October 3, 1999 |
| Man there is so much I want to write about ... but I pulled a muscle in my back ... so I don't know how long I will feel like writing ... ohhhh I should go down and sit in the Jacuzzi ... I just don't feel like going by myself ... there have been times lately where I have thought about removing the email link on my website ... I am so tired of getting fucked up emails ... although I would miss out on so many great emails ... and the people that are driving me to consider this are the ones that feel I owe them nudity ... because they put in the time to watch the camera ... shit no one is making them open my site ... and damn it ... it isn't a show ... it is my life ... and I can vouch better than anyone ... my life is boring right now ... visually ... but for me ... I am getting amazing amounts of work done on websites ... and on making my new apartment into a home ... a home where I spend incredible amounts of time since I work here too ... I am in this mood right now cause after working like 16 hours yesterday ... and a somewhat restless sleep I woke up to this email ... I watch you for almost 4 hrs and I didn't see any kind of nudity. I think I I mean what the hell ... there are millions of sites out there that are specifically for naked women ... and this is not one of them ... don't people get that yet ... why even waste time here if that is all you want ... god ... ok I need to change my mindset ... cause I am just gonna get all bent out of shape and it is only 10:13 AM ... Kris and dean are out of town ... so I have a long ... uninterrupted day of work ahead of me ... ohhhh and my back is hurting ... I think I need to go to the Jacuzzi ... maybe I will just go take a bath right now ... a really really really hot one ... yea I will do that ... change my mindset ... and then write in my journal ... {smile} ...
well my back is still hurting but I am in a much better frame of mind ... I remembered I taped Saturday Night Live last night ... and Jerry Sinefeld was the host so I have it on now ... and it is already making me giggle ... ohhh I am so glad I remembered to tape it ... so Kris is in new York for the week ... which means I am getting a ton of work done ... but I miss her being here ... after working so long yesterday I really wanted to go out for a bit ... I would go out alone ... but it just isn't safe ...
well it is 12:50 AM ... and my back is still killing me ... I called my friend jams ... who works at a health store ... and he gave me the name of something to get ... but I was hurting too much to go get money from work and to go to the store too ... besides I wouldn't even know what I was doing in the store ... or even what to do with the stuff he told me to get ... so tomorrow morning I am going to go get some money and a new heating pad ... since Harley kind of destroyed my last one ... once he got really sick he liked sleeping on it ... and it was covered in cat hair so I had to toss it ... I saw the cutest end tables at Michaels today ... I really wanted to get them ... they only had two left ... and they were unfinished wood so I could do whatever I want to them ... but I really don't have the money right now ... man I hate that ... its like when I have to get a new outfit ... (which I hate doing) ... I can never find anything ... but when I don't have the money or the need for anything I find a bunch of stuff I want ... I hung up all my "I Love Lucy" postcards in the kitchen this weekend and I LOVE how it looks ... it came out so cute ... I still need to work on these curtains ... I was sorry I hadn't moved my sewing machine out here already today ... cause I couldn't do it with my back like this ... and I would have like to work on some sewing today ... I will have to talk someone into coming over to move it for me ... cause I am not going to attempt to ... I also finally moved my CDs over from Kris and Chevy's ... and Chevy brought my kitchen table over the other day ... so all that is left now are all my movies and my big mirrors ... I can't wait for those cause I want to hang the huge one above the couch ... my favorite one broke during the move ... not the actual mirror but the frame ... and the other one I have ... I have no idea where I can hang it ... I am running out of wall space fast ... I still have a bunch of photos to hang in my bedroom ... but I just haven't been in the mood at all ... although I found some cute wooden frames today that I have primed to paint ... so I think I may do those up in yellow ... I have been looking for a simple little project ... that is probably perfect ... man I have never had a massage before in my life ... but I am thinking ... with all this sitting in front of the computer that I have been doing ... and my back hurting so much ... that when I get paid on Tuesday ... I think I should spring for a massage ... there is a bit of nervousness in me ... I don't know why ... there just is ... I wish I had a friend out here that was a masseuse ... then I would be more comfortable about it ... although I truly don't know what I am worried about ... I know how much I need it ... and can only imagine how great it will feel ... cause I am telling you ... I need something ... I am dreading going to sleep tonight ... cause it just hurts more when I lay down ... and I don't need another restless night of sleep ... I need some good hardcore snooze time ... dean is going to have a million things for me to do when he gets back tomorrow night ... I am sorry I don't have some sort of plans for tomorrow night ... how bitchy to say ... but so true ... ya know what I need ... I need to be interested in someone ... I noticed when Clint was around ... I actually took a break from working ... besides it is fun being interested in someone new ... {probably why it rarely lasts very long ... I get bored ... and want to become interested in someone new} ... hahahaaa ... I think I am just tired of meeting people online ... but I don't leave my house enough to meet people in the real world ... although the last 3 times I have read my Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards (what Kris and I are always doing when she comes over ... reading our cards) ... it has said it is the right time for me to meet someone I could fall in love with ... so we'll see ... HAHAHAHAHAAA |
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