It has been sometime since I have written

 

November 12, 1999

It has been sometime since I have written ... but I just haven't been feeling myself at all ... Monday I guess it was I went to the hospital ... what a horrible experience ...  Dean took me to the hospital cause after talking to my mom I thought I might have a problem with my appendix ... I hadn't been able to stay off the toilet for 3 days ... I hadn't eaten much of anything ... and my stomach was just killing me ... I got to the hospital at 10:30 ish and they took me back to a bed a little after 11 ... at 12:30 someone finally came back to see me ... and I realize I was at the hospital but there was no one there ... I walked past the rooms and in all of them together there were only 3 of us ... counting me ... so I have no idea what the hell was the problem ... I was laying in the bed shaking ... rocking ... crying ... and I wouldn't put the gown on cause I had on 2 sweaters and was still really cold ... the nurse came in and took my temp ... which was still 102 ... and took my blood pressure ... at 1 the doctor came in ... he asked if I wanted something for the pain before he even asked what was wrong with me ... I told him I was not some junkie looking for drug I was honestly sick ... he said the nurse was going to put in an IV cause I was dehydrated and take some blood for some tests ... that fucking IV hurt SO bad I screamed ... and needles don't bother me ... I have had IVs and they aren't supposed to feel like this ... I was bleeding everywhere while he took the blood then he hooked up the IV bag ... it took about an hour for it to drain all the way ... and it hurt the whole time ... and when it was finished I started bleeding ... it was coming up the IV and out the needle puncture ... now I am so happy I wore a watch ... cause I sat up in bed and yelled ... loud ... for 15 minutes for someone to come and help me and no one would stop ... I felt like I was a heroin addict and no one cared ... I eventually got up and pulled the IV into the hall and yelled ... "could someone please come and help me here" ... finally my nurse came in and he cleaned everything up but wouldn't take the IV out ... he left and I lay there still in a lot of pain ... but my arm was starting to hurt more than my stomach ... and I couldn't take it ... again I yelled for 15 minutes ... when I went to get up I moved my arm wrong and started bleeding again ... I couldn't take it so I walked to the nurse station and saw my doctor sitting there with his legs on the counter playing some game ... I went up to the first nurse I saw and said could you please come and help me ... take this fucking thing out of my arm it is killing me ... he told me to go to my room and he would be in in a minute ...  well he walked into my room with a bag that had my blood samples in it ... when he took out the IV I said I am going home ... it is 4 in the morning and I have just been lying here being put through more pain than I was in at home ... he said don't you want to wait till we send your blood to the lab ... I said ... "what the fuck are you talking about ... they took my blood at like 1 AM and it is now 4 are you telling me no one has even sent it back yet ...??... this is ridiculous ... I am leaving ..." I put my shoes on and walked out only to find dean had left ... which I didn't blame him ... but he lives so far away from the hospital I didn't want to call and make him come all the way out to pick me up ... Kevin {Kris' brother} had just moved to town and wasn't working yet so I called him ... while I was waiting for him they nurse came out and tried to tell me they had sent my blood out ... they were waiting for the results ... and I said ... wow they run the tests and sent the blood back to you ... interesting I have never seen it done that way ... then he said well they were busy tonight cause they were the only hospital open ... I said ... are you telling me they close hospitals here ... he had nothing to say ... the doctor came out and told me I wasn't pregnant ... I said to him ... I told you I wasn't when I was in your room and I didn't come to the hospital cause I thought I was in labor ... he handed me a prescription for some antibiotic and I asked him what it was for ... he said just in case ... I said ... just in case what?? and he said ... just in case you are sick ... I said this is amazing ... this isn't a hospital it is an episode of candid camera ... I saw Kevin pull up and left ...   well I still haven't felt myself all week ... or stayed out of the bathroom ... I have actually lost 20 pounds in the last week and a half ... but at least I know I am not pregnant ... shit if I were it would be the next coming of Christ cause I haven't had sex ... although I wouldn't be a virgin having an immaculate conception ... so who knows what is wrong ... maybe whatever it is it will run its course ...  ok enough about the hospital ... it is pissing me off all over again ... lets see what else ... well I have been working sooooooooo much ... haven't had time for much of anything ... I had to turn in my rental car Thursday ... and my car isn't ready ... and won't be for at least a week ... so I am totally at my friends mercy if I wanna go anywhere ...  I talked to a really cool guy named Todd online last night ... he was very cool and not freaked out about my site at all ... nor did he start asking me to get naked on cam or talk about fucking me on cam ... all stuff that gets old fast ... and makes me see fast the guy just wants to be on cam ... and doesn't care who it is with ... so we talked about meeting tonight ... I called him while I was out {which was the plan} ... but he had just arrived at a going away party for a friend ... and when I talked to him before I was leaving he was still hanging out ... which I totally understand ... ya never know how a party is gonna go ... and it is nice to have alternate plans just in case ... so he is going to give me a call ... and hopefully we will make some plans to meet soon ...  Eric called me today bummed out ... he and his girlfriend split and I was so sad to hear it ... he was pretty sad too ... I was sad for him ... I just want him to be happy ... and he seemed to really like her ... but ya know ... sometimes things just happen ... maybe they just need a bit of time apart to see how much they really like each other ... or maybe it was meant to be ... but I told him I was here if he needed to talk and I sent her an email letting her know I was here for her too ... and I hope they know that I am ...  tomorrow I am supposed to go to Jessica's to watch the fight ... which should be fun ... I love seeing the women boxers ... I should find a place to take boxing ... that is a sport I know I would enjoy ... I think I could totally get into ... maybe when I actually have some money I'll look into it ...  man I have so much work ahead of me this weekend ... I know that any chance I have to get out of the house I need to take ... cause come Monday everyone is back to their work grind and I won't have anything to do but work ...  I really want to plan a train trip somewhere ... I love traveling on the train and it would be a great way to get away for a bit ... oh I heard from Clay ... he said he sent me an email letting me know he wouldn't be coming ... I wish I had gotten it ... then I wouldn't have felt so hurt ...  and ... today I talked to Riven ... Aaron's {one of my ex's and closest friend} girlfriend ... and they are expecting their first child in March ... I am so excited for them ... I think I need to plan a trip to Oregon ... hey that could be my train trip ... man I love writing in my journal ... getting stuff out makes my life so much clearer for me ...  ahhhh well I should take my make-up off and get ready for bed ...