Baby Fever

Well maybe it is like "baby clammy" ... there are moments I think about it constantly ... and other moments where it is the farthest thing from my mind ...

Curly Top has sooo much love in her I want her to have a sibling ... she is just beyond precious with her baby dolls ... kissing them ... taking them on walks ... feeding them ... and making "melmo" give them all kisses ... so I know she would be so happy ... although secretly if she could totally voice her opinion she would want an older sibling ... she just loves big kids and I think there will be a moment of disappointment when she figures out she is the older sibling ...

But with kids comes being pregnant again ... now I didn't have a bad pregnancy mind you ... but I swelled up like nobodies business ... like 2 sizes bigger shoes in men's sizes ... I'm not looking forward to that ... and a weird period of time where I only ate white stuff ... vanilla milkshakes ... vanilla pudding and animal crackers ... mashed potatoes ... it was weird ... but the only things I thought I could stomach were things that were white ...

You know the first time you are pregnant it is all new and you don't expect things ... just go with the flow .. kinda leap into it foolishly ... now I would know what I was getting into ... and I know it could be worse ... I could throw up and suffer morning sickness ... be put on bed rest for more than 2 weeks (the 2 weeks last time made me insane ... I just couldn't sit and do nothing - although the swelling went down dramatically) ...

I'm not sure what I am saying ... I think maybe it is just a bit harder for me to get into the spirit of things because I know what I am getting into ... and I am not carefree about it ...

A part of me is a bit sad ... I always dreamed of having 3 kids ... since I was a kid myself ... maybe because growing up I had always wished I had had one more choice of who to play with ... it was always just my brother and me ... and I would think, "Geee if my parents had had one more kid I would have my choice of who to hang out with." ... but with my age and having to have a C-section there will just be one more ... it is hard to let go of a life long dream ... cause I know all too well I am lucky having the one child I have right now ... I know too many people who are never able to have any ... so I do count my blessings on that ...