ... and so happy about it ... now I am ready to start applying for jobs ... wooohooo

Kris is really sad that I want to go to London ... and thinking about leaving her makes me really sad too ... but we both know I have to do whatever is best for me ... and ya know my mom and I were talking about it ... what if ... just by chance ... I stayed cause I wanted to be close to her ... and she was offered a great job in another state ... she would have to go ... she wouldn't stay cause I was here ... and that would really bum me out ... I know she has a house here and stuff ... but for a good job ... you sell and move on ... and I would hate to regret not trying this ... 

besides everyone else is so psyched about the idea ... my mom and I can't stop talking about it ... even my dad and I talked about it tonight ... and my friend Hazen is totally excited ... he has never been to Europe ... and is doing well at his business now and will totally plan an extended trip while I am there ... he and I would be pretty great travel partners ... and I just love him so dearly ... he is such a good friend ... and even if he is far away ... is always there for support ... and ya know when I was living in North Carolina he drove out from Kentucky to visit ... and soon after I moved out here he flew out for a visit ... tonight we were talking about London and both of us go sooooo excited ... 

this afternoon I talked to an old friend of mine ... Joe who I met the second time I lived in NC ... he is such a sweetheart ... calls me every year on New Years Eve ... except last year ... I was a bit transient and we lost touch ... but it was so great to hear his voice ... I love talking to him ... and just says the nicest things to me ... and uses the sweetest pet names ... just makes me smile talking to him ... and now with email and the fact that we found each other again ... I am hoping we talk more ... he is in VA ... and I am hoping I get to see him on a trip to my parents soon ... 

I also got an email from my friend Jordan ... who I knew when I lived in Kansas ... he is married now and expecting his first child in April ... man I love the holidays ... everyone gets in touch with those they have lost touch with ... he and I probably haven't talked in 4 or 5 years ... and I am working harder at keeping up my correspondence ... I get bad at it at times and I don't want that to happen anymore ... 

I woke up this morning and found Kramer sleeping on my computer monitor ... he usually sleeps with me but now I am understanding why the cam is always knocked down ... it is warm up there ... and my apartment is freezing all the time ... and he was really knocked out ... didn't even hear me come in ... I scared the shit out of him ... and last night it was so funny ... he was messing around in a plastic bag and got stuck in it ... it was so damn funny I couldn't contain myself ... and the more he moved around the more the bag made noise the more it freaked him out ... and he wouldn't let me help him take it off ... I was dying ... eventually he got the bag off and had to recoup in the closet for a while but man I wish I had had a video camera ... that could have won me some money on funniest videos ... 

we were supposed to go out tonight for Chevy's birthday but I couldn't afford it and Kris and Chevy weren't too much in the mood to go out on a weeknight ... so we all blew it off ... I feel bad but maybe we will go out tomorrow ... definitely a sober night for me with no money but I just wanna hang out with them ... 

well I am going to get my car tomorrow morning ... so I should head off to bed ... I stayed up way too late last night ... and kera had a big date tonight and I know I will get a call as soon as she is up cause I wanna hear all about it ... 

and I need rest cause tomorrow is the big computer change over ... wooohoo ... about time huh?? ... I can hardly wait ... {smile}

Today started the I Love Lucy marathon on Nick at Nite

 December 6, 1999

Today started the I Love Lucy marathon on Nick at Nite ... woohoo a whole week of I Love Lucy ... 4 hours a night ... ya can't beat that ... especially when all the shows on TV are reruns and not reruns I like as much as I Love Lucy ... 

So they said my car was going to be ready this afternoon but then they never called me ... man what a pisser ... it is driving me crazy ... but I did confess something to my mom today ... the money they gave me for my car insurance I spent ... and I have been dreading telling them ... but I really make next to nothing and it helped out in the bills area of my life ... my mom was so cool about it and didn't get mad at all ... thank goodness ... I have been so worried to tell her ... but since my registration has expired in Cali as soon as I get my car back I have to register it here and to register it you have to have Nevada insurance ... so if I am going to get it back soon they needed to know ... and I feel so much better telling her ... I wish they knew about the site so I didn't have to always worry about that ... but there is nothing I can do about that now ... 

I also told my mom about a job I applied for ... and get this it is in Diamond Bar, California ... which is where Eric and I lived ... it pays almost double of what I make now ... for doing less than I do now ... now I love working for Dean ... and in my application I told them I just moved from there and would love to work from home and would be willing to pay to commute out there for meetings and the like ... but that if the only way to have the job would be to live out there I would make the move again ... Kris was really upset when I told her ... and I am upset thinking about it ... but I am not making it money wise here ... at all ... and I need to be above the poverty level ... {smile} ... Dean also said if I took the job and moved out there ... I could keep the job with him which means financially I would be doing pretty well ... something has to happen cause in February I have to start paying my student loans back ... and I don't have the money at all ... its like 250 a month ... FOREVER ... 

so Dean picked me up this morning and we went for coffee and then by Jason G's office ... to see how he is doing ... he kept looking at me kinda funny ... I was wearing my Porn Star hat but that wasn't it ... then he said ... ya know the other night we all checked out your site and I just can't look at you the same ... Dean and I started cracking up ... he said I was looking at one pictures and said ... ahhh is this Liz with a dildo ... his roommates looked and said ... ahhh yes it is ... so I feel kinda weird ... not that I care I don't hide the fact that I masturbate ... but it is weird when people have trippy reactions to the site ... I hate making people uncomfortable ... but I am sure he will be alright ... hahahaa

after visiting with Jason G. Dean and I went by Kris' work and all of us went to lunch at McDonalds which I was happy about cause I am loving the Toy Story Happy Meal toys ... I have two so far so I am working on the collection ... I just love them ... there are a ton so I doubt I can eat there that often ... but they are fun none the less ... and a happy meal is the perfect size for me ... {smile} ... 

I have still been uploading ... going on two days straight ... but I am close to finishing ... thank goodness and then I will be able to use my new computer ... but then again it will take another 2 days to download everything to that computer ... 

tonight Kris was taking me to Best Buy cause my printer isn't working and I thought I needed a new ink cartridge ... when I opened my door I found a note taped to it ... and eviction notice for non payment of rent ... now Dean paid my rent this month since I haven't gotten a paycheck yet ... so I was kinda freaked out ... I called him and he said he would check on it ... when I got home I called him and he was telling me the bank said a check bounced ... and he wouldn't have money till Friday ... but I didn't freak out at all ... there was nothing I could do ... I was more pissed that my printer wasn't working ... it acts like it is working but nothing shows up on the page ... Dean kept going on and on asking if I was just going to let them evict me ... and I said well I guess I have to ... finally he said ... well damn it I was trying to get you and you don't even care ... I started laughing ... I said ... didn't Kris tell you it wouldn't phase me ... if there is nothing I can do about something then I don't let it bother me ... he was so bummed ... I called Kris and she knew he was going to do that ... and she said ... I thought of telling you so you could freak out and make Dean happy but then I thought it would be better to pull one over on him ... it was pretty funny ... I just think they didn't realize it was my check ... even though I put the apartment number and stuff on the check but it wasn't from me ... so I just have to go in there in the morning and straighten it all out ... I am sure it won't be a big deal ... poor Dean ... he really wanted to pull one over on me ... and it didn't work ... 

So Dean was meeting Chris and John at Kinko's to work on business cards ... and I needed to print out my holiday postcards ... so he came and picked me up ... my cards turned out great I am so excited ... and it was so cheap ... 3.50 for 80 cards ... can't beat that even though I will never need that many ... 

so as I have been watching the Lucy marathon there is a Lucy contest ... I need to go to Nick at Nites site and check it out ... cause I gotta win ... a Lucy contest ... how cool is that ... I also gotta find out the details ... but it includes a trip to New York ... wooo hooo and 1000 dollars ... could totally use that ... 

I thought there was something else I wanted to write about but can't think of it now .... ohhhhh wait ... Kera is coming home tomorrow ... I can hardly wait ... too bad she wasn't here all this time that I have been uploading stuff and couldn't do much work anyway ... but it will be fun to hang out even if it won't be for long since she is moving soon ... who knows I may be too if I get this job ... but for now ... it is off to dreamland ... ahhh I have been looking so forward to sleep lately ... 

ohhh tomorrow is Chevy's birthday ... can't wait to give him the kick ass t-shirt I got him ... and we are going to dinner at Outback ... I love it there and haven't been in ages ... it is going to be a fun night ... I am totally looking forward to it ... 

ok ... now it is dreamland time ... my house is clean which means I will sleep even better as weird as that sounds but it is the truth ...

Today is my dad's birthday ...

 November 22, 1999

Today is my dad's birthday ... 

I woke up this morning to the sound of dean messaging me over and over and over again ... it pissed me off so I grabbed the phone to call him and ask why he didn't just call me ... only to hear nothing ... so I went in the other room and picked up the phone to find nothing ... I got on the computer and asked dean if he had called me and he said ... "yes but it is disconnected" ... I was pissed ... not what I needed

so he came and picked me up for coffee ... and we met Kelly ... Jason G.'s girlfriend ... had a great time ... then dean took me to cash my paycheck {finally} ... and we went to Sprint to pay my phone bill ... after that we went to The Bagel Cafe to meet Kara and Greg ... which was totally fun ... I adore both of them ... even if I know Kara better than Greg and I don't even know her that well ... well it turns out they had read my journal and saw how badly I wanted to go to Limp Bizkit and Greg has extra tickets and said I could buy some from him ... YEA YEA YEA YEA ... so that means I get to go tomorrow night ... I almost peed in my pants ... I was supposed to talk to him tonight but didn't get the chance ... so I hope everything works out ... 

well after lunch dean dropped me off ... and I worked for a while ... not too much today ... wooohooo ... when Kris got off work she picked me up and we went shopping for a bit ... I got some great new pj pants ... 2 pairs ... and two new shirts ... a new hat and a groovy night light ... total score ... well Kris had gotten a message from Jessica that she was all bummed out and at Boomerangs ... so we headed there ... 

and wound up having a blast ... got a little buzzed ... won a cool broncos baseball cap ... and had fun with my friends ... and we came up with an amazing idea ... ya know I don't wanna do anything for New Years ... but they want me there ... so we decided if I was going to be there we should bring my computer over to Jessica's house that day ... WITH THE CAM ... and broadcast the New Year's Eve party ... I think I will even try and up the cam speed that night ... which I think is just going to be so cool ... and we will have all these candid pictures from the evening ... I am so excited ... I just gotta find internet access by then ... god it is going to rock ... so now Kris and Jessica are happy cause I will be there ... and I am happy cause the cam is going to capture it all ... it is really going to be great ... so now I guess I am going out on new years ... 

so while at Boomerangs I met this guy Que ... he was cool ... we talked a bit and I gave him my web address and phone number ... well when I walked in the door my phone was ringing ... it was him and asked if I wanted to hang out and mess around ... of course I said yes ... so he came over ... and as he was checking out my site we started making out ... I was all excited cause I have been aching to have sex and he was pretty cute ... took us only moments to go to the bedroom ... and I'll say he fit in me perfectly ... but I wasn't kidding when I said guys say they wanna have sex all night ... and 20 minutes later it is all over ... I had a great time but I liked having sex with him and would have loved a lot more ... one bummer ... when we first started having sex he said ... "I love full figured women" god I fucking hate that ... I went shopping tonight ... everything I tried on fit great and I bought shirts that were a large ... that isn't full figured ... I wasn't in the plus size ... but oh well I put it out of my head cause I was having fun ... he lives in Cali ... and travels out here a bunch ... so who knows ... could be the perfect bed buddy ... or could have been a great one night stand ... 

there is one thing I kinda need to go off on ... I love giving head ... and do it more than willingly ... it is great fun for me ... but why don't guys return the act ... I've wondered if I am gross but I look at beaver shots all day for work ... and in comparison mine is awesome ... all shaved ... {god ok I am now thinking of deans friends reading this and am dying but it is on my mind} ... and it is truly beautiful ... so I don't get it ... man that is the best way for me to cum ... and I can't tell you how infrequently it happens ... it is just a pisser ... I am sick of hearing guys complain that girls doing give head ... and then the same guys don't do it ... big whatever on that one ... {all I can picture is Kara reading this and dying ... hahahahahaa I have to forget that people read this journal ... as hard as that may be for me to do} ... hahahahaaa oh I am cracking myself up now ... on that note I should get some sleep cause I gotta clean my house ... do tons of work ... pack and go to Limp Bizkit tomorrow ... ahhhhh I love the roller coaster of my life!!

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong

 

November 17, 1999

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong ... and yesterday I was TOTALLY wrong ...  I got a really nice letter from Todd tonight ... explaining how busy his life and work schedule have been ... and that he hasn't even talked to his mom in a month ... and that he would still like to hang out sometime ...  as I was reading the email I got an instant message from him and we chatted for a bit ... and he wasn't upset that I had gone off in my journal ... and I wasn't upset that I hadn't heard from him ... so after all that it left me with a good feeling ... as he was signing off he said ... "we'll talk soon" ... which I love ... that is completely no pressure or expectation ... ya gotta love that ...  so today Dean, Kara, Chris, John and I went to AdultDex ... which was pretty cool ... kinda cheesy but found some great stuff for work ... had some fun ... as Dean, Kara and I were leaving this guy came up to dean and said ... "you must be the luckiest guy in the world to be here with these 2 beautiful women ... how do you do it?" and I looked at Kara and said ... "he pays us!!" we all started laughing ... cause I do work for dean ... so he does pay me ... and then the guy looked at me and said ... "ya know what on a scale of 1 to 10 you are definitely an 11!!" ... of course I got a huge smile on my face even if he was some drunk Vegas gambler ... then he looks at Kara and said ... "not that I don't find you attractive but I go for the heavier set women!!" ... my smile turned to scorn ... we all giggled since I have been so depressed and as our car pulled up dean looked at the guy and said ... "ya know you should have stopped while you were ahead" ...  now before all that happened ... Kara and dean were at the valet window and I walked on over to where you get your car ... I struck up a conversation with these two guys who were waiting for their car about AdultDex and told one of them that I ran a cam site ... and gave him my card ... well when Kris and I got back from coffee there was an email from him ... asking when we were going to see each other again ... which I thought was pretty bitchen ...  man am I starting to sound like a manic depressive or what ... I am not ... I know life goes in waves ... and I can't say I am completely over being bummed about stuff ... but it is funny ... my friend Lem wrote me a letter today telling me he knows me well ... and my life goes up and down ... just like everyone else's ... and next week I will wonder why I even wrote last nights journal entry ... little did he know I would be thinking that today ...  I am still kinda stressed about missing a period ... but this site is amazing ... I got 3 letters from doctors today telling me that stress often causes people to be late or miss periods ... which I know ... its just weird ... I have been WAY more stressed at times in my life than I am now ... and never missed ... I am kinda happy I haven't been having regular sex (well not that happy but ya know what I mean) ... cause then I would have something to worry about ... but I am sure it is just cause I have been sooooo stressed and not taking much time to relax in my life ... which I am going to try and do ... I just need to figure out how ... I know that unless someone is over ... I can't relax at home cause there is always work to do ... there is one thing I want to do ... Limp Bizkit and System of a Down are playing at The Joint next week and I really want to go ... Dean said he will try and get me tickets ... now I just gotta find a date that wants to go see those 2 bands as badly as I want to ...  oh man I almost forgot ... Kris called me at like 7:30 this morning from the hospital ... she woke up and her foot was TOTALLY swollen ... and it turned out she had a stress fracture on the ball of her foot from hiking this last weekend ... so she has one of those Velcro casts to her knee ... which is lucky cause she can take it off to take a shower ... that was the worst part about having a cast on my leg ... not being able to take a shower ... she made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon and I have my fingers crossed that everything will be alright ...  I must say I have gotten some of the nicest letters about my last journal entry ... there are so many sweet and kind people out there I feel so lucky to have them as a part of my life ... the support circle this site has brought me is amazing ... I don't know what I would do without it ... I really am so lucky ...  and ya know I have been dying to write about something but I haven't asked the people concerned if they mind ... cause I know not everyone knows yet ... so I will just say this ... two of my friends that have been dating forever are getting married ... I am so excited for them ... and it is so groovy being one of the first to find out ... weddings are just exciting ... period ... it is such a joyous time ... when you are surrounded by everyone you love ... part of the reason I wanted to be a wedding planner ... all the weddings I worked on just kept me smiling all day ... so I am just so excited for them ... {smile} ... yea yea yea!!! something else special happened today ... my old roommate Sean who still lives in Kansas, was in the office a bunch today and we got to spend a while emailing each other back and forth ... it was so fun ... I hope it motivates him to get a computer for home ... cause I just love him so much ... it was funny he checked out my site and wrote me saying ... "nice boobies Liz" ... and I said ... "all that time we lived together and you just now get to see my boobies" ... and he said ... "well there was that one time when you fell asleep in the tub and I walked in" ... hahahahaaa ... ohhh I just love Sean so much ... I wish I could get him to move out here ... maybe someday ... Kris and I are trying to get him to come out for new years ... and I know he will love it and want to stay ... {smile} ...  well with all this excitement I can feel the beginning of a headache approaching ... that shinny spot in my vision that reminds me of the aftermath of a camera flash ... so I better just spell check this puppy and wrap it up for the evening ... I am sick of looking at porn today anyway ...

It has been sometime since I have written

 

November 12, 1999

It has been sometime since I have written ... but I just haven't been feeling myself at all ... Monday I guess it was I went to the hospital ... what a horrible experience ...  Dean took me to the hospital cause after talking to my mom I thought I might have a problem with my appendix ... I hadn't been able to stay off the toilet for 3 days ... I hadn't eaten much of anything ... and my stomach was just killing me ... I got to the hospital at 10:30 ish and they took me back to a bed a little after 11 ... at 12:30 someone finally came back to see me ... and I realize I was at the hospital but there was no one there ... I walked past the rooms and in all of them together there were only 3 of us ... counting me ... so I have no idea what the hell was the problem ... I was laying in the bed shaking ... rocking ... crying ... and I wouldn't put the gown on cause I had on 2 sweaters and was still really cold ... the nurse came in and took my temp ... which was still 102 ... and took my blood pressure ... at 1 the doctor came in ... he asked if I wanted something for the pain before he even asked what was wrong with me ... I told him I was not some junkie looking for drug I was honestly sick ... he said the nurse was going to put in an IV cause I was dehydrated and take some blood for some tests ... that fucking IV hurt SO bad I screamed ... and needles don't bother me ... I have had IVs and they aren't supposed to feel like this ... I was bleeding everywhere while he took the blood then he hooked up the IV bag ... it took about an hour for it to drain all the way ... and it hurt the whole time ... and when it was finished I started bleeding ... it was coming up the IV and out the needle puncture ... now I am so happy I wore a watch ... cause I sat up in bed and yelled ... loud ... for 15 minutes for someone to come and help me and no one would stop ... I felt like I was a heroin addict and no one cared ... I eventually got up and pulled the IV into the hall and yelled ... "could someone please come and help me here" ... finally my nurse came in and he cleaned everything up but wouldn't take the IV out ... he left and I lay there still in a lot of pain ... but my arm was starting to hurt more than my stomach ... and I couldn't take it ... again I yelled for 15 minutes ... when I went to get up I moved my arm wrong and started bleeding again ... I couldn't take it so I walked to the nurse station and saw my doctor sitting there with his legs on the counter playing some game ... I went up to the first nurse I saw and said could you please come and help me ... take this fucking thing out of my arm it is killing me ... he told me to go to my room and he would be in in a minute ...  well he walked into my room with a bag that had my blood samples in it ... when he took out the IV I said I am going home ... it is 4 in the morning and I have just been lying here being put through more pain than I was in at home ... he said don't you want to wait till we send your blood to the lab ... I said ... "what the fuck are you talking about ... they took my blood at like 1 AM and it is now 4 are you telling me no one has even sent it back yet ...??... this is ridiculous ... I am leaving ..." I put my shoes on and walked out only to find dean had left ... which I didn't blame him ... but he lives so far away from the hospital I didn't want to call and make him come all the way out to pick me up ... Kevin {Kris' brother} had just moved to town and wasn't working yet so I called him ... while I was waiting for him they nurse came out and tried to tell me they had sent my blood out ... they were waiting for the results ... and I said ... wow they run the tests and sent the blood back to you ... interesting I have never seen it done that way ... then he said well they were busy tonight cause they were the only hospital open ... I said ... are you telling me they close hospitals here ... he had nothing to say ... the doctor came out and told me I wasn't pregnant ... I said to him ... I told you I wasn't when I was in your room and I didn't come to the hospital cause I thought I was in labor ... he handed me a prescription for some antibiotic and I asked him what it was for ... he said just in case ... I said ... just in case what?? and he said ... just in case you are sick ... I said this is amazing ... this isn't a hospital it is an episode of candid camera ... I saw Kevin pull up and left ...   well I still haven't felt myself all week ... or stayed out of the bathroom ... I have actually lost 20 pounds in the last week and a half ... but at least I know I am not pregnant ... shit if I were it would be the next coming of Christ cause I haven't had sex ... although I wouldn't be a virgin having an immaculate conception ... so who knows what is wrong ... maybe whatever it is it will run its course ...  ok enough about the hospital ... it is pissing me off all over again ... lets see what else ... well I have been working sooooooooo much ... haven't had time for much of anything ... I had to turn in my rental car Thursday ... and my car isn't ready ... and won't be for at least a week ... so I am totally at my friends mercy if I wanna go anywhere ...  I talked to a really cool guy named Todd online last night ... he was very cool and not freaked out about my site at all ... nor did he start asking me to get naked on cam or talk about fucking me on cam ... all stuff that gets old fast ... and makes me see fast the guy just wants to be on cam ... and doesn't care who it is with ... so we talked about meeting tonight ... I called him while I was out {which was the plan} ... but he had just arrived at a going away party for a friend ... and when I talked to him before I was leaving he was still hanging out ... which I totally understand ... ya never know how a party is gonna go ... and it is nice to have alternate plans just in case ... so he is going to give me a call ... and hopefully we will make some plans to meet soon ...  Eric called me today bummed out ... he and his girlfriend split and I was so sad to hear it ... he was pretty sad too ... I was sad for him ... I just want him to be happy ... and he seemed to really like her ... but ya know ... sometimes things just happen ... maybe they just need a bit of time apart to see how much they really like each other ... or maybe it was meant to be ... but I told him I was here if he needed to talk and I sent her an email letting her know I was here for her too ... and I hope they know that I am ...  tomorrow I am supposed to go to Jessica's to watch the fight ... which should be fun ... I love seeing the women boxers ... I should find a place to take boxing ... that is a sport I know I would enjoy ... I think I could totally get into ... maybe when I actually have some money I'll look into it ...  man I have so much work ahead of me this weekend ... I know that any chance I have to get out of the house I need to take ... cause come Monday everyone is back to their work grind and I won't have anything to do but work ...  I really want to plan a train trip somewhere ... I love traveling on the train and it would be a great way to get away for a bit ... oh I heard from Clay ... he said he sent me an email letting me know he wouldn't be coming ... I wish I had gotten it ... then I wouldn't have felt so hurt ...  and ... today I talked to Riven ... Aaron's {one of my ex's and closest friend} girlfriend ... and they are expecting their first child in March ... I am so excited for them ... I think I need to plan a trip to Oregon ... hey that could be my train trip ... man I love writing in my journal ... getting stuff out makes my life so much clearer for me ...  ahhhh well I should take my make-up off and get ready for bed ...

Thursday night at The Drink was so much fun

 

November 6, 1999

Thursday night at The Drink was so much fun ... I had a blast ... and didn't even get wasted ... hahahahahaa ... I had a couple of drinks ... but half way through the night started drinking water and I was so happy for that ... Kris, Lori and I went to Fat Tuesdays first ... which I always love and Lori had the greatest idea ... I have been wanting some sort of neck strap for my digital camera ... cause I have come close to dropping it and loosing it ... and Fat Tuesday's have this neck strap for your drinks and Lori suggested I use it for the cam ... and it rocks ... made it so easy ... of course I only wound up in one picture cause I was wearing the camera all night ... but it is still great ...  After Fat Tuesdays we went to The Drink for 70's night and Kris' brother Matt was in town so he and his girlfriend met us there and it really was a blast ... I met a total cutie and wound up hanging out and talking to him for quite a while ... we were having a great conversation that I actually gave him my phone number (I rarely give out my number) ... unfortunately he is from Cali ... which I have seemed to notice ... when I meet people out here ... they are never from here ... but I hope he decides to use my number cause I would love to talk to him more ...  Strangely enough I was the sober one when we left the bar ... so I drove home ... that never happens ... hahahahaa ... so I am glad we took Lori's car cause Kris' is stick and I still can't drive stick ... so the whole evening turned out wonderfully and I was so happy to see Matt ... even Dean and Jason G. stopped by for a bit ... I am glad we got to go on 70's night ...  Friday was a day to get stuff done ... rent ... cleaning the house (which looks great now) ... and doing this and that for work cause Clay was coming down for the weekend ... and I really didn't want to have to work while he was here ... he was supposed to call on Thursday to confirm ... but I didn't hear from him ... but ya know people get busy and I was in and out all day so I didn't think much about it ... well he had told me he was leaving Friday at noon and would be here between 4 and 5 ... I am pretty much figuring out now that it is Saturday night at midnight he isn't coming to Vegas ... hahahahaa ... fucking pisser ... why make plans with someone and then not even call to say you aren't coming ... or send an email ... leave a message ... fucking something ... I mean come on ... I have a problem when people say they will call and don't ... it is even worse when I clear my whole weekend ... turn down offers to do stuff ... and then I don't even get a phone call that says he isn't coming ... so that has kind of irked me all weekend ... I even saw him online tonight and he said nothing ... I am sorry but that is totally fucked up ...  what was even worse was Kris got pissed off at me late Friday afternoon ... it was all a misunderstanding ... but at the time ... when she called furious ... I was freaked out ... I called my mom like 7 times cause I just didn't know what to do ... and I couldn't live without Kris as my friend ... we cleared up the misunderstanding ... thank god ... but for a couple of hours there I was sooooooo worried ...  Friday night Kris and I met Matt and his girlfriend at New York, New York and then went to Pink E's ... the place rocks and I have some great pictures from the bathrooms there that I need to add to a photo album ... in the women's restroom are tons of pictures of naked men and in the men's room ... naked women (I had matt go in and take a bunch of pictures for me) ... besides that the place is just groovy ... I love the pink pool tables they have there ... I don't think any of us were really in the party mood ... we just hung out ... talked ... and played a little pool ... it was nice ... and not too late of an evening ...  work has been pretty good this week ... (knock on wood) ... and we have been getting sign-ups on our site ... which is a good thing ... also looks like we might get this big deal to design sites for this development company which rocks ... Dean is sooooo happy about that ... so I need to make a shameless plug for one of my sites ... because the more sign-ups we get ... the longer I will have a job ... and the less my boss will think about making my site a pay site ... hahahaa ... he only mentions it once in a while ... and knows I don't want it to happen ... and would only do it if there was no other choice ... so if you are someone who likes porno ... please check out this site ... cause it is only $2.95 a month to join ... cheap for porn ... I think next month it goes up to something like $4.95 ... so please take the time to check it out if you can ... even better ... join ... {smile} groovy banner huh?? hahahahaha I like it ... sorry about the shameless plug but I really really want to keep this job ... I like it so much ... and I love having my cam ... cause if I loose my job ... I have to shut down this site ... Kris keeps telling me that is the least of my problems ... but it is what bums me out the most ... I mean besides the fact that I get to work at home now whenever I want ... I would hate to not have my site anymore ... this site and my rent run about the same every month ... and I can barely pay my rent ... hahahaaa ... so I know it would have to go ...  Tomorrow night I am going to see John Popper Band ... lead singer of Blues Traveler ... and I am so excited ... I was going to go by myself but now a bunch of people are going ... Dean is gonna go and bring his friend Kira who is super cool and he set her up on a date too ... and Chris and John from work are going ... I am so excited ... a bouncer on Thursday night gave me the ticket ... he remembered me from the last time I was there and took his picture for my photo album ... so I have a free night tomorrow ... cause if I am with Dean we always seem to drink for free ... ahhhh its great when life rocks ...  I was talking to this cool guy online tonight ... who lives just down the street from me ... and I told him about the show tomorrow ... thought it might be a good place to meet ... and right before I started this journal entry he said ... be right back ... signed off ... and hasn't come back since ... who knows what happened ... I thought we were having fun chatting ... but oh well ... maybe I will see him again online sometime ...  I should have tried to go to bed earlier ... I know Dean is gonna call for brunch early ... he always says he won't call early ... but his bacon craving starts ... and my phone starts ringing ... so I should head to bed ... although with the headache I have now ... I am taking some Excedrin PM so I will doze big time tonight ... {smile} ...

Ahhhh the new it's Liz

 

October 22, 1999

Ahhhh the new it's Liz ... well I had been planning on this site for sometime ... I just couldn't say anything about it ... because I wanted to keep it private from my family ... they were unhappy with the site ... I love it ... so this is the compromise ... what is it ... don't ask don't tell ... I will say I have an overwhelming sense of guilt ... but I will eventually get over that ...  they found my car yesterday ... I was more bummed they found it then when it was stolen ... I went over to the impound lot ... and I have to say it is in surprisingly good shape ... my plates were still on the car ... and there was no body damage ... but the inside was pretty trashed ... a bunch of huffers stole it ... so the inside had lots of metallic gold paint ... baggies covered in paint ... my stuff covered in paint ... and paint on the seats ... but all my stuff was still in there ... photographs I was bummed out about loosing ... and mixed tapes from friends ... but it was all still there ... they wouldn't let me take any of it cause I didn't have the registration (which was the only thing stolen out of the car) ... but I came home and called bill (my adjuster) ... and he totally rocks ... taking care of everything ... paying for  the impound ... having it towed to a shop ... seriously making my life so much easier ...  whatever they decide about the car ... I am getting rid of it ... I will either take the insurance money or sell the car and take that money and buy a new one ... and I am going to buy it now ... instead of waiting for the electric/gas car ... and probably some GM car cause I have an old credit card that has 800 bucks towards a GM car ... so why not use that ...  I never called the rental car guy ... just seemed stupid ... and the longer I waited the harder it would be for him to remember who I was ... I figure if I see him again when I return the car ... well maybe I will do it then ... although I have been so busy I don't know when I think I would have time to go out ... hahahaaa ... I am going to Arizona this weekend with Kris to visit Kris' sister ... I am totally stressed out cause there is so much I need to do before I leave ... and every night for at least a week now I have been up till 4 AM ... I think it might be taking its tole ... plus I am not even making time to eat ... its 11 AM right now and the last time I had something other than coffee was yesterday at 2:30 ... I ate the other half to a sandwich ... shit that is bad ... oh and I was supposed to go to the chiropractor today ... but there is NO time for that ... man and I still have to iron my clothes and pack ... ack ...  Kris and I went to garage sales last weekend ... and found some killer stuff that we actually needed ... well I did get a funky spinning lamp ... I don't think I really NEEDED that ... but it was only 3 bucks and it rocks ... so yea I did need that ...  so I think I am getting back on top of stuff ... I have felt kind of overwhelmed this last week ... and it just raced by ... this weekend away from my computer will be good for me ... even though I am wishing I had a lap top to take with me ... hahahaaa ... oh on my way out I am going to get a 16MB disk for my camera so I can take like 200 pictures before I need to download them ... so I am planning on taking a TON of pictures this weekend ... it has been a while since I have added photos to my journal ... and I miss them ...  so I get soooooooo many letters asking me to get chat ... and now I have added gooey which is the most bitchen internet chat I have come across ... and I have only seen a few people in there ... and several of them found my site through gooey ... so they weren't even ones asking for chat ... I hope more people download it soon cause I have had fun talking to people who come to my site ... and so far everyone has been so polite ... which rocks ... once someone was rude ... but not so bad that I would want to get rid of chat ... at least not yet ... hahahaa ...  well I guess life has been rather dull cause I thought I had a ton to write and my mind is already at a blank ... I am just happy to feel caught up ... at least with my site ... now all the other ones for work ... well that is a different story ... for sure ...  well I am off to finish packing ... Kris and I haven't taken a trip together in a long time ... this will be fun ... I am finally getting excited ... ahhh until I return ... {smile}

Today was a pretty groovy day all around

 

October 12, 1999

Today was a pretty groovy day all around ... even though it started on a bad note ... early ... and I am talking too early for me when I stay up so late the night before ... my phone started ringing ... I assumed it was dean ... and when they didn't say anything the first time I just hung up and thought ... "ok if I don't sneeze (something that seems to happen first thing in the morning for me) I will be able to fall back asleep" ... and just as I felt myself drifting off again the phone rang ... and again they didn't say anything ... I kinda barked "thanks for waking me up for nothing so damn early" ... and then sneezed ... so now I was up ...  once I was up I checked my caller ID ... and it was a blocked call ... so not even *69 worked ... I was pretty perturbed ... but nothing I could do now but start working ...  and today I realized a very very important life lesson ... and maybe that is why it turned out to be such a great day ... the better my attitude and the nicer I am to other people the better my life is and the more people are willing to help me ... and I learned this with all the stolen car shit I have been going through ... a couple of people that I have dealt with have made comments jokingly about the fact that my attitude was so good about all this they wondered if I stole the car myself ... which Kris keeps saying as well ... cause she knows she would be pissed and miserable to be around ... but I think people have been so giving to me cause I am not like that at all ... and it something I plan on remembering and taking to heart always ... I mean in general I am a very happy-go-lucky person ... it takes a lot to break my spirit ... but I am going to work even harder at it now ...  so anyway I talked to bill ... my insurance adjuster ... a couple of times today ... he is so helpful ... and a joy to talk to ... it really is making all this a lot easier ... he set up my whole rental car stuff today ... and made it so easy for me ... and it turns out I have a great policy (thanks mom and dad ... hahahaaa) ... I don't have to pay for anything with the rental car ... thank goodness ... cause I am already strapped enough right now ... but even though having property ripped from your hands is a bitch ... I am so grateful everyone has been so kind to me and helped me so much ... especially bill cause I am totally lost with all this ... not like it is something that happens all the time (thank goodness) ... and I feel comfortable asking him any stupid question I think of ...  anyway ... so the guy from the rental car company came and picked me up this afternoon to go get my car ... and I have to say he was a total cutie ... we chatted up a storm on the way to the office ... and got along really well ... {although I can't think of anyone I don't get along with} ... and in our conversation he asked me when I moved here and why I liked it out here so much ... I told him it was cause my best friend was out here and I had a job I totally loved ... he said it was great being close to a good friend but that out here it is hard to meet people ... that is when the ding ding ding when off in my head ... was he mentioning that as a good in to ask him to do something ... although I didn't jump at the opportunity right then ... that phrase stuck in my head all day ... sooo I am feeling kind of ballsy ... and I think tomorrow I am going to call and ask him out ... I haven't totally decided yet ... but to me ... that phrase is really an indication that he may be somewhat interested ... and as Sheldon put it tonight at dinner ... even if he didn't want to go out with you he would definitely be flattered you asked ... and as I see it ... I am not worse off for asking him out and being rejected ...  as I would be for never even trying ...  so after I got my rented set of wheels ... I headed to the bookstore ... Eric informed me that the new issue of BUST was out and I just had to get my hands on it ... it is without a doubt the best women's magazine out there ... and it only comes out a couple of times a year ... so I savor it when I get it ... I don't allow myself to read it too fast ... cause the times that I have I was soooooo bummed out when I was finished cause I knew it would be months before there was a new one ... and while I was at the bookstore ... I checked for the book of articles from BUST that has recently come out ... even though I can't afford to buy the book right now ... I still wanted to check it out ... but they didn't have it ... and I don't have the money to order it so I guess I will just have to keep checking back ...  from the bookstore I headed to my chiropractors appointment ... man everyone in that place is sooooo nice ... I love going in there ... and boy does my back feel amazingly better (knock on wood) ... he wants to see me back within a week ... and I will gladly go ... there is only the slightest twinge of pain now ... and my spirits have been totally lifted ... not only that ... the cutie doctor was in there ... and he came out and chatted with me for a bit ... but in his conversation it sounded as if he had a woman in his life ... so I am just going to admire him from afar for a bit ... besides I think the rental car guy is more suitable for me ... at least right now in my life ... and having little crushes make life so much more fun ...  I didn't get to see Kris at all today or talk to her much for that matter ... but she has been so busy trying to catch up on her work after being gone for a week ... tomorrow she has an early day cause she has to take the cat to the vet ... so I am sure we will hang out tomorrow afternoon ... especially since I have to go to deans for most of the day tomorrow ... we have lots of stuff to go through so I agreed to leave my house for the day ... hahahaha and work there ...  tonight I went to Mandalay Bay ... to Border Grill for dinner ... I finally met deans friend tiffany ... who is a total sweetheart ... and this guy Sheldon that dean met at the convention in Florida ... he lives out here and does web design so we all met for dinner to talk about work stuff and see how we could help each other out ... Sheldon was totally cool ... and it is great talking about work stuff with someone other than dean ... not that I don't love dean ... but ya know it was fun ... and sitting at the table across from us was Robin Leach ... which was funny cause everyone at our table was trying to remember his catch phrase ... and kind of poking fun at him for various reasons ... one of which was wearing dark sunglasses at night ... I mean come on we were sitting outside ... it wasn't busy ... and no one was bothering him ... besides it gave us something to do while we were waiting for out food ...  on my way home I was thinking about how great my job is ... dean and I get along exceptionally well ... it is a pleasure working with ... even when he calls me 100 times a day ... super early and super late ... {thank god I got my new headset for the phone ... I think that is helping my back some too ... not holding the phone with my head and shoulder anymore} ... and dean called me on his way home and expressed the same feelings ... he loved how well we all got along ... and that we were so lucky ... {smile} ...  ohh also while I was at the bookstore I was looking at the 2000 calendars for an I Love Lucy one ... but couldn't find one ... I have seen them before ... my old boss gave me his at the end of last year ... but I haven't been able to find one since then ... I wanted one for 1999 ... so I guess I will just have to keep my eyes open for a 2000 one ... what a great calendar that would be for 2000 ... a great way to start everyday ... man what a geek ... hahahahahaaa man tonight I sure have babbled on and on and on ... but I am just brimming with joy ... I like days like that ... maybe it is cause I wore make-up today ... I don't often do it ... but I always feel good when I do ... maybe cause I don't always do it ... {smile} ...  ohhhh I had wanted to do some work tonight ... but I had soooo many emails to respond to ... ack ... and I really wanted to do this journal entry today while everything was fresh in my mind ... and now I am just fading fast ... so I think I will take a break from work tonight ... post this and head to bed ... ahhhh off to lala land ... {smile} ...

Well it was a day of being put on hold

 

October 11, 1999

Well it was a day of being put on hold ... I had to make a ton of phone calls and everyone seemed to put me on hold ... especially Earthlink ... I talked to them for 18 minutes ... and was on hold an hour and 11 minutes ... seems kind of ridiculous ... as soon as they credit me (well actually Eric) the 500 bucks I am canceling my account ... I have wanted to for a while now but I want my money back first ...  so besides dealing with Earthlink today ... I had to do tons of stuff with my car ... insurance ... police ... parents ... it sucked!! ... it turns out my parents are putting the responsibility of buying a car completely on me ... which I am not very happy about ... cause I am trying to get my finances back in order ... and can't really afford car payments now ... so this was a really shitty time to get my car stolen ...  then tonight ... which is kind of freaking me out ... my complex puts a note on the door ... someone else got their car stolen on Friday night ... then the people that stole it tried to break into their house last night ... and an altercation started ... just leaves me with an uneasy feeling ... I am glad I have a security system ... although I wish right about now I had a huge attack dog ... something else that is kind of freaking me out lately ... I think I have a visitor to my site that is freaky stalker material ... I get anywhere between 30 and 50 letters a day from him ... and all the morning letters apologize for the letters from the evening before ... and I've never even written him back ... he writes to me like we know each other ... its just weird ... dean told me to ask him if he recently got a dodge caravan ... hahahahaaa ...  hummm ... on a happier note ... Kris and I are going to Arizona weekend after next to visit her sister ... it will be nice to get away for the whole weekend ... no work ... and we are flying ... which rocks ... not in the mood for a car trip ... and besides Kris' car is stick and I don't know how to drive a stick ... never wanted to learn ... most of my boyfriend drove stick ... and their cars sucked compared to mine ... so we always just drove mine ... and that way none of them asked to switch cars and stick me with the shitty one ... hahahahaaa ohhh I almost forgot ... I got the new toys I ordered in the mail today ... I was so happy ... and I even had the right size batteries for them ... amazing enough ... one is waterproof which I have never tried ... so I am kind of excited about that well I keep thinking there is something else to write about ... and I have been sitting here staring at the screen forever ... but I don't know what it was ... I guess whatever it is I will just have to include it tomorrow ... time again for sweet dreams ... ahhh the joy of sleep ... !!

Well lets see

 October 10, 1999

Well lets see ... Kris is finally home and I am so glad ... I missed her so much ... so I knew she was coming home kinda late last night ... so I worked hard all day ... I met dean for coffee in the morning ... got home around 10:30 AM ... and worked till 8:30 PM ... got a whole site set up so dean could put on the final touches ... and then I broke open Kris' vodka ... 

when I left starbucks in the morning I hurt my back again ... since I don't have a rear view mirror in my car I have to really turn around to back out ... and I turned too much ... I got home and was dying ... well after I tried everything to help my back I figured I might as well drink some ... that would dull the pain ... so I made vodka and cranberry and hung out waiting for Kris to get home ... 

when she finally did ... Kris and Chevy and Jessica came over and we all went to this Irish pup at the resort at Summerlin ... it is a pretty groovy place and we always have fun there ... I was already pretty drunk when we left the house ... that is why everyone came to pick me up ... so I didn't drink much after we went out ... but I had a great time ... 

and I had lots of fun when I got home too ... I was talking to my friend Tommy and having a blast ... and I was feeling really cute ... excited ... and giddy and even though I would have loved company ... I think I had a better time last night by myself ... it was just one of those times where I feel great about everything ... even my back wasn't hurting too much ... of course that could have been due to the vodka ... 

so any way ... I played and had fun ... and went to bed ... I turned the ringer off on my bedroom phone so I could sleep in ... which I did get to do ... I woke up around 10:30 and got dressed to go out and get a coffee ... only to walk to my parking space and find it empty ... I stood there for a second ... kind of confused ... thinking ... what the hell ... I know I didn't drive anywhere last night ... I had been drinking ... I stood there for a minute and scanned my brain ... trying to remember if I had driven my car anywhere yesterday and left it ... but I couldn't think of a thing ... this guy unloading stuff from his car said ... "are you ok" ... and I said ... "oh my goodness my car has been stolen!!"

he said he has seen a bunch of kids out there Saturday night ... but since I never went back there cause I didn't drive ... I didn't see them ... at first I thought ... well maybe Kris was playing a bad joke on me ... she had called and said she was on her way over ... so I ran in and called her ... and she freaked and said she would never play a joke like that ... the only other person was dean ... so I called him and he said "Liz if I were gonna do something like that I would make sure I was there so I could laugh at you" ... hahahaaa ... so I called the police and gave them the basic info ... and they told me they would call me back to take the report ... 

Kris was going to the grocery ... and came over to hang out before hand ... I hadn't planned on going with her ... but without a car ... I figured I should take every opportunity to get stuff I need when I have a ride ... so we actually hung out and got smoothies ... talked ... and then went grocery shopping ... then she dropped me off at home ... the whole time we were out I had my calls forwarded to her cell phone but the police still hadn't called ... I called them again when I got home and they said they were still really busy ... and would call me back

which 6 hours later they finally did ... they took all the info from me but didn't sound too promising about getting my car back ... I am supposed to call tomorrow more to find out more info ... 

so my parents told me I should start thinking about a new car if they don't find mine ... and I know I want something smaller and more economical ... there is no reason for me to have a big minivan ... its not like I have kids or something ... and it is a huge gas guzzler ... well heather turned me on to this great new car ... it is the Honda Insight ... and it looks pretty bitchen ... this is going to be the first time I have bought my own car ... my parents have always bought them in the past ... so it is gonna be a big deal ... that I am kind of nervous about ... but it will also be the first time I will have a brand new car ... I've always wanted to be the first owner of a car ... {smile} ... 

the really weird thing about all this ... when I was coming home yesterday from coffee ... I was thinking ... man I would love to get a new ... smaller ... more efficient car ... and only 24 hours later ... my big ... gas guzzling ... falling apart car is gone ... wow the power of thought ... hummm ... what would I like to change next in my life?? 

I do have a chiropractors appointment tomorrow ... but it is pretty close and walking won't be too big of a deal ... although that does mean I need to get up earlier tomorrow which means I should definitely go to bed soon ... 

I talked to heather a bunch this weekend ... man I miss her ... I wish there was an opportunity to see her soon ... she has been so busy since she went back to school to become a deaf interpreter ... she has been studying so hard ... I am just so proud of her ... and I think she picked the perfect field for her ... just makes me so happy talking to her about it and hearing how well she is doing and how much she loves it ... 

I tried to call my old roommate Sean a couple of times this weekend but I wasn't able to get a hold of him ... I miss him a lot too ... I want all my friends from Kansas to move out here ... ohhh maybe that is what I should change next in my life ... use my mental powers to get my friends out here ... hahahahaa

besides working like a dog ... I haven't done much else ... my house needs cleaning so badly ... but the bending ... lifting ... scrubbing all are such a strain on my back ... so I have done a little here and there ... but I really need to do it all ... I guess with all the time I will be cooped up in the house now I will be able to get it done eventually ... 

well I feel sleep approaching ... so I shouldn't ignore it ... for fear I will hit my second wind and not go to bed for hours ... ahhh sweet dreams await!!

Ok ... weird stuff

 

October 5, 1999

Ok ... weird stuff ... but first ... I woke up in even more pain than yesterday ... today my neck and my back hurt ...  dean and I were on the phone most of the morning ... doing work stuff ... and we were supposed to have a meeting tonight ... to go over all the stuff he learned at his convention ... but when he called ... I was hurting bad ... really bad ... that he came and picked me up and took me to his chiropractor ... who was very nice ... and made my back feel somewhat better ... but that wasn't the weird part of my day ... this was ...  about a week and a half ago I was going through my mail ... and I saw this ad for a chiropractor ... and the picture of the guy was soooo cute ... that I actually saved the ad ... and every once in a while I look at the guys picture ...  anyway when we walked into the office tonight ... I saw the other doctor in his office and thought he was so cute ... when he came in to say goodnight to my doctor ... I saw he was even cuter than I thought ... and as I was leaving I saw the doctors cards on the counter ... and the other doctor was the one whose picture I had saved ... I couldn't believe it ... so since dean is friends with his doctor I told him he had to find out if he was single ... heeheheeee so other than that ... just been working working working ... missing Kris ... I am going over to their house on Friday to help Chevy clean ... so Kris will come home all happy on Saturday and want to go out ... and I think I am going to ask Chevy if he wants to go play bingo on Friday night ... he and I always want to go and Kris is never too into it ... so it is the perfect opportunity for us to go and play ... it is something I love and I haven't gone to play bingo since I moved out here ... and I have my bingo inkers too ... I am sure he will want to go ... we may even get to play 2 rounds ... hahahahaaa ahhh well I need to do some serious grocery shopping ... I was kind of hoping I could wait till Kris got back ... so I could get some help carrying everything up here ... but I don't think I can wait that long ... and I had wanted us to make a price club visit together ... so we could split everything ... but our pay periods are different so we never have enough money for a price club trip at the same time ... cause ya know you gotta have more than you want to spend with you when you go in there ...  Kris and I have been talking this last week or so about volunteering our time ... both of us have it pretty good ... which means we should share that with others ... as children we both had friends that passed away from cancer ... Kris' friend of brain cancer and my friend Tammy from Leukemia ... so I am going to look into volunteering in the children's ward at the hospital ... my mom sent me a great letter ... that drove the point home really well ... it is kind of long ... but well worth the read ... and I want to keep it somewhere where I will never loose it and can refer to it whenever I want ... so here it is: BIG ROCKS FIRST!!!! One day, an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz" and he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouth Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked,  "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class yelled, "Yes." The time management expert replied, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the group once more,  "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was on to him.  "Probably not," one of them answered.  "Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question,  "Is this jar full?" No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked,  "What is the point of this illustration?" One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"  "No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point.  The truth this illustration teaches us is if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all.  What are the 'big rocks' in your life -- time with your loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others?  Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. " So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first." I just love that story ... well on that note I think I will read my cards and get back to work ... much to do!!