I wrote a little song earlier ... that I was going to post ... but reading it back it was lame as hell and I just couldn't hit the "post & publish" button ... but it was sung to Joy to the World ... but it was more of a celebration of my monthly visit ... 10 days ago we had a scare and all I have been waiting for was Aunt Flo to visit ... it was all I could think about ... I think it was the biggest stress right now ... I had trouble even writing in the blog cause every time I sat down I thought ... "what if I have to make that decision" ... and since my mind was totally clouded with that I couldn't write about anything else ...


so now that I have danced around the house like I was Mary Katherine Gallagher in "Superstar" I feel much better ...


I am sad that the University of Kansas lost tonight ... but it brings back memories of a crazy time ...


In 1991 I was going to school at KU ... Kris, Sean and I lived on Mass Street above the Mass Street Deli [it is now part of the restaurant] and KU had made it to the final game ... like tonight they lost but the town went crazy ... so being 21 and drunk we had to head up to campus to see what was going on ... it was a sea of people ... just crazy ... and the 3 of us got separated ...


somehow ... and this would only happen to me ... some guy smashed a beer bottle over my head and knocked me out ... I was lucky ... in a sea of drunk people it would have been easy to be trampled ... but some nice guy picked me up and carried me out of the thick of things ... and sat with me till I came to ... and sat some more till miraculously Kris wandered by and found me ...


after sobering up the next day I went to the health center to make sure I was ok ... I was having trouble walking straight ... turns out the crack on the head threw off my inner ear and for about 2 months I would randomly fall down ... walk at a total angle ... and have trouble standing from a sitting position ... it was often quite humorous ... I remember showing up to a party sober and falling on my way up the lawn to uproarious laughter and hearing ... "dude Liz is already drunk" ...


ahhhhhhhh good times ...

the people upstairs started scraping all the foam out of the opening ... it was flying on the deck and they seemed to be having a hard time with it ... instead of sitting out there and smoking and driving them crazy while they were working we decided to come into the office to have a cig ...


David prefaces his conversation with "Honey I love you ... " I asked where the "but" was cause that is how he starts bad news ... he said "Honey I love you ... but don't be mad at me and please don't yell" ... I said "I can't promise anything but tell me what is going on ..."


well it turns out David sent letters to everyone on the board of directors of the condo association and the people in the office telling them about the foam ... copying info from the bat sites about how they only needed 1/4" of space to get in ... about the problems we have been having ... and how terribly unsightly the foam and newspaper was ... in fact to quote David I believe he said "he had seen better paper machet from his 5 year old nephew" ...


the woman in the office wrote back and told him there was no way the foam brought the bats in ... but he was insistent ... he sent pictures of the foam ... more info on bats ... and copied the condo rules that sate you can't make any permanent alterations to your patio and wasn't sealing foam permanent ...


well within 10 minutes he had an email from the president of the association and within 30 minutes they were out there scraping the shit out ...


I think he started all this cause we were told they were going to get rid of it yesterday ... and I think they decided they were just going to leave it ... but I guess the board was having nothing of that ...


now I don't know ... do I get mad that he writes to everyone with I know rude comments and all his anger ... or do I be happy that someone in this family has balls and doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks about him and say fuck it to those that give us grief ...


I am feeling the fuck it more than the getting upset ... so I guess I ... right now ... I am pretty lucky to have Davie around ... :)

We spent the first half of the day sleeping ... I woke up at like 7:30 till 11 and was still tired and didn't have anything pressing to do ... it was raining and icky out so I went back to bed till like 2:30 ... it was nice getting so much sleep ...


once we were finally up and ready to go out we headed to Starbucks and enjoyed the wonderful weather by sitting outside and having coffee ... then we went and saw Bringing Down The House ... and it was so funny ... I really enjoyed it and we were both laughing the whole time ... The Queen is the bomb ... I just love her ...


we had dinner at the diner which was delicious ... it turned out to be Saturday Night Date Night and I had a blast ...


since we have been home we have been hanging out in the computer room working on this and that ... and our upstairs neighbors are either practicing Tae-Bo or they are moving ... and I doubt we are lucky enough for it to be the latter ... whatever they are doing it includes opening and slamming the sliding door about 6 times in the last 2 hours ... it couldn't be cause of smoking cause we haven't had that many since we have been home ... and the stomping around is shaking the artwork on the wall ...


well Bernie Mac is on Saturday Night Live ... so I think it is time to kick back and laugh some more tonight ... cause you really can't laugh too much in one day ... :)

I am terrible at writing a check ... finding a stamp ... and sending a bill ... I usually wind up calling on the due date and paying with my bank card ... so I thought I would sign up for bill pay through my bank ... it says "fast and easy" ...


bullshit ... it has taken me forever to enter info for 2 bills ... and I have 4 more to go ...


but I can't give up now ...

I found a way to make a difference and do something good for someone else ... I have turned in an application for Adopt A Platoon ... not everyone gets to do it but I sure hope they pick us ... it sounds like a wonderful program ... I have to adopt a soldier ... since I can't really afford to adopt the whole platoon ... but I am thinking of asking work if we can adopt a platoon if this works out ...


check out their List of Suggestions for things the soldiers need and want ... they are totally do-able ... as I read it I thought ... "well I get a lot of that stuff for myself ... it wouldn't be hard to just grab an extra" ... so that is what I plan to do ...


you have to send a card a week of encouragement and at least one care package a month ... but I think I would send more than that ... it is such an easy thing to do ... and can you image how happy it will make someone ... I am feeling a little weepy thinking about it ...


so if you are wanting to do something for the men and women serving our country please check out the AdoptAPlatoon.org website ...

so on the home front ... I don't want to jinx myself but as things sit ... Kramer seems to freak out a little bit each night ... staring at the vent in the ceiling ... we hear things here and there but haven't come face to face with one in a couple of days ... but I still haven't relaxed ... as soon as it is sundown I start thinking about it ...


now I am sure the neighbors upstairs are TOTALLY hating us right now ... since all this bat shit happened management has been to both our house and they HATE the foam ... it is a permanent addition to their patio which isn't allowed ... so they are supposed to take it out this weekend ... I told the office if it helps them to let them go ahead and fill the whole thing across we will put drop cloths on our patio so they don't have to worry ... but the association is making them remove it ... they also feel that it could have sealed a crack that was allowing bats out and that is now why they keep coming into our house ...


but I don't think they realize what they are in for ... I spent a couple hours trying to get the foam off the ground and the railing and it is still there ... I mean most of it is off but not all of it ... I feel like leaving a note that says "fill the whole damn thing with foam we won't tell" ... :) but David would have nothing of the sort ...


yesterday morning French Bitch and I walked out at the same time ... I hauled ass to my car cause I didn't need confrontation first thing ... I think that is why I am procrastinating this morning so we don't walk out together ... what a dork I am huh ... :)

I am slowly killing myself all sorts of ways ...

smoking

eating nothing healthy

stressing about fucking bats

am I helping enough people along the way

letting people at work get to me

contemplating where my life is going

wondering why marriage feels so important

will I ever have kids

do I want kids

am I getting too old to have healthy kids

will we ever not stress over money

will the bastards upstairs ever move

can I ever loose the weight I want to loose

can I stick with yoga

am I a good friend to the few I have

what could I do to make the world better

what could I do to make myself better


all of these things weigh on my mind ALL THE TIME ... sometimes I can't even hear people talking to me cause my mind is going over so many other things that I forget to listen ... when it is really quiet ... like if I don't turn on music when I lay down to sleep ... I can actually hear the buzz of myself thinking ... and it keeps me awake ...


just writing about all these stresses is making my heart beat incorrectly ...


funny thing is anyone who knows me thinks I am the most laid back ... easy going ... not a worry in the world person ...


but lately all I can wonder is ... what is my purpose???


PS ... I have ALWAYS had a problem believing in a higher power [i had my bat mitzvah for the party] so I am not speaking of my purpose for God ... but for myself