First off

 

July 8, 1999

First off ... I don't even know if I mentioned this before ... but I broke the space bar on my keyboard and it is making me insane ... I am just gonna have to break down and buy a new one ... ack ... I hate expenses I am not looking forward to ... or that I didn't plan ... or that aren't pleasure expenses ... but it is making me nuts ... I should probably go today between my shifts ... ack who knows well yesterday work was hell ... we were so busy ... it was amazing ... but I made some good money ... at least enough to afford a new keyboard ... hahahahaa ... I guess that wouldn't actually be good money to others ... but to me right now it is ... and about 10 minutes before I was supposed to get off work last night ... a guy I have been talking to online came in to meet me ... which was very cool ... in between helping people ... and doing my side work ... I got to sit and chat with him ... and once I got off we sat outside and talked for about half an hour ... I was really happy he came in ... and although I was busy/sweaty/and disgusting from working so hard ... I was so happy to finally meet him ... I thought he was a total cutie but I don't think the feeling was mutual ... which is no big deal ... but still kind of a bummer none the less ... I still had fun ... Eric and Blake aren't coming to visit this weekend ... Blake got sick and Eric is getting ready to move and can't really afford a trip to Vegas ... I was bummed when I found out cause I was looking forward to going out and doing stuff this weekend ... and Kris is doing some diet for 2 weeks and can't drink so she will have even less of a desire to go out this weekend than previous weekends ... I think I am just in a funk today ... I feel shitty ... not health wise although my back aches from working so hard yesterday ... but I just feel disenchanted ... I don't know why ... stuff is really going great (knock on wood) ... but I do ... really blah!! all morning I have been trying to snap out of it ... but nothing is working ... and my boss told me he might not need me this morning which was great cause I hate working at lunch ... but he called a bit ago and said he did need me to come in ... lately I was one of the only people he could count on ... the curse of being responsible at work ... damn it ... I did do something long overdue this morning ... I made a gyno appointment ... it has been 4 years since I have gone ... which is totally horrible ... I used to go twice a year even though you only need to go once a year ... and then something happened and I just stopped going ... I don't know why ... and my friends have been giving me a lot of shit about it ... which they should ... so I made the appointment for next Thursday ... and the doctor is an endometriosis specialist ... I have had several doctors tell me I should see someone who specializes in it ... because I have many of symptoms related to endometriosis ... this could be a reason I haven't gone to the doctor ... my friend was diagnosed with it a year after she graduated high school ... and they had to do a full hysterectomy ... which scares the shit out of me ... that would mean I could never have a child ... ohhh thinking about all this I am gonna cry ... so I probably shouldn't even write anymore till after I see the doctor ... I just know it is something I have worried about for quite sometime ... and I guess I just don't want to know ... cause sometimes not knowing is better ... more worry ... but no definates ... ahhhh I should get ready for work ... I gotta be there soon ... I just hope people are in a better mood today ... too many customers and employees yelling yesterday ... makes for a shitty morning ... but through it all I did retain my smile ... hard as that was to do ... hahahaha but I did it ...   ohhhhh man what a day I had today ... there was a huge storm here in Vegas today ... weird thing is huge rainfall out here is less than 2 inches ... but the damage it caused was amazing ... flooding everywhere ... took me an hour to get home this afternoon and I live only 10 minutes away from work ... and the hell it unleashed on the lunch crowd today was unrelenting ... at one point I had a customer yelling at me ... and the pizza chef yelling at me ... and I was about to loose it ... and just walked out ... I was tempted to leave ... but unfortunately I am more loyal than that ... I just took a short walk and cooled off ... but I HATE working lunch there ... I love dinner ... but lunch is making me hate the place ... I didn't even want to go back tonight ... I told my boss that is Sal (pizza cook) yelled at me one more time like that I would quit ... I found that job 3 hours after getting here ... I could easily find an easy office job ... I just like waitressing and I like working there at dinner ... so needless today when I had to leave to go back for dinner 40 minutes after I got home from lunch ... (since it took me so long to get home in the storm) I was not a happy camper when I got there ... and since I ordinarily smile so much ... people are totally aware when I am not happy ... and everyone could tell ... Sal and I didn't say one word to each other all night ... which is much better than him yelling at me ... but you could tell he was pissed I said something to my boss ... but hey ... it was how I felt ... ok ... enough negative stuff ... I forgot to write that last night my mom's best friend also stopped into work ... she and her husband didn't say for dinner ... but they drove in to say hello ... see how I was liking Vegas ... and to see if I needed anything ... I thought it was so nice of them ... a very important lesson I learned years ago ... you get much more accomplished in life the nicer you are to people ... has been reinforced in me a lot this week ... and it has taken all my restraint to remain calm ... polite ... and smile when I have people yelling at me about stupid things ... and it makes me feel sad that so many people appear to be unhappy and bitter towards the world ...