David and I spent the weekend working on the condo ... and I can now say we are almost finished ... the bedroom ceiling came out so awesome I have to post some pictures here ... these are on the ceiling of our bedroom and I look forward now to laying in bed ... :)

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I can't even begin to explain how insanely bored I am right now ... it is the kind of bored where you want to ram something sharp through your skull to see if you can even feel it ...


and the boredom isn't occurring cause I am not smoking and need to find new ways to spend my time cause I am smoking ... yesterday was a false start ... I made it 12 hours and then had a cig ... then David went out and bought a pack ... then we stopped and got a pack this morning when he took me to work ... so we are going to try again tomorrow ...


wow I just got the nicest surprise ... nothing sounded good to eat today ... so I was just going to skip it ... get something later ... and one of the women in the office went out to get lunch and brought stuff back for me ... without even asking ... and ya know when I saw her walk in I thought ... "ohhhh I should have gotten something that looks so good" ...


so I guess my boredom has broken for a little while ... although in less than an hour I will have to stand outside in the pouring rain and wait for the bus ... David is working on the condo and just doesn't feel like driving back up here today ... and I don't blame him ... it is fricken miserable outside ...

The Dynamic Ribbon of Coke

My brother sent this article to me with the subject "right on another vote for turbo tax" ... and my thought was ... "woohoo for bad credit" ... even with all my information anyone applying for anything would get turned down ... hahahaaaa

I woke up around 2:30 in the morning and had another cig ... I was dreaming about quitting ... and I wasn't even wearing the patch yet ... in my dream my ex [for some reason] had a desk in our apartment and a bedroom upstairs in my parents house ... but I was realizing I hadn't seen him in years ... and there were all the cigs around but all I could find is broken ones ... and I was so pissed ... it was starting to really bother me that it was waking me up ...


well when I got up David was already up ... he said he couldn't sleep he was having dreams about quitting ... so we went out and had a smoke together ...


and now that I am withdrawing so badly right now I wish I had had 3 when I woke up ...


so I have the patch on ... I am eating pistachios like they are going out of style ... and I am loving the "cream savers" candy ... but the desire to have a cig is so strong ... I hate the quitting ...


I keep saying ... there is amazing hospital in Cali where heroin or other narcotic addicts can go ... they put them under ... pump stuff through them that has them go through their detox in 24 hours ... so the terribly horrible part is over with in 24 hours and while you are asleep ... if they did this for smokers they would make a fortune ... I would pay good money for that ... to put these first 3 days through in 24 hours while I am asleep ... I was shaking early because I needed a smoke so badly ...


and I miscalculated how much we spend ... cause we spend 16 bucks a day ... I was smoking almost 2 packs a day ... it was hard to realize since Davie and I smoke the same brand so we are both working out of the same box ...


ok ... enough smoke talk ... I was just trying to get past this last craving ... even though the next one is fast approaching ... :)

This is how serious we are about quitting ... 8 boxes of patches $127 worth ... and the biggest bags of hard candy and pistachios we could find at CostCo ... in fact I am going to stop there on the way home tomorrow and get more hard candy and nuts ... just to make sure ...


we spend about $12 a day on cigs ... so that 12 bucks is going into a laptop fund ... which means we could get one in about 2.5 months ... and after that we are starting a new digital camera fund ... ohhhhh all the ways I could spend $4500 in a year ...


well I am off to smoke my last cigarette ... wow ... it is sad and exciting all at the same time ... it is the last time I will feel the beautiful smoke filling my lungs ... the sound of the burn ... the dreamy way the smoke exits my mouth ... all of that is over ...


but for a good cause ... I will have more money ... I will be healthier ... I will live longer ... and maybe by the end of the year I will be on my way to bringing a new life into the world ...

I thought I would have my new site up today ... I am close but no cigar ... I will probably have it ready to post tomorrow ... but I needed to write tonight so am just leaving part of the old page up ...


I just smoked one of my last cigs ... I will probably have two more before I go to sleep and then that is it ... I can hardly believe I am writing that but it is true ... when I wake up tomorrow morning I will be slapping a patch on ... stuffing my bag full of hard candy ... and won't smoke anymore ...


and I will be leaving the patch on while I sleep to help the morning cravings so I will soon be having the vivid patch dreams like Gregg ... which could lead to some interesting blog entries ...


ok I need to go smoke another one ... so I can get two in before I am finished forever ... :)